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My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

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Take the Stunt approach - just barge past them. Afterall, they're being rude to you, why not treat them the same?

 

 

 

I heartily endorse this event or product.

 

 

 

My rant for the day:

 

Devon.

 

I have just returned from a week's "holiday" in Devon.

 

First:

I was supposed to be going to Kenya for 2 weeks, beautiful sandy beaches, private air conditioned bungalow right on the sand, 5 star all inclusive resort, all payed for my my mother-in-law as a treat for my wife and her brother for both finishing their degree equivalents.

My mother-in-law had paid 6 thousand quid of a deposit when she died of cancer last year.

The week after she died my father-in-law (tool) went down to the travel agent and canceled the whole thing.

 

He later decided we would all go to Devon instead. Carol and I decided to go, we didn't want him to be alone and have to look after the kids without his wife on what was the last event that we had planned before she died.

 

So it was going to be pretty grim, My wife, me, my brother-in-law, his boyfriend, my father-in-law and his foster kids. At least we would be there for him.

 

It changed again though, he invited his new girlfriend.

 

Only 9 months after his wife died (who I loved as much as my own mum) we were stuck on holiday with her and her foster daughter too.

 

Brilliant.

 

###### old thatched cottage I couldn't stand up in, ###### weather, nothing to do and my father-in-law being indiscreet with his new girlfriend who I don't like and who keeps sticking her nose in where it's not wanted.

 

 

On top of that, what the hell is going on with drivers in Dorset?

I have driven in Thailand and India and the drivers down there are worse.

 

Idiots.

 

Well I'm back now, now I need a holiday.

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Tony's not that bad a name for a cat Mine is called George.

 

And don't say that about Devon and Dorset. I'm going there in the morrow and already not looking forward to it!!

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Haribo is a cool name. My cats are called Zeus and Brutus :P

 

A guy came round earlier asking if we'd seen the big black n white cat. Apparently its name is Tony and he wants him back home :S I invited him to stay and wait with some food and a cage but the rain put him off.

 

Tony the cat..

 

Theres a cat near me like that, big and black and white. It used to keep coming round our house and eating all of my cats food and fighting with it. Caused about £400 worth of vets bills. We got a magnetic cat flap to keep it out, so the cat needs a magnetic collar on to get in. Which worked for a few months then it managed to get one too so could still get in... We've now bought a fairly big Super Soaker which is kept full and ready to fire although it usually comes in at night.

 

Why are toasters so ridiculously labelled?

 

We just bought a new toaster which goes from 1 to 6.

Why? Everyone likes it golden brown surely?

 

My toaster is pretty good, it just has a timer in minutes and a little arrow on the dial just after 2 which is the "perfect" time.

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Why are toasters so ridiculously labelled?

 

We just bought a new toaster which goes from 1 to 6.

Why? Everyone likes it golden brown surely?

 

I just tried making toast on '3' and it burnt it really quite badly. The manual lists 1 as 'light' and 6 as 'dark' but what it should read is:

 

1- Warmed

2- Toasted

3- Burnt

4, 5 & 6 - *fruitcage*ed

 

Not only that but it has ridiculous settings like reheat, defrost and 'bagel'.

 

I think I might invent a toaster with no buttons and go on Dragon's Den.

Just put the bread in and it comes out nicely toasted.

Unfortunately it also depends on the bread you're toasting. See a Hovis or a Kingsmill, a generic white supermarket loaf needs a 3 on my toaster, but my dad's bread (a baker by trade) needs a 4. Throw granary or wholemeal into the equation and suddenly it all becomes relevant.

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Devon? Pah! It's all right for some, you can go home. I actually live here.

 

Oh, new rant. Tourists, or as we call them; Grockles! I HATE them! They clog up the roads. They've got fat whiney kids. Some of them talk funny and they seem to think that shouting makes them easier to understand. They've got no idea as to what the countryside is about (NO, that cow hasn't got four willies!). Gawd, I'm glad when they go home.

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I want to live in a country that is REALLY secular. I'm *fruitcage* sick to death with those *fruitcage* *fruitcage*ers sitting on their dumb asses near the Presidential Palace, claiming that the president is an usurper, the prime minister a murderer and that they won't let anyone move the cross they DIDN'T bring there (it was brought by the scouts, and for a different reason altogether!) to A CHURCH of all places. I swear to God, if this country was normal, coppers would round them up and respond with appropriate force (called "police brutality" by all sorts of pussies) to any assault attempts. And then, they'd bring forward all kinds of charges. Disorderly conduct, illegal gathering, assaulting a police officer on duty... Maybe even drunkenness in public.

 

But no, this *fruitcage* *suitcase*-caked *albatross* of a country in the *fruitcage* Middle Eastern Europe will NEVER be normal. At least not until some idiots get punched hard in the teeth for their stupidity. There's no other way they can learn.

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...the main reason for which is to leave them selves open to a sequel. But because Sherlock was a 3 part TV series, there won't be a sequel so we'll never know what happened.

 

Unless they make a new series.

 

Which they are doing, hence my comment that they'll need to be damn good to get Homes and Watson out of this one without a bucket of cheese.

Apparently writing will start after the next series of Dr Who has been written.

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Devon? Pah! It's all right for some, you can go home. I actually live here.

 

Oh, new rant. Tourists, or as we call them; Grockles! I HATE them! They clog up the roads. They've got fat whiney kids. Some of them talk funny and they seem to think that shouting makes them easier to understand. They've got no idea as to what the countryside is about (NO, that cow hasn't got four willies!). Gawd, I'm glad when they go home.

 

 

Funny that, I was moaning about tourists the whole time I was there too.

 

I don't (and in fact can't) have kids.

I've never accidentally, or through ignorance held anyone up on the road.

Despite the fact that that was only the second time I have been to the south west most people around here think that is where I'm from. Stupid accent.

I love the outdoors, the wife and I did the 3 mile trail at the waterfall at Lydford, the ticket dude said three hours, it took us 55 minutes.

 

So although I am in fact a Grockle (good word) I am just as irritated by them as you.

 

I was traversing Dartmoor in my car, using B roads to avoid people, and I came round a corner to find a 40 foot motor home that had become stuck on a corner that was too tight for it.

I could have helped but instead I reversed about half a mile to find a spot wide enough to turn round and then went another way.

Prat put 12 or 13 miles on my journey because he can't read a map.

 

 

dunno. Don't think they let you drink tea when you're dead.

 

So, a guy dies, he's been bad and he goes to hell.

The Devil meets him and gives him the tour, he says "you've been bad but not too bad so you have a choice of three eternities, I will show you all of them and then you choose".

The man is in no place to quibble so he just nods.

The first room the Devil shows him contains many souls all standing on their heads on nails and broken glass, blood pouring from them.

The man shudders.

The second room contains many souls all standing on their heads on red hot stones, the smell of burning flesh fills the room.

The man is sick a little.

The third room contains many souls all standing around in knee deep diarrhoea drinking cups of tea and eating biscuits that are being passed around on a little plate by a Daemon.

 

The man is shocked by the smell but says: "I suppose you get used to the smell", "yes", "and at least you get a cup of tea", "yes".

"OK, I'll do the poo room"

 

"Very well, so be it."

 

The Devil leaves and the man gets himself a cup of tea.

A few minutes later the Daemon puts the plate away and says:

 

"Tea break over you lot, back on your heads"

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Funny that, I was moaning about tourists the whole time I was there too.

 

I don't (and in fact can't) have kids.

I've never accidentally, or through ignorance held anyone up on the road.

Despite the fact that that was only the second time I have been to the south west most people around here think that is where I'm from. Stupid accent.

I love the outdoors, the wife and I did the 3 mile trail at the waterfall at Lydford, the ticket dude said three hours, it took us 55 minutes.

 

So although I am in fact a Grockle (good word) I am just as irritated by them as you.

 

I was traversing Dartmoor in my car, using B roads to avoid people, and I came round a corner to find a 40 foot motor home that had become stuck on a corner that was too tight for it.

I could have helped but instead I reversed about half a mile to find a spot wide enough to turn round and then went another way.

Prat put 12 or 13 miles on my journey because he can't read a map.

 

Chances are he was using a s(h)atnav and didnt review his route before he set off. God DAMN I hate those things!

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Probably. Also probably not used to driving such a vehicle and too stupid to realise it wouldn't go around that turn before trying it.

 

How do you get it stuck, anyway? If it won't go around the bend, surely you could just reverse back and go another way? :unsure:

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He had gone round the corner fast enough to beach the right side of the thing on berm on the inside of the corner.

 

Also, sure you get a tea break in hell.

15 minutes every 1,000 years and you have to listen to the Shatner cover of Lucy in The Sky With Diamonds during it.

 

Also, it is powdered army tea and none of the biscuits are chocolate (unless you are diabetic, in which case - they all are).

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The tough stuff what gets brought in.

What gets stained on.

Even baked on.

 

 

Gah!

Retards.

 

If you see the advert now it has a new voice over and they have reformatted the sentences so they say the same thing but in a way that doesn't sound retarded.

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Ankles.

 

Specifically: mine. I've had bad ones ever since I started thai-boxing. Even though we wear ankle supports, every so often I'll go over on one due to an especially slippy mat or a sloppy stance on my part.

 

At F&O Bolton this morning, I was in game for about 45 mins when I was walking to the regen point with another lad, and slipped on a pile of logs. Cue an awful 'pop' noise, a ceasefire, and me clutching my right ankle and screaming my face off. My first thought was that I'd snapped my achilles, but after a cursory wiggle of the toes, surmised that it was more than likely a sprain.

 

Got carried out of the woods and driven back to the safe zone by Daz and another marshal, I forget his name. Note to self: if we're at the pub after the next game I owe you both a pint.

 

I'm more concerned about being able to complete my gold Duke of Edinburgh hike - it's this Thursday-Sunday, and we're going over Scafell. Fingers crossed!

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I'm with you on that one mate, I had an avulsion of my right calcaneofibular ligament a while ago and it was pretty sore.

 

If you have twisted it badly you might not be able to complete the D of E, I hope you do though.

 

I twisted my ankle on my stag do and managed to do a post round without taking any time off, you might be OK.

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