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R22Master

Telemarketers

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i got mine today

 

Them: Hello sir would you be interested in buying some double glazed windows?

Me: THEY DO THEM IN DOUBLE NOW!?!

 

He hung up ;)

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I've accidentally done #17 to a real telemarketer before. I got some crazy guy with a fake- sounding indian accent, and he was trying to sell me a trip to Disney world.

 

Him: "Don't you want to go to Disney World?"

Me: Damien, shut up. I know it's you.

Him: "I am not you friend. Don't you want to see Mickey Mouse?"

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I have a great solution, when I first moved into my house I kept a dictaphone in the bathroom for a few weeks, after a heavy night on the sauce followed by a curry the fallout was impressive to say the least, by recording these heroic bouts of flatulence I now have a tape that can be played to any cold callers I encounter.

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All very funny guys! I used to work in a call center and the best excuse from someone I ever got was:

 

"I'd love to mate, but I've just dropped 2 plastic bags full of live jellyfish on the kitchen floor and they're slowly moving towards my newborn baby!"

 

I thought it was so good that I just played along and said "Yeah I did that once! *laughs* We wont call back." and hung up.

 

But it has to be said, if everyone just signed up to the Telephone Preference Service (TPS) its actually illegal for sales people to call your home. I'm unsure as to whether there is a TPS in the United States though.

 

For all those in the UK, you can find out about the TPS and register here. To register just scroll down to the bottom of the page and click 'Register'.

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yea we have it in the states, i still get calls from time to time tho

 

the site is

 

www.donotcall.gov/

 

*p.s.* if iwas a telemarketer id pull the same sh** i do here with the nonsense and all just to ###### people off.

 

man id get a kick out of that.

 

drop food.not bombs

 

~spoon

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I've had 4 telemarketers phone me up at home today.  I have no idea how they get my number, and it's starting to drive me up the wall! 

 

i have a "suspiscion" that it is those HK sites people buy airsoft guns from.

i didnt start getting spammed until i was buying stuff oversees.

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What I like to do, is give these people a sense of guilt.

Once I had a call from a telemarketer, asking me If I would be interested in answering some questions regarding the light products of Coca Cola.

I said yes. just that day I read an article about Aspartane. :)

 

1st questions were kinda normal and I told her that I didn't drank nor ate light products.

 

she: Why not?

 

I: It contains Aspartaine.

 

she: A lot of products do sir.

 

I: Maybe, but most of them are light products.

 

She: It's also used in pharmacy sir.

 

I: well I don't need pills in the first place if I don't eat or drink that ######.

 

She: It is not that bad sir.

 

I: ( in a very calm tone troughout the conversation)really? It's bad for your brain, it can cause anxiety, depression, who knows what else? I mean a lot of children drink it, so technically they are being poisened en become stressed, depressed and so on. So what do they get prescriped? that's right, Relatine or something else, which is also full of poison. You do know that your comany is working voor a company that poisens children. How does that make you feel?

 

She: I don't know.

I: that is not a very humane answer, is it? You do realise that you are working for a highly orgenised company that technically is specialised in killing people. Afterall this substance can get you killed in high doses.

She: I know sir

I : Oh so you know, good. Let me ask you a question and please keep your job in mind.

She: OK

I: Do you have children or relatives with children?

She: Yes I do.

I: How does that make you feel that you are helping a company that is actually poisening your or your relatives children? You must be brave to get up every day and go to work without any doubt about what you are doing...

 

Then she started to cry and hung up immediatly

 

I know I am one FUBARed person but hey she learned a valuable lesson. :rolleyes:

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I was down in the garage testing my G3SG/1 after upgrading it when the phone rang.

 

Telemarketer. A woman.

 

I asked her to wait while I find my parents. I put the phone before the muzzle of the rifle and shot it multiple times. I asked her: how do you like the answer?

 

She had hung up.

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a few years ago when i was in the TA, i was a few months away from going on a six month tour to iraq (didnt go in the end long story) and one of the things i had to sort out was life insurance. funnily enough one day barclays bank phoned me up and the bloke down the phone asked if i wanted life insurance!!!

i thought brilliant! so i let the bloke waffle on about how cheap it was and how much the payout my missus would get etc.

when it came to me asking questions i kind of stumped him a little bit when i asked " erm yeah do you cover death by gunshot and or bomb?" he replied " no sir we dont cover that".

i then told him what i was going to be doing as a job and i wasnt interested in the policy if i wasnt covered and the bloke still tried to sell me a policy for my girlfriend!!!

gotta love em for trying :D

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i've just printed this to stick up by the phone..

 

when i was at uni in our halls block there was a public phone, unfortunately, because they don't check all the phone numbers while printing the phone books, the phone was the number for the BBC Photo archive.

 

We got many calls throughout the year.. so in the end what we did was run the phone cable round under the door into my flatmates bedroom and connected the phone, then whenever someone called for teh BBC we'd ask what they were after, look it up on google and then give them the address.

 

Best one we did was tell them we couldn't be bothered to search through, so we'd just send them a 20kg box of photos and they could find the one they wanted and send it back to us.. at their expense.

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I thought I was an evil saddist. In relation to the TPS thingy- we used to get 2 or 3 calls aa day before we signed up, but afterwards they near enough stopped completely.... except for Lawna windows or some other double glazing firm. If they call again I'll tell them what they are doing is illegal, and that should put the frighteners on them.

I have a good story about my Granddad. He once had a salesman call at his home (council house at the time), so he let him in and they sat down discussing double glazing. After a while my granddad expressed a interest so the guy went round his house measuring all the windows, then went back and gave my granddad the quote. At this point my granddad tells the bloke that its a good price, but he should talk to the council about it. The guy asks why, and my granddad tells him he doesnt own the house, the council does! Apparently the guy (who had been there an hour or more) just packed up his stuff without speaking and left. God bless they old guy, my hero.

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i had a call from a upvc company a few years ago. When the guy said he was from cambrian windows i said "oh great i have been waiting for you guys to call..........do you do conservatories" I swear i heard him rub his hands together so i went through what i needed in a conservatory. "I want it 30' by 15'............enough room for a pool and an airhokey table...with the automatic climate control windows and remote control blinds" (by this point the guy was drooling) so we ended up arranging for one of his surveyors to come out. He said "any questions" and i resposnded "wont cause any problems being a 5th storey council flat will it!!"

He said something very derogatory and slammed the phone down on me.

I am a wicked wicked man.

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i had a call from a upvc company a few years ago. When the guy said he was from cambrian windows i said "oh great i have been waiting for you guys to call..........do you do conservatories" I swear i heard him rub his hands together so i went through what i needed in a conservatory. "I want it 30' by 15'............enough room for a pool and an airhokey table...with the automatic climate control windows and remote control blinds" (by this point the guy was drooling) so we ended up arranging for one of his surveyors to come out. He said "any questions" and i resposnded "wont cause any problems being a 5th storey council flat will it!!"

He said something very derogatory and slammed the phone down on me.

I am a wicked wicked man.

 

lmao yes you are a wicked man! but a very funny one at that

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Best one that i did was when i was round my uncles bungalow. Got a call from an english guy trying to sell something or other.

 

Heres how it went;

 

Me: Wotcher !

 

Telemarketer: Hello, my name is Paul ***** and i work for ******. I was wondering, sir, if you have a few minutes free so we can tell you about this great offer?

 

Me:Two secs mate.....

 

I take the phone out side and set it on the way, i light a scarecrow banger and let it off by the phone.

 

Me: (away from phone) YES ! GOT 'EM THAT'LL TEACH YA TO SNEAK ONTO MY PROPERTY !

 

Me: (back inside) Sorry you were saying ?

 

T: Well....um......

 

Me: (to uncle) Oh, hey dear. can you put somethings on the To Do list? Drag the bodies to the trash, replace back door and buy more explosives?

 

Uncle: (obviously gay voice) sure thing!

 

Me: (to telemarketer) Right you were saying ?

 

He'd hung up........

 

Lol

 

OTACON

Josh

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love them all just so much.

 

but one range me yesterday, about 9.30AM, so i wasnt really happy, i had just got up, and turnt on my PC,

 

I just bought a new amp, fun fun, :P

 

And open'd up Windows Media player as i always do, and for some reason, Mozart was selected, just as the Indian man called, offering a new mobile contract with Three

 

Wacked speaker on full, and just play'd mozart loud for about 5 min's before the guy hung up,

 

I suggest just play random loud music. or the super Mario Brothers Tune!! yeh!

 

stewart,

 

^_^

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here a few to get rid of the telemarketing annoyiness

 

1.

 

telemarketer: hello can i spaek to mrs ********* please

 

me: no she died this morning

 

telemarketer:erm...im so sorry(hung up)

 

2.

telemarketer:can i speak to mrs ****** please

 

me: no shes not in at the moment

 

telemarketer: ok can i speak to mr ****** then please

 

me:no not in either

 

telemarketer:erm ok can i speak to a you ora suitable of member of the household please

 

me: dont come under either category mate sorry

 

telemarketer:erm...ok then who are you then sir

 

me op1. im the decorator

me op2. im a burgalur im turning the joint over

 

telemarketer:hangs up

 

all very funny ot do

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