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The Parcel Farce Charm Offensive


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Did I say charming? Yeah, and I actually meant it as well, which may come as a surprise but I have come to the opinion of late that the old buggers at ParcelForce really aren't that bad - of all the horror stories I have heard I have never had any of the relevant problems myself, and to be honest I think a lot of it simply comes down to how you deal with them: I always get what I want by being polite and very pleasant, but obstinate enough to get what I want to happen, happen..

 

Last Thursday I called to find details of my latest parcel, and although I was on hold for 6 or 7 minutes at first I take this simply as a sign that they are actually working, so its fair enough that I may wait for an answer.

Then they tried to claim that I had outstanding charges of £155-odd; when in fact I knew it was only £62 thanks to a previous call and conversation with one of the friendly lasses down there that morning; the other £93 having been paid by the inestimable Mr Shard a couple of weeks ago in cash, so their records obviously hadn't been amended at the time.

Now this could have been a bone of contention, but all I did was politely explain what had in fact happened and that I would most certainly not be giving any more than the requisite £62 to the gruff gentleman who tried to insist that I pay twice for what I had already received, thanks all the same for the offer but I’ll just hold onto that money o’ mine for now thanks, no really, you will not be getting more out of me after this latest one, honestly. Honestly, I don’t really mind what you think about it but, you see, I’m actually HOLDING the contents of this parcel you seem to think I haven’t paid for yet, so, you see, I really don’t give a fig if you don’t release it today old bean. There you go, see, I have had it paid for, that’s right you see to it now, yes, there’s a good chap; run along now.

 

And it arrived the nest day, still safely encapsulated within its shielding cocoon of cardboard, wrapping paper and Hong Kong tabloids. Which was nice.

 

I even have a jovial and relationship with the delivery driver because he knows they’re all guns inside them thar boxes, ever since my colleagues took to ribbing him about transporting firearms and being an accomplice to arms dealing every time he came in with a parcel, anyway; so naturally the first thing I did right after that was to claim that they only contained drugs, porn and guns, just to allay suspicion; and now I see him in the Post Office on Friday afternoons while he’s often collecting something from the front desk at the same time as I’m being served, and the look on the faces of the old baggages in there (on both sides of the counter wink.gif ) when a member of PO staff seems to casually warn the ladies behind the counter that the dropout-lookalike in front of them with a big parcel and a glazed grin is a gunrunner who is in all probability sending bombs via the postal network, is quite priceless biggrin.gif

 

And, I have to say, the little letters they now send out to all deliveries that have had charges placed upon them –you know the ones? Well if you don’t, what they now do is this: instead of delivering parcels to an address when they have extant charges still to pay on them and taking the cash at the door, the PO now hold the relevant parcels at the relevant depot and posts out a letter to the addressee, with a code contained therein. There is no point to doing this, as I shall now illustrate, but it seems to make them feel secure in some bizarre, bureaucratic way, so its probably best just to let them get on with it in the hope they wont start playing with the plug-socket again or stray too near anything that has sharp edges tongue.gif

 

Point of the code is to prove the addressee is in fact the person who is calling, because who else could possibly have the code? Better point is that they only deliver to the same bloody address anyway, so if someone was to nick it upon delivery then they would have to take over use the delivery address anyway to nab the parcel, so they could just as easily intercept the letter, but hey – I guess some of us are just criminally-minded tongue.gif

The real reason its unnecessary is that via the tracking websites of Hongkong Post and ParcelForce themselves, the tracking number can be easily obtained, so you just call up with that as soon as the parcel has reached your local depot and the same day you can pay over the phone, thereby saving you about 24 hours of delivery time instead of waiting for their little letter. So the new system doesn’t actually impede you at all which is a real plus point as it only now keeps you more informed as to the customs costs.

 

-

 

Of course it could still all go runny and parcels could be lost much as before, but that hasn’t happened to me at all, and I’ve had one or two things over the years…

 

So I’m really quite satisfied with their service. Their mildly disgruntled hard-of-thinking employees notwithstanding, their workforce seems pretty chirpy in general, and they are sensible enough to be very helpful indeed whenever a wilful ###### of a customer calls them and tells them how things are going to be smile.gif

 

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While i agree and generally use the polite but direct method when dealing with them myself, you just wait til they ###### you about something chronic.

 

Then you will see where even the most polite person loses their rag with them - i must admit as of late i havent had any issues with them however smile.gif

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