Sledge Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 "Officer, if I said you had a nice car, would you let me violently butt rape you with your nightstick?" Link to post Share on other sites
hippiehater44 Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 I swear to drunk officer im not god!! Link to post Share on other sites
El_Hombre Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 I swear to drunk I'm not...oh wait, 3 people said it already. I like the idea of giving the cop a little exercise. The whole time they're writing your ticket, cruise along at about 1 mile per hour. Just enough to make them shift or walk a little every couple seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
slip_stream11 Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 Yeah, hippehater's got my drift. Things not to DO when Police are around: Pretend to shoplift something, making sure they see you do it. Get caught. Get public apology. Buy a dozen doughnuts. Eat whilst looking at them with a "Want it? Well, you can't have it!" look.(~I've actually done this number. Funny as hell; depending on what kinda cop you get.) Wear a shirt that says:"Micheal Kalashnakov Fan Klub". Act a little nutters. Have a way-too-loud conversation about how easy it could be to, I dunno, start a riot or something; be creative. Watch cop watch you, looking nervous with a hand tickling his holster. In a police lineup: Point to the guy next to you. If you can, sweat an outrageous amount. Start singing random songs. ("...Dust in the winnnd...All we are is...") Start tap-dancing; or better yet: River dancing! Run in place./Do jumping jacks. Pretend your insane. Be creative here. (I like to talk in a reall evil voice. That really aloof creepy kind.) Well, 11:00pm here, now. I'm off. Link to post Share on other sites
sprayerhunter22 Posted November 13, 2005 Report Share Posted November 13, 2005 *cop pulls you over* Me: "Hey! All you illegals in the trunk shut the *fruitcage up!* I'm trying to get rid of this a*****e!" (my friend actually did that to me in a car, but the cop had heard the joke before.) Link to post Share on other sites
Dmitri Kalashnikov Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 Things not to say or do to a cop in the spirit of Star Wars: Wave your hand in front of the cop that pulled you over and say "This isn't the speeding car you're after." Try to Force-choke him. Pretend to talk like a wookie. When he tells you your speed, say, "You call (insert speed) speeding? This baby can make 0.5 Warp!" Narrow your eyes and speak in a deep and creepy voice, "Execute Order Sixty-Six." As he has you step out of the car, take an extending lightsaber toy and start hitting him with it while making the lightsaber sound effects. "Man, what is it with you clone troopers and giving tickets? Don't you have rebel scum to be beating up?" Act all impatiant and say "Can you hurry this up? I have a pod-race to bet on!" Act ###### and say "Oh, that does it! If I become a Sith, you're gonna be the first person I kill!" That's all I can think of for now. Link to post Share on other sites
slip_stream11 Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 Ahahaha! This am funnI thr34I) !!!!11 (^Ye4k, I hav3 m4d l33t hax0r sh!lIs anc/ l450r v!sl0n!!!!!11) ^If anyone can tell me what I just said...I'll let you try out my Star L85! Cheers, Matthew Link to post Share on other sites
SgtBojangles Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 Me: "Dude you can't search my car! You need a warrant even if I WAS packing a butt-load of pot in the truck next the illegally obtained speaker system and the M60 I stole from a local military base." Officer: "Um...I never said I was going to to do any of that..." IIRC, they don't need a warrant to search your car. They'll ask, and you can say no even if you aren't hiding anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Full Metal Jacket Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 "Hello, officers. My name is Rodney King. I'm just out for a drive with the sports star turned actor, O.J. Simpson." <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Pure. Genius. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitch Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 Things I've actually said to a cop: Cop: License and registration, sir. Me: How about you get the registration, it's in the glovebox under my .45 and I don't think you want me reaching in there. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Best one of the whole post. My own suggestions would be not to get out of the car and start dancing to their lights, thinking you've mad it to another club. Also, don't get high on LSD and go driving. When the cops pull you, you'll see him aproach in your wing mirror and will think he is actually only 3 inches tall. You'll wonder how such a little cop drives such a big car and entertain the notion of putting him in a jam jar and driving away. Cops also don't appreciate fish driving cars... Ah Bill... thanks man. Link to post Share on other sites
Banzai Posted November 14, 2005 Report Share Posted November 14, 2005 Best one of the whole post. My own suggestions would be not to get out of the car and start dancing to their lights, thinking you've mad it to another club. Also, don't get high on LSD and go driving. When the cops pull you, you'll see him aproach in your wing mirror and will think he is actually only 3 inches tall. You'll wonder how such a little cop drives such a big car and entertain the notion of putting him in a jam jar and driving away. Cops also don't appreciate fish driving cars... Ah Bill... thanks man. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> my ribs hurt from teh pain Link to post Share on other sites
El_Hombre Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 Ahahaha! This am funnI thr34I) !!!!11 (^Ye4k, I hav3 m4d l33t hax0r sh!lIs anc/ l450r v!sl0n!!!!!11) ^If anyone can tell me what I just said...I'll let you try out my Star L85! Cheers, Matthew <{POST_SNAPBACK}> "Yeah, I have mad leet (elite) haxor (hacker) skills and lasor (laser) vision!" All your star L85 are belong to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Dmitri Kalashnikov Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 After being pulled over after speeding WAY too much, tell him, "You gotta admit, sir, that was f--king awesome." Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 When he asks for your license, hand him a Jacobs Cream Cracker that has been ejaculated on by the Royal Marines. Link to post Share on other sites
Desolation mkII Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 How will he know it is ejaculation from the royal marines? Will you have a certificate to say so or will the sperm be performing highly trained room clearing techniques on all rivets and cracks in the cracker. Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 N00b! Everyone knows the Royal Marines frame any cracker they've jizzed on, and include a certificate of authenticity signed by the Queen's favorite fishmonger. Link to post Share on other sites
Dmitri Kalashnikov Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 lol Strap hot-dogs to yourself before-hand and put fuses in them and make it look like you've got dynamite on you. Then jump out of the car and yell "One step closer, and the Franks explode on you!" Link to post Share on other sites
Desolation mkII Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 Then the cop, not seeing they are sausages, puts a couple of rounds into your head. N00b! Everyone knows the Royal Marines frame any cracker they've jizzed on, and include a certificate of authenticity signed by the Queen's favorite fishmonger. ™ I feel so ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
kickasspartan117 Posted November 15, 2005 Report Share Posted November 15, 2005 As he has you step out of the car, take an extending lightsaber toy and start hitting him with it while making the lightsaber sound effects. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> this will get you arested. Link to post Share on other sites
The n00b wh0 pwns Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 my friends dads friend tried the "these are not the droid you are looking for thing" the cop said "These are not the droids i'm looking for" got in his car and drove away. Link to post Share on other sites
Ghost_Rider Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 As he has you step out of the car, take an extending lightsaber toy and start hitting him with it while making the lightsaber sound effects. this will get you arested. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Or worse. http://www.break.com/articles/copfinger.html Link to post Share on other sites
kickasspartan117 Posted November 24, 2005 Report Share Posted November 24, 2005 Holy ######! Can a cop do that to you for flipping him off? Link to post Share on other sites
Krazy L Posted November 24, 2005 Report Share Posted November 24, 2005 here is a good one not to say.. officer i no i was doing 105 in a 45. but i am running from my neihbor... cop: why you: i stole his 50lbs of meth and his illegal machine guns! cop: WHAT!? you: well he owed me 3 grand for some dope.... Link to post Share on other sites
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