Jump to content

The new pandemic


Brick

Recommended Posts

THE NEXT PANDEMIC!

I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed

copious amounts of alcohol.

I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as

flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc.

From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested

positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.

This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not

an isolated case.

Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed

with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned

tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a

lie down.

However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD

and take some Nurofen (Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that

has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are

reporting an English breakfast fry-up or a McDonald's Happy Meal can

also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the

original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been

shown to do the trick.

 

Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can

be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.

NOTE: If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has

mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a proffessor of medicine, with some experiance in this field, i have to say that the main symptoms of this illness are caused by the high level of dehidration that is comonly linked to what has been incorrectly dubbed "wine flu".

 

Whyle the treatments you mention can help, it is important to injest large doses dihidrogen monoxide. I would recomend 300ml doses of DHMO every half hour for at least 2 hours, and further if symptoms persist.

Link to post
Share on other sites
As a proffessor of medicine, with some experiance in this field, i have to say that the main symptoms of this illness are caused by the high level of dehidration that is comonly linked to what has been incorrectly dubbed "wine flu".

 

Whyle the treatments you mention can help, it is important to injest large doses dihidrogen monoxide. I would recomend 300ml doses of DHMO every half hour for at least 2 hours, and further if symptoms persist.

 

That stuffs good! :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
ingest*

 

Ed-skar, as a professor of medicine, I'd have hoped you'd have at least been able to SPELL professor...

Good treatment though. That stuff is pretty vital to the process.

 

 

[out of charicter]

 

Every doctor i know has such bad handwrighting that you wouldnt realise spelling :P

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and the use of session cookies.