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HappyHunter

Things not to say to a cop

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Heck I always ask officers what sidarm they carry. I got into a 50 minute talk one time with a guy because he carried a USP 40 S&W instead of the Issue Glock 17.

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I like the roadrunner one the best.  "Meep Meep!"

 

"Look!  A huge distracting thing!" *then floor it when he looks*

 

What not to say to a female officer:

 

"Seaing a woman in uniform just make me HOT..."

 

"Oh, whew.  I was afraid I'd have to deal with a tough kind of cop."

 

"Shouldn't you be in the kitchen right now?"

 

"How's this, I'll swap my license and number with yours and you can call me to tell me how sh-tty I was driving."

 

"So if a male cop is a pig, does that make you a sow?"

 

"Hey, while you're doing the strip search on me back at the station, I'll be doing a strip search on you...in my mind."

 

"Must be desparate for the attention of the opposite sex if you're working at a policed department."

 

"Hey, is it true what they say about female cops and their night-sticks?"

 

 

You made those up yourself, didn't you?

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Heck I always ask officers what sidarm they carry. I got into a 50 minute talk one time with a guy because he carried a USP 40 S&W instead of the Issue Glock 17.

 

That's pretty cool, I've never seen something like a USP carried around here.

 

One time at Wal-Mart, I was looking at the Star Wars figures and this cop came into the toy aisle and started making basic *chaffinch*-chat, mostly looking for suggestions on spider-man toys for a 5 year old. I noticed his gun wasn't the usual glock though, it was a Sig. The *chaffinch*-chat kinda died down and I thought about saying something like "that's a nice gun". Then I remembered- I'm an 18 year old staring at Star Wars action figures and about to start talking about a gun in Wal-Mart. :blink:

 

I kept my mouth shut. :unsure:

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"Don't you know who I am, a friend of the chief constable/prime minister/queen"

 

But my all time favourite

 

"You can't talk to me like that, I'm a liesure and tourism student"

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"Oh good you're not the one we beat up last week" and "I'm shagging your wife/daughter/mum/sister(delete as applicable)" will get you some quality truncheon time...

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Me: "Dude you can't search my car! You need a warrant even if I WAS packing a butt-load of pot in the truck next the illegally obtained speaker system and the M60 I stole from a local military base."

Officer: "Um...I never said I was going to to do any of that..."

 

*Takes out a donut as Cop hands me my ticket* Gee, officer, I'd REALLY like to say that nothing happened tonight, if you catch my drift."

There was a gangster rap song that did something like this where the cop blackmailed some guys into giving him some donuts.

 

Me: "Ok, look, I gotta get to the pet shop to get a cat to stick up my *albatross*."

Officer: "Why do you want to stick a cat up your *albatross*?"

Me: "Well, how else am I gonna get the hamster out?"

(paraphrased from 'Mallrats')

 

"Wow, you're a really nice guy. The last one of you guys that pulled me over beat the ###### out of me because he thought I was black or something."

 

Something not to DO at the time a cop pulls you over:

 

Dress up as an Arab and tell the cop: "You just wait until my Jihad-buddies hear about this, you infidel!"

 

Dress as a Jew and when the cop pulls you out of the car, pretend he breaks soe part of you and scream: "Aaugh! Just for that, I'm gonna get my friends back in the law offices to sue your goy *albatross* off!"

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Picture this,

 

Some dashingly handsom cops stood outside a club while a uniform and drugs dog does a search.

 

Dude with backpack to plainclothes cops "Hey what's that dog doing?"

Cops "Oh I think it's a sniffer dog, looking for drugs"

Dude" Oh man they need to get a new one, it didn't smell none of the E in my bag"...

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That's pretty cool, I've never seen something like a USP carried around here.

 

One time at Wal-Mart, I was looking at the Star Wars figures and this cop came into the toy aisle and started making basic *chaffinch*-chat, mostly looking for suggestions on spider-man toys for a 5 year old.  I noticed his gun wasn't the usual glock though, it was a Sig.  The *chaffinch*-chat kinda died down and I thought about saying something like "that's a nice gun".  Then I remembered- I'm an 18 year old staring at Star Wars action figures and about to start talking about a gun in Wal-Mart. :blink:

 

I kept my mouth shut. :unsure:

 

 

LOL. a lot of cops carry sigs around here. tho i did run into one female cop (can i call them chick cops?) that was packing a S&W in 45 . and the three stoogies she was with (stoogies = stae patrol) had S&W as well. but in 9mm....

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We were playing on some property, and some paranoid passerbyer called the police. They said they didn't mind us playing, and actually thought the guns were cool, but told us to find somewhere more secluded to play, and to keep our kit locked up in a car or something while we play so it wont get swiped. Also they said the area had a large gun crime rate, and they were afraid we would get shot for real. Its all good though because we have other places to play.

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"No, officer, I haven't been drinking. Gambling maybe, but no alcohol."

"You can finish that beer; I've got five more."~Longest Yard.

""I told you I'd pass the Feild Sobriety Test! Not bad for a drunk guy, huh?!...Ohh *fruitcage*..."

"Yes mr Immagration Officer, we're ALL US citizens. However, I don't remember where the guys in the trunk came from..."

"I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No doughnut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?"-Comedy Central. All the rest (Including the bottom one) are mine. :P

 

And me personal favorite:

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!!!"

:o:D

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