'You Know You're Old...'

[Dmitri Kalashnikov]

Ok, so on ASF, someone started a thread about 'You Know You're Old When...' jokes. The point of this thread is to to see what sort of funny things we can point out comparing Generations Y (or is it 'D' as in digital?) and X to Baby Boomers and older. The point of this is not to say hurtful things like 'Hahaha! You're old because you're in your forties!' or any bullsh-t like that. Let's be respectful here. Some of us are in our late twenties/thirties, but we have the heart of an 13 year old. Some of us are in our early teens/early twenties and we have the heart of someone in their Golden Years. I may be 19, but I have the fiery spirit of a former Bolshevik that still wants the scarlet banner to flutter above Mother Russia. Okay? Now, onto the jokes!

 

You know you're old when you still think Prussia, Siam, and the Ottoman Empire are still around.

 

How to tell a Gen Y/D from a Gen X from a Baby Boomer (Dave Berry's way):

 

Q: When was the first time you heard The Beatles?

 

a) In a '64 Rambler

In a fallopian tube

c) At a nursing home

 

You know you're old when you still go out to your mailbox because your computer keeps telling you that you have mail.

 

You know you're old (or a historian) when you actually got excited when we found out who 'Deepthroat' was.

 

You know you're old when your class reunion has a scheduled nap-time.

 

You know you're old when you still write letters with a typewriter.

 

You know you're old if you think that the russki's are still plotting our demise.

 

You know you're old if you think the recession was a cake-walk compared to what you grew up with.

 

You know you're old if you think movies these days have too much razzle-dazzle.

 

You know you're old if you can remember a time when 'dancing' didn't mean shaking your *albartroth* and boobs around.

 

You know you're old if you think that kids are wearing sagging pants at half-mast because a rapper died.

 

You know you're old when you think that any kid with a 'learning disability' just needs a good whoopin' to straighten them out.

 

You know you're old when you can remember a funny-*albartroth* joke from Johnny Carson's talkshow, but you can't remember what you got up to do just now.

 

You know you're old when you still think that America makes the best electronics in the world.

 

You know you're old when you can remember what movies Ronald Reagan used some lines from his speeches from.

 

You know you're old when need a little viagra just to make sure you don't miss the toilet when you pee.

 

You know you're old when your wife demands she get a tetnus shot before you have sex with her after going 40 years without doing it.

 

That's all for now. Yes, most of those are jokes I made up, some (like the sagging pants and the Dave Barry one) are copies from other peoples' routines. So, what do YOU think makes someone old?

[clmwrx]

Ha my great grandpa got mad due to americans dont make the best tv anymore..

[Magnus]

You know you're old when you find it laughable when people refer to emo music as "heavy."

 

You know you're old when you mention the game Perfect Dark only to get quizzical glances.

 

Similiarly, you know you're old when you use a catchphrase from a TV program which was hugely popular at the time and yet have to explain yourself.

 

You know you're old when you can't believe that (insert name) actually thought that (insert song) was originally performed by (insert cover band).

 

You know you're old when you're gleeful after busting punks. (if you've ever worked in a doorperson/guard capacity you know what I mean)

 

You know you're old when you're disappointed that the movie "Jarhead" incorrectly referenced Metroid as having nine levels.

[El_Hombre]

You know you're old (or a historian) when you actually got excited when we found out who 'Deepthroat' was.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It was Grey Fox!

Er...

[Sledge]

I thought it was Linda Lovelace.

 

[joeking27]

Ha my great grandpa got mad due to americans dont make the best tv anymore..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Quite.

 

You know you're old when you need to be taught slang terms by younger folk.

[Kipper]

You know your old when the computer starts playing tricks on you

[Hardcore_Mitsuko]

I knew I was old when I said to Rob15 "I had my navel pierced when I was your age."

 

"Your age"?

[Full Metal Jacket]

You know you're old, when you remember a certain thread involving Hardcore_Mitsuko.

 

Also involving certain project that came to a halt because of "technical difficulties "

[slip_stream11]

It was Grey Fox!

Er...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yep; that guy that Liquid snake stomped on with the metal gear and was Dr. Naomi's husband and Snake gave him Foxdie and then....Erm, that is to say; You know you're (I'm) old when you remember every detail about a PlayStation One game; but you don't remember how you got that bruise on your arm.

You know you're old if you can recall the horrors of chasing the blue and green dudes with eggs in the original Spyro. (Me again...Damn, 15's actually pretty old...)

You (Of course, I) know you're old if when you first heard of the Black Berry gaining wild popularity; you thought that putting rocks in a sock and swinging away had finnaly been restored! ( I'm self-owning here...)

You know you're old if you don't wear socks in your home anymore because you fear the static-shock will cause your pace-maker to skip a beat.

You know you're old when the music you listen too one day got changed to "Oldie" or "Classic".

You know you're old if you think "IMO" followed by a place is a way of giving location. (IMO-here!; like "I'm o'er here!)

You know you're old if you think: I hav mad L33T sk!lls an' L4zor-vi5ion! is some kind of identification number. (AHahahah! Thanks, Systema!)

You know you're old if the colledge you graduated from can no longer be found.

You know you're old if your car has a crank on the front.

You know you're old if every time you look out the window, you say:"There goes the neighborhood!".

You know you're old if you represent your favorite (American) football teams with a leather helemet.

You know you're old if you ever saw the Statue of Liberty when it was copper. <Bronze? If you know you're old.>

You know you're old if you complain about "That old Crusades battle wound.".

You know you're old if the only peice of art displayed in your home was made with crushed bugs and blood; and is draw directly on your (rocky) wall.

Whew, sure hope you enjoyed; I made them ALLLLL up on the spot in 35 minutes....SSSOOOOO.....+1 me!

[Onechance]

You know your old when your in a nursing home.

[HappyHunter]

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You're proud of your lawn mower.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

You're asleep, but others worry you're dead.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You answer questions with, "Because I said so!"

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

 

When you are reading this seeing if it applies to you

[Full Metal Jacket]

You know you're old when you look back at the days when:

 

[Skarclaw]

You know you're old (or a historian) when you actually got excited when we found out who 'Deepthroat' was.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I was excited, and I'm 15.

 

######.

[Samm]

You know you're old when you become as cynical and twisted as Sledge.

 

Also when you have meaningful conversations with Antagon, but that could just be because I'm mean.

[Full Metal Jacket]

You know you're old when you become as cynical and twisted as Sledge.

 

Also when you have meaningful conversations with Antagon, but that could just be because I'm mean.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

 

..Cynical and twisted... stuff.

[Sypher]

You know you're old when your underpants have more skid marks than the starting grid at the last F1 race.

[Dmitri Kalashnikov]

You know you're old when you can remember a time when $5 worth of gas could keep you going for over a week.