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Schnitzel with noodles - what made you smile today?


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It's really simple people.   Scorch is right, the My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch! thread (although a great place to get out the stresses of the day) is very negative, let us celebrate the things that hav

Stepped out into the garden 15 minutes ago; Found out nature had used a bucket, some H20 and some cold to produce me an awesome plinking target;    

My wife and I found out she is pregnant with our first child last weekend. Obviously we are absolutely over the moon and weirdly I'm not panicking. She doesn't want to tell anyone yet until we are a l

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Can we please employ some German contractors to fix our *suitcasey* roads.  My local council don't deem potholes worthy of filling until you can fall down them.  Even then, they do a poor job of filling them.

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Make it so that whenever there's too many (arbitrarily chosen by Council of Stunt) complains about roads, the cuncil is made to fix them under guard? :D

Some manual labour is quite a refresher to people that they are, indeed, servants of the people... And not the other way around.

 

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I'd have clauses in planning permissions that force house builders/construction companies to re surface roads when they're done.  Lots of the damage I see is done by heavy vehicles from construction sites.

The council should have road survey teams out scanning and logging road defects for repairs.  It's a joke they expect us to report them via fixmystreet and then don't act on reports.

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I think if they had to go and shovel the tar around themselves, most councils would make darn certain they stay on top of road wear.

At least you don't need the heavy equipment to move the snow off the roads -every- winter.... That's murder on raod surfaces...

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Wow, everybody is in.

 

OK.

Any time a pothole is repaired its precise position is taken by a third-party watchdog and if the repair fails the company who repaired it repairs it again, for free.
All repairs need a 10 year guarantee.

Any work that causes damage to the road will require correct resurfacing.

Google style cars will scan the road surface looking for stress risers and instigating preventative maintenance.

All old train tracks will be turned into cycle paths, the network will span the entire country.

Over time the entire road network will be replaced with modular rigid hybrid road tiles with built in service trenches.  Anywhere there isn't sufficient width for that the houses will be demolished on one side of the road and the owners moved.

If the houses are "historically significant" then the road will be completely closed and turned into a cycle path, there will be a diversion.  The owners of the houses in the new "eco route" will not be allowed to have cars at the property.

Did I miss anything?

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Looks good.

Can we force developers to have at least 2 parking spaces per new build property and garages that can comfortably fit a 3 Series please.   All developments to have sufficient designated visitor parking also.

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Reopen old railways instead? Also restore and reopen canal routes. Both are good options for bulk transport of goods, to reduce the amount of HGV traffic on the roads, which will in turn reduce wear.

 

Oh yeah, and regular increases to the minimum width of a car parking space in order to keep pace with the constantly increase in the size of cars.

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Had a lovely friend and colleague bring in some home cooked lasagne and it's the best I've ever had.

 

Also we got a new detection wand due to the recent unease over knives, it's so sensitive it picked everything up but when we used the sensitivity override button it missed all my sharp stuff and wouldn't trigger for anything smaller than a four hole holepunch haha.

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19 hours ago, hitmanNo2 said:

Says the man with a Pinzgauer :lol:

 

True.
I said SUV though, the Pinz has absolutely no S in it.
I've done 3000km in 2 years.

Also, it is legitimately small.  It is about 100mm wider than a Suzuki Jimny.

 

I would definitely keep the existing policy of protecting classic cars.

What I mean is:

Why does anyone need a Q7 to drop their kids off at school?

How many of those people drop their kids off and drive to the North Pole?

Estate cars would be allowed, they are the perfect family cars.  The other stuff is just a cock measuring contest.

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As minister of transport I would introduce larger minimums for car parking spaces, whilst at the same time introducing a legal maximum size for vehicles to be registered and used on UK roads.

 

Vehicle Excise Duty would be immediately abolished and made up through tax on fuel.

Efficient vehicles and people that don't use personal vehicles would be better off. 'Gas guzzlers' and people that drive significant distances would pay more for the upkeep and maintenance of the roads that they are using, as is fair.

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12 hours ago, shmook said:

It's getting a bit commie in here... 

You can't make these decisions with a communist party at the helm.  Stunt comes in, makes the decisions his department heads oversee it and boom.

 

Stuff. Gets. Done.

 

Also national service, but for everything.  Every man and woman does their service - however if you don't want to do the military thing you can make railways into cycle paths or drive ambulances/fire engines/blood bikes.

 

Oh, in other news I bought a dog. Very happy.

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That's a good point but in Stunt's Britain there is only one tax.

 

All taxes other than income tax will be abolished.

The threshold for income tax will be determined by coneheads and will be a living wage, say, 24K.

The rest of your income will be taxed at 50%

 

Most people will be better off, the rich will be taxed.
All the people who used to work for all the various government entities doing tax *suitcase* will be put on commission based salaried for catching tax dodgers.

 

Benefits will be paid in the form of canteen food, access to shower facilities and second hand clothing.

Anyone on (non disability) benefits will be required to work 6 days a week, 14 hours a day painting over graffiti and picking up rubbish.  The seventh day will be for training and applying for jobs.

They will live in what are now prisons, the prisoners will be farmed out to The Congo and North Korea to save money.

The NHS will be privatised and all citizens will be provided with a basic level of healthcare that can be topped up.  A watchdog will make sure prices are reasonable, on pain of public flogging and asset seizure.

The previous idea of developers being required to provide a minimum of 2 parking spaces for a home will be mandatory, lots of mews will be built.

 

You can have national service if you like but I'm not sure I would have wanted to be in the army with a load of conscripts.

However, the armed forces will be expanded and take on the Lifeboat and mountain/cave rescue stuff.  You will be able to enlist and specialise in non-combat roles (minimum shooting stuff like sigs guys or the RLC.  They will become a sort of international rescue, responding to emergencies all over the world and helping with floods and stuff here too.

Bridge down? Army will be there in 2 hours buddy.
Earthquake in Nepal? We're sending 2 regiments.

Somalian Pirates?  We killed them all.

That will take care of our foreign aid commitment.

 

Any questions?

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On 4/14/2019 at 9:48 PM, sandstorm said:

Tink, would you tax all fuel, or would things like food transport get a subsidized price? Because it'll get a bit Trotskyish if you start engineering famines due to lack of transportation to distribute food...

I wouldn't engineer famines.

 

with adequate proof they would get a subsidy or help to buy more fuel efficient vehicles. I dunno, I just make the rules. It's for peons beneath me to enact it.

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