Jump to content
Sledge

My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

Recommended Posts

I was in the army and as you can imagine I have a worryingly high and rapidly increasing number of mates with bits missing.

 

They all use wheelchairs you wheel yourself (except the ones with legs and arms missing) and it is a surprisingly good workout.

 

Not forgetting the vital rule.

 

Eat less calories than you need and you won't put on weight. If you are disabled, eat less.

If you have no legs, eat less.

 

99% of amputee soldiers wouldn't be seen dead on a mobility scooter.

 

Rozza recons it is awesome, he says he saves on shoes, gets drunk much cheaper, his bits still work and he still gets a lot of action.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At least there's a plus side to losing your legs..

 

Last night I went to see my brother play with a band he just joined. IT was really good, all of them very talented and the songs very light hearted, tongue in cheek style folky stuff.

 

But it was spoilt by a large contingent of people standing by the bar at the back chatting away through the entire set. What's the point of going to listen to live music when you dont listen to the loud music? It was quite a small venue but there was about 150 people there, and the 30 of those chatting constantly and loudly spoilt it for the rest.

 

They have some songs on their webpage if you're interested.www.string-fellows.co.uk.. dont be put off by the name

Edited by Vice

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On the subject of mobility scooters. Was driving around Cornwall last week on a road with a 50 limit, come around a corner and find a mobility scooter in the middle of my side of the road doing about 5 miles an hour. Got stuck behind him for a good quarter of a mile as there was no safe place to pass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm stressed... about stress.

 

I KNOW that I'm fine financially, and will be better if I get this new job. I KNOW I will get my £ back from the jizzball who owes me. I know I'm in the prime of my life and my minor medical concerns won't last too long.

 

So why can't my thick brain accept that in base 4, I'm fine?

 

So... I'm depressed... about being depressed. And I dont know any way out. I am listless and tired all the time. I'm not getting enough sleep. I have little energy or interest in anything.

 

*sigh*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People that state the obvious.

 

So I like to run to Tesco, it's a mile and a half away, I run, get the daily shopping, then run back. Sorts out the days excersise and shopping in one go.

 

So today I run down to Tesco, get my stuff and am standing waiting at the counter. Now it's a hot day and I am somewhat sweaty. I have wiped most away with my hand towel, but it is clar I have been running as I am standing in trainers, running shorts and a vest.

 

Some horrible scratty fat woman in front of me turns round and says very loudly, possibl;y to try impress her troglodite mates who are nearby'ergh you stink rotten' to which, taken aback, my response was "well your *fruitcage* ugly but everyone here can see that without me shouting it out" to which her mates ###### themselves and I got the usual 'my brother is going to *fruitcage* you up' speel.

 

If someone is doing excersise, there is never cause for insulting someone who is trying to better themselves. She didn't look like she had ever tried to better herself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Are they in a scooter because they are fat or fat because they are in a scooter?

 

I love to break the social boundaries by shouting stuff like:

"watch where you are going chubs!"

"out of my way fatty!"

"you can't park that there tubbs!"

 

Don't forget - despite what out crippling British politeness says - disabled people can be *albartrotheth* too.

 

I also like to use the middle urinal wherever possible thereby forcing the subsequent urinators to stand next to me.

 

I talk to people in queues.

 

I love messing with people.

 

Is there a subtle yet simple reason you have Space-Moose as your avatar? :D

post-4263-12794800644756_thumb.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am losing my hatred for Kaiser Chiefs. That annoys me, since I know they are one of the most awful bands I have ever heard.

 

I am compensating with more hatred for Black Eyed Peas...

 

---

Oh...and I know Im going on about it but... can 90% of all car drivers please **** off and leave the roads clear for us who know how to drive? Thanks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Colleagues,

 

Leave me alone. I have priorities. Fixing something "urgently" that you've been sitting on for two weeks, isn't one of them.

 

Regards,

Me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have signed onto the dole today. Bit depressing but I need money while I find work.

 

My rant is how easy it is to fulfill their 'Job Seeker's Agreement'.

 

To get my £55/week JSA all I have to do is 'take 3 steps towards getting a job a week'.

 

A step can literally be looking at the paper.. looking on monster.. maybe ringing a company..

 

Its too *fruitcage* easy, I can see how people can sit on JSA for ages because they just seem to be giving money away.

 

 

Today I applied for a job, had a phone interview for a different job and rang a friend's friend about possibly working for his company..

£55 for 90mins work

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow im surprised you managed to make it last 90 minuetes (no offence intended)..... i guess you actually trying to get a job though, whilst i was claiming JSA last year for about 3 months i figured you didnt actually have to do anything, just say you were doing such things as they have no way of checking (i was just waiting to start a job i had lined up). in the short term anyway.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope, i did actually look for jobs but i had one waiting for me. I was just trying to make a point about how easy it can be for people to do such things as all they do is ask you if have done your *tasks* and require no proof of such.

 

Did anybody on here see the program BBC did a few months back about being on JSA with some *celebs* Rich famous and jobless or something like that?

Edited by bum_fluff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell you what, you try paying a mortgage, council tax, all your houshold bills, paying for a car, a bank loan (from years ago) and a bunch of credit cards, not to mention buying food and actually trying to live on that money. THEN find it suddenly stops after a certain length of time and you have to fill in *another* 40-page form to try to get some money again, meanwhile getting NOTHING... Then tell me it's too easy. <_<

 

Most weeks I apply for over 20 different jobs through a variety of websites, agencies and whatnot. Over 99% of them never reply. <_<

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well if your genuinly claiming after losing a job then fair do, how come you get nothing? I meant as in its easy to *cheat* the system and continue claiming forever more.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Because that's how the system works. Making a new claim is too complicated and - unlike asylum seeking spongers - no-one will tell me what I'm entitled to claim for or help me to get money that I should get. Instead they make it hard. For example, the letter I got saying that my "contributions based" payments were ending didn't say ANYTHING about what to do next or how I could claim other money. I have to find out for myself, and then fill in loads more paperwork (that I have to ASK for) to *MAYBE* get the money I was getting before, but "probably less"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow im surprised you managed to make it last 90 minuetes (no offence intended)..... i guess you actually trying to get a job though, whilst i was claiming JSA last year for about 3 months i figured you didnt actually have to do anything, just say you were doing such things as they have no way of checking (i was just waiting to start a job i had lined up). in the short term anyway.

 

They are asking me to bring proof of doing it in... like a print out of emails confirming application etc.

 

@Hedge:

I hate the no response policy most places seem to operate now. Spend an hour filling out their *suitcasey* custom forms and writing cover letters etc, then they dont have courtesy to send off an email simply saying 'sorry but you havnt got the job/interview'.

 

Such email would take all of 10 seconds to write.

 

The worst thing I've had so far is applying for a job I have plenty of experience doing (IT work in a college) and have excellent references (Managers of several IT depts/companies) for and hearing nothing back. Upon ringing them to find out wtf happened apparently they just hired the manager's nephew who has no experience and has just dropped out of 6th form.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I applied to work at HM Treasury once. They were kind enough to reply by post that unfortunately I hadn't been successful.

 

 

 

 

3 months after my application.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@vice: well either they've changed the rules or its different from office to office. It was early last year i was claiming which was before most of the get tough on dole scum stuff start AFAIK.

 

As for no replies from companies can you imagine having to write that ten second email to everyone that applies for a job? maybe not so bad for skilled/trained jobs but back when i worked for IKEA in 08 we had 3 positions open and over 500 applicants, so 497 ten second emails takes up quite a lot of time for no gain to the company. Cold but true i feel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ever heard of templates? Simply select all the unsuccessful email applications, click the template and it will generate replies to everyone. It's not hard, takes about 5 minutes to set up. Assuming you can be bothered... :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been on the dole for a good 20 months now (nearly 2 years...that's fething depressing...), and whilst I haven't exactly been spamming everywhere with jobs (tho I have been as of these last 4 months), I haven't exactly been sat on my *albartroth* either. I don't have to prove a damn thing to the people at the Job Centre I'm at, just have to show them my form detailing what I've done, sign on the dotted line and 4 days later I get £101.03 in my bank account. I do this every 2 weeks, and, tbh, I used to just make stuff up when I was badly depressed and couldn't be motivated to do much other than eat, sleep and play XBox. I don't do it any more, I do actually actively look nowadays, but they don't check at all. The only times they check are when they give you stuff at the centre, ie. they do the search and print it out for you. The rest of the time, they just take your word for it.

 

In less than a week, I'm essentially being booted out though, going to live with my girlfriend in a new flat, but I'm going to have to pull my weight, which I doubt I'll be able to with what I'm on atm, so I am literally spamming places now. Sucks, 'cos like someone said above, in 4 months of minimum 5 applications a day (current record is 9 in one day), I've gotten 4 replies, all of which are rejections, and I'm not exactly a school drop-out, I have qualifications. It sucks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The more highly qualified you are, the less employable you seem. <_<

 

 

Today, I'm really ###### off because I don't have the money to go to the airsofting weekend that I was really looking forward to... And I don't mean "don't have the money" as in "I shouldn't spend money on this thing", I literally do not *HAVE* the money... :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well its all about the right qualifications these days. I did a 2 day coarse, sat 2 very simple tests and for my current job means far more than my GCSEs or A levels (Im a security guard)

 

People who turn any mention of the VCRA into a game of *look how much i know* and have no common sense and proceed to argue for post after post about stuff that isnt even relavent to the discussion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use and the use of session cookies.