My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

[Short Stack]

I still like mah 'vette, wether it be complicated or not(There's electronic buttons instead of lever's to open the doors, LOL!)

[Stealthbomber]

I still like mah 'vette, wether it be complicated or not(There's electronic buttons instead of lever's to open the doors, LOL!)

You know where to come when you want to moan after the battery goes flat cos your missus left one of the vanity lights switched on.

 

I did, however, once fill a petrol hire car with diesel...

Well, I've been driving hire cars every couple of weeks for nearly 20 years and as soon as I dump my bags in the boot I ALWAYS pop the bonnet, check the brake fluid, coolant, washer fluid and look for spark plug leads.

 

Just saying, like.

[GuzziHero]

Aren't the fuel tank filling ports supposed to be different sizes to accommodate this?

 

True story. At Arriva, we had a driver come down from Shrewsbury to fill in for missing drivers. He's used to driving Leyland Olympians. We put him in a Dart. We had to check/top up the water in the buses in the morning before we went out.

 

You can see what's coming...

 

40 yards down the road, the bus stops. He'd topped up the diesel tank with water/antifreeze.

[Stealthbomber]

Aren't the fuel tank filling ports supposed to be different sizes to accommodate this?

It never really took off.

 

Something related to this happened to me a few years back.

I got a hire car, drove it 400 miles and then, when I came to fill it up I could NOT get the damned nozzle to go into the filler properly.

It went in but no fule would go in.

As it was a company hire-car I just thought "Life's too short" and off-hired it empty and left my company to pay the obscene cost that hire-car companies charge for fuel.

 

Later on I discovered it was some fancy new (at the time) kind of nozzle that you had to insert and then twist to lock it into place and allow fuel to flow.

Once I had it figured out I felt all smug and clever but, in the years since then, I've only ever encountered a car with that kind of nozzle a couple of times more.

 

I think petrol fillers might be bigger than diesel ones (or smaller?) but I guess there's still the potential to put a small nozzle into a big filler.

 

 

In other car-related news, it seems as though somebody around here had a party last night and there are cars abandoned ("parked" would be too kind a word) all over the street.

Why are some people so ignorant that they think it'll be okay to park their car in the turning area at the end of a cul-de-sac or in the passing places of a narrow street?

Gits!

[Hedganian]

Well, I've been driving hire cars every couple of weeks for nearly 20 years and as soon as I dump my bags in the boot I ALWAYS pop the bonnet, check the brake fluid, coolant, washer fluid and look for spark plug leads.

 

Just saying, like.

 

 

Not with you. First Parading the vehicle includes checking the fluid levels, tyres, bodywork, lights, brakes, all sorts. That was done 48 hours before I returned the vehicle after a hard weekend, and I was tired and wanted to go home. I admit that I *should* have checked the fuel type, but given that EVERY other vehicle I'd ever driven for the army was diesel-powered, it seemed like a safe bet.

 

Oh well.

[GuzziHero]

HOLY ****ing **** I ****ing hate that **** Labyrinth Zone 3!!!!!

 

****!

[Hedganian]

Come again?

[GuzziHero]

I can kick *albatross* on almost any PS1 or 2 game Ive played. But **** me, I lost 9 bloody lives on Sonic The Hedgehog Labyrinth Zone, 6 on part 3 alone. GRRRRRR!!!

[Hedganian]

Ah. I see.

[GuzziHero]

Finished Sonic Built up 21 lives and lost all but 9 on Labyrinth Zone and Scrap Brain 3..!

 

Anyway...new thing: political callers.

 

Never had one before which shows how desperate Labour must be getting.

 

"Good afternoon, I am calling on behalf of Rob Flello, your local Labour MP"...

"I'm not voting Labour, they've ****ed this country right up."

"Oh...okay...thanks for your time."

 

HA HA!

[Hedganian]

If anyone asks me who I'm voting for, I remind them that it's a Secret Ballot and I intend to keep it that way.

 

 

Goddammit, I hate this party politics bs. If only everyone (or, enough people, at least) would stop voting for their favourite colour long enough to vote for the best independant candidate, and we'd be able to restore the parliamentary system to the way it's MEANT to be practically overnight.

 

Not much chance of that happening. Most people would vote for a chimpanzee or a mop if the party put the right colour ribbon around it...

[amateurstuntman]

I had one come to my door today.

Before he could even start I just said:

"Sorry mate, I don't have time to listen to a *Ubar* explaining the difference between him and other *Ubarflock*"

 

It sort of threw him.

 

I had my front door open before he arrived to help clear the dust out of my house and he kind of hovered in the doorway for a while after I walked back into the house.

 

Then my wife came out of the living room and said "I can shut the door in your face if it will help?"

 

I have never loved her more.

[AceOfSkulls]

i have had a couple "who you voting for" callers, but they have both turned out to be jehovah witnesses. Aparently you cant get into heaven if you dont have a enough points but its ok to ###### and lie to get those points. Still i suppose its different to "as a person , do you ever worry about the bad things going on in the world today? if so you probably need more jesus* in your diet!" its got to the point where i even set a date for them to come back and talk to me about there religion, not that they ever do come back ..... im so lonely.

 

*and by jesus we mean our exact interpritation, none of those other bible based religions jesus's.

[Hedganian]

I could tell a few tales about playing with JWs, but it's almost too easy.

 

Don't get many round our way these days. Being out of work, I'd almost welcome the diversion. I hear that asking them to come in for tea really throws them, since they're expecting abuse everywhere they go.

 

Two things are winding me up at the moment.

 

The first and most minor is the occassional database error stopping me from getting onto Arnie's or from posting. Annoying, but usually short-lived.

 

The more major one is the germs rampaging through my system making me all shivery and bunged-up and whatnot. I swear, I never used to get germs that made me feel this bad. It's got to just be a cold, but it's really hitting me hard. I don't understand it...

[Stealthbomber]

I hate halfassed electrical stuff.

 

My water heater controller snuffed it recently.

Turned out the microswitch inside had burned out and, what's more, shorted out so the water heater was on permanently (switched on and off continuously by the thermostat, fortunately, so the tank didn't get pressurised and explode) which really racked up the leccy bill.

 

Anyway, I ordered a new controller rated for 13amps and 3kw which is all well and good.

However, when it arrived it turned out to be remarkably similar to the one that burned out so I took it to bits to have a look.

Inside there's a poxy bloody microswitch rated at 8 amps.

Eight bleedin amps!

 

I mean, it's not like an AEG where you might be able to get away with using an under-rated switch cos it only gets used for short periods and, more importantly, it's unlikely the switch in your AEG is ever going to catch fire without you noticing and go on to burn your house down.

 

It's a water heater controller. It lives in a cupboard next to the bathroom and turns itself on and off at 3am to hot the water up, which takes a couple of hours.

It's supposed to pump high voltage and high amperage for long periods while I'm asleep.

And they fit the f**king thing with a component NOT rated for the job at hand.

 

Ironically enough, I have a cheap digital timer which I bought (for £4.99 off eBay) for turning my PC on and off automatically but never used.

I took that to bits to have a look and it's got a heavy-duty 30 amp relay inside it.

It's so much better made than the "proper" one that it's just not funny.

 

I ended up replacing the timer with a 13amp socket and then plugging the timer in and then plugging the water heater into that.

[Hedganian]

I hoep you went back to wherever you got that part rated for 13A from and played merry hell with them. Seriously, that's got to be illegal, they're misrepresenting the capability of their parts. If that part fails and your house burns down, they would surely be liable....

[amateurstuntman]

You wouldn't believe the crazy electrical shenanigans that are going on in my house.

A complete re-wire will sort it.

 

Nightmare.

 

RCD circuit breakers will be better than the old wire fuses.

 

At least the plumber is finished.

The gas main coming into my house was steel, screwed into a lead pipe screwed into a copper pipe that went through a concrete pad.

Whilst in the concrete pad (which was finished to an abysmal standard and had no moisture membrane at all) the copper pipe changed bore.

I think it might just be the most dangerous domestic gas installation I have ever seen.

 

All gone now.

 

Electrics are nearly as dangerous, we are installing a complete second system parallel to the existing system.

Once the installation is complete I will get the supplier to put a new meter in the new location and that process will make the new system live.

 

Still won't have a kitchen though.

 

They're overrated.

[Stealthbomber]

Still won't have a kitchen though.

 

They're overrated.

We had a new fitted kitchen put in last year.

While doing so we had to make do without a kitchen and, as a result, we ended up with the fridge sat in the corner of the living room with a microwave oven sat on top of it.

 

The missus hated the situation but I loved it.

It was kinda like camping.

[amateurstuntman]

Damn double post.

[amateurstuntman]

Same.

 

My microwave has a convection oven and a grill built in, it cost about 130 quid as I recall.

When I got it my wife moaned and moaned about the cost, she said you can get a microwave for 20 quid anything more is a waste of money.

I persisted.

It's my money I said.

 

Yesterday she said to me "I'm glad we got this microwave, this would be awful without it"

 

 

BOOM! TEN POINTS FOR ME LOSER!

[Hedganian]

You notice how when it was a "bad idea" it was your idea, but now it's a great thing it's "glad WE got this microwave" as if she didn't try to stop you doing it...

 

Women, eh?

[Stealthbomber]

I hoep you went back to wherever you got that part rated for 13A from and played merry hell with them. Seriously, that's got to be illegal, they're misrepresenting the capability of their parts. If that part fails and your house burns down, they would surely be liable....

I got it off the Screwfix website.

 

I phoned em up to complain and the guy just said "Meh, keep it. We'll refund your money".

I guess they're making a few bob then?

 

 

On the subject of women, and related to the palava with our airing cupboard, why do women need so much stuff

 

I spend a year in Spain and, when the job finished, I packed all my worldly posessions into the tailpack of my Ducati and rode it back to the UK.

Seriously, if I have 3 T-shirts, a pair of sweatpants, a pair of shorts, a shirt & tie, a pair of cargo pants and 10 pairs of socks and skids (and access to a washing machine) I'm good forever.

I need 2 Towels, both the same size. I use one and then, when it gets a bit manky, I bung it in the wash and use the 2nd one.

 

So, how come we need 6 (yes, I counted em - SIX) duvet covers?

I mean, surely 2 is the optimal number. One to replace the other when it's in the wash.

Same thing with pillowcases and sheets, right?

Why do we have 20-odd towels and 4 sets of bath mats etc?

 

Don't get me started on actual clothes.

The worst part is that whenever I discover heaps of the missus' clothes she always digs through them and ends up saying "Oh, well I don't like this and that one is too big for me and these don't match my skirt and...." and end up back-heeling a bunch of stuff to other members of her tribe?

Why buy it in the first place and then, if there IS something wrong with it, why didn't you bin it before I found it in the back of the airing cupboard???

 

Lastly, ladies, a word of advice. You're not fooling anybody when you say "This? I've had this for ages. It's not new".

[amateurstuntman]

Packing to move house.

 

We have a huge argument along the lines of:

 

Stunt: "careful, you'll need that in the new house. Do you want me to put that in the last box I pack?"

 

Mrs Stunt: "don't tell me what to do, I know how to pack, I've moved house before"

 

Stunt: "OK, on your head be it, I'll pack my own *suitcase*"

 

A while later we have moved in and she has gone round the house removing one damn thing from each box, leaving the box open so it gets full of dust and filling the entire house with boxes that she point blank refuses to stack up on top of each other.

 

At the weekend, I went around the house re-sealing boxes and stacking them up and they all went in one room.

 

She is always having a go at me for being too emotionless and logical but when we are doing something that absolutely requires the application of logic she won't let me.

[GuzziHero]

I got an unlucky shot on the tongue earlier at SWAT. It wasnt the guys fault, I was waiting round a corner and he ran round, took me by surprise.

 

Had a meal on the way back, tongue swollen.

 

Got home and talking to a friend on MSN, and thought "I dont know whether I swallowed that BB or..."

 

Went to my wall mirror...felt an odd lump on the tongue...

 

POPPED THE BB OUT OF MY TONGUE.

 

HOLY ****!!!

[Triggerhappychappy]

Holy ######! No face mask then I take it?

 

That must have looked like when you see sea coral releasing eggs during a mass- spawning session....