"No Coffee?! PREPARE TO DIE!" Exercise Log Leap '94, roused from a very sound and comfortable sleep at "Ohmygod" o'clock in the morning... If the enemy attacks, they'd better have a flask of coffee for me, or I'm gonna be decidedly unfreindly! (photo from Authors' personal collection, copyright 1994-2002, Roger Stenning)

An Airsofters Guide To COFFEE!

By Tomo ("Tomo" on the UK Airsoft Forums)

HEALTH WARNING
Too much caffeine can be addictive, and harmful to your health (if only because it's a diuretic, and makes you go to the toilet far to often!)

Now the first thing that has probably come to your mind is: "What the hell has coffee got to do with airsoft?".

To be honest that's the first thing that came to my head as well.

Then, though, I realised that coffee is one of the most important aspects of an airsoft game. The caffeine element for one, to someone who isn't used to about 80mg of caffeine (such as our own Editor, Redcap - see the photo to the right!) - one mug of coffee will keep them quite hyped throughout the day, and you can use this advantage to send them into an enemy camp charging like something…err very charging like!

Anyway the types of coffee (yes, there are types) will be listed here, then a brief description, followed by its "airsoft effectiveness factor".

• Railway Coffee
   
  The fact that I use the term "coffee" for this brown (if you're lucky) gloomy, sludgy maybe-just-a-liquid is rather amazing. You see, railway coffee is much like a primordial soup; if there's some left over from ten weeks ago, it's in tomorrows pot. Being already of a poor instant coffee standard, this doesn't help much. Stay very far away from this "drink"!
   
  Airsoft effectiveness : 1/10 or 9/10 depending how you look at it! The former, that if you drink it you won't be able to play for the rest of the day due to stomach upsets! The latter, by forcing it down the enemy's throat (biological warfare).
  
  or
  
   
  
• Basic instant coffee
   
  Ahhh, the first coffee I ever tried "Nescafe Gold Blend". In my opinion, a bit bland compared to the much better "filter" varieties, but is still the most common coffee seen around these days.
   
  It offers enough caffeine to keep one going for the day, and is also great to keep your hands warm in the winter!
   
  However (as I have tried) attempting to skirmish with a cup in your hand can be a bit difficult. One guy shot my coffee cup, and it made a polystyrene hole (not very surprising! - Editor) and all the fluids leaked out. The horror that came to my face! In a rage of anger the man who did this deed was fired at by Glock (for those who don't know it takes red gas at a horrifying velocity, not exactly a killer but revengeful enough, thanks!)
   
  Airsoft effectiveness : 6/10. A mild caffeine kick and enough to keep you warm for the day. Also can be used to throw in someone's face should you run out of ammo (NOT recommended! You may want that stuff to make a brew later in the day! - Editor)
  
   
  
• Filter Coffee
   
  Lovvvlllllllyyyyyyy. Everyone should have filter coffee at a skirmish, which contains much more caffeine than a normal coffee; it gives a heightened "kick" and at times will make the drinker do what he finds "impossible", say diving through a second story window, or been used as a human body shield for an attacking team with no cover. It also tastes amazing (if anyone doesn't like coffee, they shouldn't be reading this and shouldn't be in the country ). A bit more expensive than instant and takes a bit more time to make but is heaven on earth when you drink it!
   
  Airsoft effectiveness : 8/10 a very good drink to relax in the safe zone and also added caffeine to give that extra "airsoft" factor we all know about.
  
   
  
• Jamaican blue mountain
   
  This coffee makes one drool. Though strictly a filter coffee, the fact it tastes so nice and takes away all your problems (no, I'm not on drugs!) is the sheer essence of this product. The most expensive coffee in the world, coming in at £30 a lb (454 grams for those who are metric among us), it is rather pricey, but the benefits are equally good.
   
  You gain the afore-mentioned "caffeine kick". The warmth and the complete lack of your own safety it brings you as long as you play the game. Also, if you're under heavy fire you can lay yourself down, pull out a percolator from your rucksack, bring out some scones, and just relax with a refreshing mug of JBM and enjoy the game!
   
  Though those shooting at you may wonder what the hell you are doing, do not care about them, merely enjoy what you have and let them get on with whatever they are doing (normally shooting at you)
  .  
  Airsoft effectiveness: 10/10 WOW! This thing is really good for you. Buy some NOW!
  

And that, my friends, was the "airsofters guide to coffee" a completely useless, informative, (yeah right) piece of "work", that will not help you in anyway whatsoever and probably hasn't even brought you any amusement. But alas it may help some of you realise airsoft is not such a serious sport, and you should relax and enjoy the wonderful wildlife around you... Now the nice men in white coats are coming to pick me up!

Tomo ("Tomo" on the UK Airsoft Forums)
Coffee loving Airsofter, and UK resident Japanese fellow

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