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Schnitzel with noodles - what made you smile today?

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It's really simple people.   Scorch is right, the My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch! thread (although a great place to get out the stresses of the day) is very negative, let us celebrate the things that hav

Stepped out into the garden 15 minutes ago; Found out nature had used a bucket, some H20 and some cold to produce me an awesome plinking target;    

Current girlfriend is just about perfect. Super intelligent, is a doctor (so helpful, if the Russians invade and we need to start a guerilla war), absolutely filthy in the bedroom and when she's upset

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S01E09 - The Battle

Sneaky bastards the Ferengi are at it again, the father of a Ferengi captain who was killed in a fight with Picard's first command - The Stargazer - finds the old ship and strikes up a plot to disgrace Picard and force the crew of the Enterprise to kill him and destroy the Stargazer.
The fight is where the "Picard manoeuvre" comes from.
Anyway, the Ferengi plot goes wrong, mostly due to Riker.  I like Riker.


The Ferengi are not destroyed, probably due to the Prime Directive or some such nonsense.


S01E10 - Hide and Q

The Enterprise is on the way to help some colonists who - despite living in the 24th century - have forgotten basic mine safety precautions and blown themselves up.

On the way, Q traps them and begins his familiar shenanigans.  This time he decides to "play a game", eventually giving Riker Q powers.  If he keeps them Picard loses his wager with Q and loses command of the Enterprise.
If he loses, Q promises to leave the crew alone.

Riker uses his power to make Wesley an adult, restore Geordie's eyesight and tries to make Data a human but gets shut down.
He realises he is being a tit and surrenders the Q power.
Q gets in trouble with his fellow beings, Picard is smug.


S01E11 - Haven

The Enterprise is on the way to another, different planet full of sexy, scantily clad, uninhibited 20 year olds for more shore leave (Riker is happy). The crew is notified by an astonishingly creepy loot crate that Troi's arranged marriage to the bad guy from Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is due (Riker is sad).
Troi's mum is a snooty pain in the *albartroth* who seems keen to alienate everybody

Anyway, a plague ship shows up, threatening the planet.  On board is a Daryl Hannah lookalike that has been haunting the dreams of Troi's fiancé.  Coincidentally he is a doctor specialising in plagues.

He dumps Troi and beams over to the plague ship to help (himself to Daryl Hanna's *albatross*).
Troi's mum goes home.

Riker is happy again.

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So work decided that we all need to do a first aid course, much to the annoyance of my idiot work colleague who didn't want to be there and thought he knew it all anyway. When it got to the assessment I had to really try not to laugh every time he *fruitcage*ed up the basics

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Agreed. I've been first aid trained in the past but a refresher is always a good thing even if I can't be put on the list of first aiders (I'm a contractor rather than a member of staff.) Also you never know whenever training could be needed, not just in work.

At the least it's an extra qualification to go on my CV as there's a high chance I'll be made redundant in the next 6 months

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I think you are right.

First aid, domestic and personal hygiene, nutrition, personal fitness and skepticism should be taught in schools.

Maths, English, Science, Technology would be the core.

You get core, the "common sense" subjects above and a "junk" class.  Junk can be art or drama or something else.

If you are behind, you catch up in your junk periods.



On leaving school all citizens should be able to do:
Basic maths (budgeting a household)

Basic English (writing a CV and covering letter that doesn't look like an ape typed it with their feet).


The Stunt Common Sense subjects.

Ideally the science based stuff would make them more employable.
If you have a handle on that *suitcase* you can use some time for art and such.  If you can't do the basics you don't get to use school time to do "hobbies".

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To be fair, correctly taught science should instill a sceptical mindset anyway. The scientific method is sceptical by nature, always testing and looking to disprove theories - nothing can ever be 100% proven, no matter how much evidence supports an accepted theory (like gravity), it only takes one genuine, reproducible piece of evidence to overturn it and require a new theory.

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When I was a cop we had first aid refreshers every year. I first started and it was putting asters on and doing triangular bandages and how to dress a head wound. We hardly treated folk for such, and called ambo if someone got hurt on our watch...

My last one, we turned up and the instructor said 'you know the basics, no one forgets, but you never use them. Society is changing and you really just nee dto learn to put Israeli bandages and tourniquets on. I can't teach you because it's not policy, but look in to it.'

It's true. Anything serious I went to was a stabbing, and I carried said kit. Not for the scrotes that were fighting, but for me or colleagues that got hurt...

That said, we got CPR and defib training which can be a true lifesaver. Do that if you can.

Basic first aid should be taught to kids though, as agreed, and refreshers for society introduced too. People should have the skills to help people. My wife and I came across an old guy with a head wound on our honeymoon. He had fallen, and some random young folk (20s ish) had seen it but were clueless and had no kit. We were in the lakes and out with walking kit so I got the 1st aid kit out and patched him and assessed him, gave advice and he was ok.

My wife had not really seen that side of me and said she was clueless as she's never been trained. 

Everyone should be.


Edit, hedge and stunt replied while I was waffling...!

Edited by shmook
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S01E12 - The Big Goodbye

The Enterprise is on its way to make a formal peace greeting to some insect people (death to the hive) that will be extremely offended if any of the words are pronounced incorrectly.  Their language is particularly difficult so the episode opens with Troi helping Picard revise.

He is getting exam stress so she recommends he goes to unwind in the newly upgraded holodeck.  He loads a program that makes an old 20th century gumshoe novel into a game.  He enjoys it and decides to return in appropriate clothing with Data, Beverly and a red shirt, I mean, the ship's Earth history expert (I could do that job).

The insects scan them, the holodeck craps out and the four of them get trapped in the simulation.  The red shirt gets shot and is bleeding out.

Amazingly, if the holodeck is powered down with humans inside they "disappear". That seems like an  safety oversight.  Mind you these are the same space explorers who have (so far) shown no evidence of using seat belts, fuses or space suits.

Anyway, the boy wonder fixes the holodeck and Picard arrives on the bridge, still in a suit and trilby just in time to give the greeting.  It sounds like he is having a stroke.

This episode is fun, I like the ones where Picard is in the 20th century and I enjoyed seeing Beverely in seamed stockings.


S01E13 - Datalore

The Enterprise is passing by the planet that Data is from so they pop in to investigate, they find a hidden science lab and a disassembled android that looks like Data.
The crew manage to assemble the parts into what is (in a surprise to nobody) Data's evil twin.

Despite having an exact replica of a bridge officer on board with unknown intentions the crew fail to take even basic security precautions and Lore incapacitates Data, takes his uniform and uses the computer to signal the "crystal entity" that ate the science lab's staff.

It arrives (It looks really good.  The remaster re-did a lot of the CG effects and this one looks outstanding.) and Lore tries to engineer a situation where it eats the crew.  Wesley knows something isn't right, everyone tells him to shut up (best part) and then him, his mum and Data teleport Lore into space.

Nobody apologises to Wesley.  Nor do they find Lore floating in space and vaporise him with the phasers.  This may turn out to be an oversight later. The Lore thing, not the Wesley thing, nobody cares about Wesley.



S01E14 - Angel One

The crew find a damaged cargo ship and determine that the crew bailed out in escape pods.  They track the pods to planet Angel One where sexism is the other way around - get it?  Very clever.
The woke crew of the freighter have been causing trouble by trying to get votes for men and the Leader of the planet wants them dead.
They have been keeping ahead of the death squads because one of the freighter guys is married to Bonnie from Knight Rider who is, like, the Deputy Prime Minister here.
The crew mess that up, the revolutionaries get captured, Riker porks the Prime Minister and she lets them go.

The allegory was a bit laboured and the episode wasn't great but Riker got laid so 10/10.

Edited by amateurstuntman
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S01E15 - 11001001

The Enterprise heads to a starbase to get a computer upgrade from a race of pink IT guys.  The starbase is beautiful, very nicely rendered.
The Holodeck gets an upgrade, Riker enters a simulation of a jazz bar in New Orleans so he can play the trombone, he refers to it as a "bone"/  He then requests an audience.  He gets a lady called Minuet, very nicely rendered.

Picard walks in on Riker kissing the simulation (obviously) and the three of them have a lovely evening discussing how good of a simulation she is, slide-back sunroof head and realistic toes.

Meanwhile, the antimatter containment field goes on the wonk and the entire ship is evacuated. The evacuation involves people walking to the transporter rooms when we know point to point transportation is possible.  Seems inefficient.

The ship leaves the starbase on autopilot to prevent the entire thing being destroyed in a tsunami of hard radiation.  Picard tried to leave the Holodeck and Minuet tries to stop him, he becomes suspicious and Picard and Riker leave, discovering the ship is empty and heading for the home planet of the IT guys.
Suspecting they have been jacked they set the self destruct and decide to storm the bridge even though it may be a suicide mission.

The IT guys are in a coma.  Turns out they are totally dependent on tech and an EM pulse from a nearby supernova has borked the planet's hard drive.  They stole the Enterprise to use the computer to do an off-site backup.  Picard and Riker turn the planet off and on again and everything is fine.
Except when they get the backup off the computer it deletes Minuet too.

Presumably the IT guys get hanged for piracy.

Seriously, if the Holodeck was a real feature it would just be constantly plastered with DNA, it would have to be sluiced out and disinfected between sessions.


S01E16 - Too Short a Season

An old git with a bad (ly acted) limp beams aboard to carry out a hostage negotiation.
Beverly is suspicious, he seems to be getting younger.  Turns out he has taken two years worth of magic de-ageing chemicals. Not just his but his wife's too (jacker bloke).

It transpires that last time he negotiated with these people he didn't negotiate at all.  He just gave them a bunch of weapons to shut up.  That had the surprising consequence of plunging them into 40 years of civil war, who knew?

Shockingly, taking two full 2 year doses of drugs at once causes you to die of badly acted seizures.

He dies.


S01E17 - When the Bough Breaks

The crew find space Atlantis.

The people of space Atlantis can't have children and their society is dying so they kidnap half a dozen kids from the Enterprise.  This includes Wesley Crusher.
They Atlanteans then offer Picard a load of technology and such in exchange.
If it was me, I'd take it and run.

However, Picard doesn't take the opportunity and the crew try to rescue the kids.

They do.

Nobody destroys the planet and Wesley returns.

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