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Manly thread dies of old age: Arnie's not manly enough?


amateurstuntman

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You never made finger skateboards at school?  I thought everyone did that.  Get a ruler, cut/snap to around 100mm long.  Round off the corners on the sandpaper like carpet, bend the ends slightly by heating with a lighter.  Get some Lego axles and put the tiny rubber wheels on.  Glue axles to ruler.  Boom.  Tiny finger skateboard. Then proceed to roll around desks and annoy the RE teacher.  If you're a bit lazy, you can skip the wheels and have a finger snowboard.  This was all before you could buy those tiny skateboards too.

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I was going to get the absolute base-spec model, no aircon, no electric windows etc. but the dealer checked the availability and there would be a 16 week wait.

There was an SE model available for delivery in 2 weeks with air-con and electric windows and a few other fripperies.

 

Basically I got the SE for around base model money, there isn't a lot of meat on the bones for the dealer on the cheaper cars.

It is also a 0% deal and the PCH is a great way to buy a car.

 

I was chatting to the dealer about cycling and he is throwing in a Skoda branded long sleeved cycling jersey.

 

It's a very technically interesting car, 1l, 3cyl, very low CO2, light weight (for a new car), sweet (enough) handing and good fuel economy.

I'm looking at a real world figure of 50mpg which means that between a £22/month saving on VED, a £50/month saving on fuel and a £15/month saving on insurance I am going from a 13 year old performance hatch to a brand-new economy hatch for basically nothing.

 

I am happy with the deal.  I will have to sell the Clio as it is now redundant.  I have a friend who is interested at around £1500 but if he backs out then I will put it up for sale on here.

 

Plus, the wife will be happy and any future cars I buy will be able to be purely "fun" cars.

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Some dude sucker punched me in graphics class, so I stabbed him with a compass, right up to the hilt.  It was one of those oldschool brass ones where the sharp bit was about an inch long.

I sprayed an entire can of lynx into the staff room kettle and hospitalised a teacher (not my intended target either), then blamed it on another kid.

I got suspended for selling air rifles on school grounds.

A group of us broke into school at night and stole the goalposts.  We literally ripped the concrete bases from the ground and somehow got them over a six foot spiked fence.

A bunch of us ran around school setting fire to all the bins on our last day.

 

I was not a model pupil.

Joining the army was the right choice.

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Just thinking of my school days makes me want to time travel back and slap the *suitcase* out of that whiney little *badgeress* and make him appreciate the opportunities he had.

That or try to explain to people the underlying physiological/psychological reasons for most of my behaviour and the simple things that could have made me mush calmer.

But mostly I just want to go back and stop myself from becoming an alcoholic 11 year old.

 

At no point throughout school did I ever have to apply myself to get the grades I got.  I never learned how to learn.

I arrived at university completely unprepared to be responsible for my own education and it was my fault.

 

By 13 I could make bootleg cider and freeze distil it in into sort-of calvados that we called suicider.

I was buying porn and distributing it one laminated page at a time.

Same deal with individual cigarettes (not laminated).  I thought I was clever but I was just trying to buy acceptance.

 

However, due to my oddness (now diagnosed as ASD) I was never accepted, always ostracised.

It took me too long to learn how to deal with bullies, far too long.  A hard-learned lesson I will never forget.

 

 

I hated school.  I hated what school did to me.  I hated myself at that age. But most of all I hated the other kids.

I know they had problems and insecurities, everyone does, but the way they treated me was unforgivable.

 

It is my 20 year school reunion this summer, I won't be going back.

I haven't been drunk in 9 years, haven't lost my temper in longer, haven't been in a fight in a decade.

I have travelled the world, seen amazing things, had experiences I didn't deserve, met fascinating people who treated me better than I treated them (and better than I deserved or expected) and over the years I have gradually changed into the person I am today.

I have become someone that I like.

 

Sorry if this post seems a bit dark but *fruitcage* school.

 

I will not be going back.

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See I loved school.  

I thoroughly enjoyed terrorising people, and getting terrorised in turn (I deliberately antagonised the "hard" kids because I viewed them as stupid, and got myself beaten up by large groups of lads multiple times, all self inflicted)  I saw myself as some badass lone wolf.

It did make me tough though, and arrogant as *fruitcage*.

 

I was still a vicious *bramston pickle* in the army, then I got married.

 

My wife turned me from an angry child into a man.

 

Darkchild

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Good for you, I've heard you mention your wife before and she is obviously good for you.

 

No coincidence really that my wife is perhaps the second serious relationship I got into after I stopped drinking.

 

She has been there as I finally began getting my *suitcase* together and is one of the most caring and supportive people I have ever met.

 

 

It is very manly to accept that you would be less of a man without your wife.

 

Much less in my case.

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I was going to get the absolute base-spec model, no aircon, no electric windows etc. but the dealer checked the availability and there would be a 16 week wait.

There was an SE model available for delivery in 2 weeks with air-con and electric windows and a few other fripperies.

 

Basically I got the SE for around base model money, there isn't a lot of meat on the bones for the dealer on the cheaper cars.

It is also a 0% deal and the PCH is a great way to buy a car.

 

I was chatting to the dealer about cycling and he is throwing in a Skoda branded long sleeved cycling jersey.

 

It's a very technically interesting car, 1l, 3cyl, very low CO2, light weight (for a new car), sweet (enough) handing and good fuel economy.

I'm looking at a real world figure of 50mpg which means that between a £22/month saving on VED, a £50/month saving on fuel and a £15/month saving on insurance I am going from a 13 year old performance hatch to a brand-new economy hatch for basically nothing.

 

I am happy with the deal. I will have to sell the Clio as it is now redundant. I have a friend who is interested at around £1500 but if he backs out then I will put it up for sale on here.

 

Plus, the wife will be happy and any future cars I buy will be able to be purely "fun" cars.

I really like citigos / seat mii's / vw ups. The handling is brilliant fun, and while i would prefer them with more power it doesn't really need any for a small city car.

 

You may struggle to get not 50mpg, but you wont miss out by much. Iirc, when i went down for a course in work i averaged about 48 on a cruise down the A1M.

 

Did you get the sat nav thing? Theyre actually really quite good.

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I really like citigos / seat mii's / vw ups. The handling is brilliant fun, and while i would prefer them with more power it doesn't really need any for a small city car.

 

You may struggle to get not 50mpg, but you wont miss out by much. Iirc, when i went down for a course in work i averaged about 48 on a cruise down the A1M.

 

Did you get the sat nav thing? Theyre actually really quite good.

 

 

I didn't get the satnav, my wife doesn't need it and if I got it she would only end up using it to prop up a map.

 

The claimed figure is in the 60s and since the missus is going to be driving and her feet are about as heavy as Legolas' then I think she'll get there.

 

Should have it by the end of the month so we'll know then.

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We used to stab each other with those big bastards compasses too. All the time.

 

As a deterrent, I stabbed a load of holes in my metal pencil tin lid from the inside.

 

Anyone who came for me from then on god a good chesegrating. It left some good wounds.

 

Any anomosity usually sorted itself out on the rugby pitch with a good old fashioned kicking in a ruck.

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So had to shave with a blunt razor and no shaving foam this morning.

 

Considered using my combat knife but reckoned that was crossing the border into stupid as opposed to manly.

 

Inb4 real men don't shave...

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We used to stab each other with those big bastards compasses too. All the time.

 

As a deterrent, I stabbed a load of holes in my metal pencil tin lid from the inside.

 

Anyone who came for me from then on god a good chesegrating. It left some good wounds.

 

Any anomosity usually sorted itself out on the rugby pitch with a good old fashioned kicking in a ruck.

difference was I wanted to kill the kid.

 

Luckily for me, in my youth my knowledge of the human body wasn't up to much.

I used to fight people on the spot, as soon as they gave me aggro.  Psychological warfare.  They expect you to say "okay, I'll see you over the pitch after school."

But I used to say "Let's go, right now, in class."

It only happened a few times before people realised I was that weird kid you didn't start on unless you had ten mates.

Hence the group beatings.  

 

Darkchild

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difference was I wanted to kill the kid.

 

Luckily for me, in my youth my knowledge of the human body wasn't up to much.

I used to fight people on the spot, as soon as they gave me aggro. Psychological warfare. They expect you to say "okay, I'll see you over the pitch after school."

But I used to say "Let's go, right now, in class."

It only happened a few times before people realised I was that weird kid you didn't start on unless you had ten mates.

Hence the group beatings.

 

Darkchild

Yeah, ours was more casual teenage violence in a school where being the best was instilled from day one.

 

It bred a lot of arrogance but not much true violence.

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Mine is getting quite respectable in length now. I'm actually growing it out to see how long a beard the GF will tolerate.

 

 

Also, a nice long beard increases capacity for thinking and scheming.

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School was pretty *suitcase*. I think I had a similar situation to Stunt - small private schools leave you a braying *Ubar* or an awkward *bramston pickle*. Of course there are people in between but it's pretty accurate imo. 70% education 30% indoctrination.  Private school is very similar to the Army in that they both operate like cults.

 

 

Got suspended and threatened with expulsion after fisticuffs in front of the headmaster as he was showing people round lol (the other person involved was black so I was branded a racist for like, 2 weeks before people forgot) . Also broke through the computer network to download that sweet sweet warez. They hauled me into the deputy head's office with literally inches worth of screenshots of my computer activity "is there someway we can help you put your skills to good use George?" "nah". Also the Church of Scientology lectured us on drug use (lol) but I kicked off and the headmaster apologised in assembly. feelsgoodman.jpg.

 

I don't trust people that say that school was the best time of their lives. It was most likely at someone else's expense. 

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I agree, I was a *fruitcage* nightmare and I loved school.  

In my school, the dealers (most of my mates were heavy weed smokers by 13) were the ones getting mentioned for high attendance, and the smart kids were being put on report for too many absent days.  "I wonder why that was?"

Of course, me being a *suitcase*, refused to do drugs like the cool kids, and instead developed a vodka habit.

 

Darkchild

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I really want the time to make my own knives.

 

Want my own forge too to treat the blades.

 

I could do with being really rich so I can spend my days shooting and making knives. That would be heaven.

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