My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

[Baddbaz]

Not to far or you might miss the January sales!!! Lol!!!

[hwagan]

People who steal stuff from office fridges. The worst kind of people known to man.

 

This morning, there I was, on my way into work. Stopped off in Tesco's, and I bought some nice ham, and some nice rolls. Safe in the knowledge I had a mostly full jar of Colman's English Mustard in the fridge to give my lunch a bit of a kick, I felt no need to buy additional condiments. This morning, when I get into the office and go to put my ham in the fridge, what do I discover? SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY *fruitcage* MUSTARD.

 

IT'S NOT JUST A JAR OF MUSTARD. IT'S A VITAL INGREDIENT IN MAKING MY LUNCH TASTY, INSTEAD OF BORING. I CAN'T AFFORD MORE MUSTARD BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE £13 TO LAST ME UNTIL PAYDAY ON THURSDAY.

 

I mean seriously, if somebody had used a bit of it, fine, I can live with that. But stealing the whole *fruitcage* jar!? WHAT KIND OF SUBHUMAN *fruitcage* WASTE OF A LIFE *Ubar* EVEN DOES THAT? Whoever it was I hope they *fruitcage* die in a fire. A raging, massive fire, that turns the mustard they stole from me into mustard gas and causes them to die an agonising, firey, mustard gas infused death.

 

People who steal from office fridges need to be *fruitcage* ripped to shreds by angry wolves, saved by a team of paramedics, and then drowned in *fruitcage* mercury. *Ubarflock*. *fruitcage* *Ubarflock*.

[shmook]

Someone did you a favour.

 

Mustard is disgusting!

[Wild_XIII]

I agree, mustard is just nasty! However, I do hope that the villainous fiends meet their end at the claws of a polar bear.

 

Tomorrow I have to go on a customer training course, simply because the company loves wasting money on pointless courses! Also all the spots at the closer venue are taken up so I have to do a 100 mile round trip to get there and back, this leaves me no petrol to get to work for the rest of the week! I am skint and going to have to scrounge money just so I can get to work.

 

Also, the woman who sent me the reminder email ended it with "I trust you'll enjoy the day". Yea, I'll enjoy it, if the course was being run by bikini clad chicks with trays of bacon and beer! *continues grumbling to self*

[FireKnife]

Christmas.

 

Go Hong Kong. That way you can have Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year and lots and lots of gun buying, I am sure you could make enough excuses for 'presents for self'

 

People who steal stuff from office fridges. The worst kind of people known to man.

 

I didn't know people could still be so pikey, even in a place of work where they must be on a good wage or have a shop nearby. Next time just set it up so that it breaks on them or something happens, booby trapping isn't illegal as it is a deterrent to stealing your item and they only do it once .

 

As for mine, well it is ScotRail. I hate them so, so much. First I had to have my debit card changed after buying tickets from Aberdeen to Inverness and then back again. Went to the FGW info kiosk at Aberdeen, told them what happened, gave them my reference number and ID and they printed them out. On the way back from Inverness went to the ScotRail desk, explained the same thing. Get told that I can't have them printed off, they don't have a number for me to phone and I will have to buy a new ticket at £27.50 (paid £8.20 for the original ticket). Thankfully managed to phone up the FGW helpdesk from a number I got at the station and they fixed it no issue.

 

Now here is my biggest bug bear. When I bought my Bristol to Reading tickets for the game on the 9th I just printed them off at work, no issue, took no faffing and no time out of my day. So why couldn't I do that up here? ScotRail don't agree with it, yet they don't have access barriers which they do at Bristol and Reading which you have to ask to be let through, so they take no effort in making it easier then have a go at you when you can't use the antiquated system they have? No wonder all the workers are going on strike, I would if I had to listen to the rubbish they came out with.

 

'FireKnife'

[amateurstuntman]

I think you may have missed the point.

 

I *fruitcage* hate christmas. I don't want anything to do with it.

 

One day my father-in-law will die and I will take the money, buy a boat and spend December in the North Atlantic with the radio switched off.

 

Next year I am considering staying at my friend's but and ben in Rannoch moor, anybody who mentions xmas get buried in the hills.

 

 

As for food thieves there are a few simple steps you can take to prevent the theft.

 

1. Put blue food dye in the mustard, it will go green. For some reason people don't like that?

2. Decant your milk into a baby bottle, put "breast milk" on a sticker, most people won't touch that.

3. Chemical warfare, in our office one guy kept stealing milk so the milk's owner wrote on the bottle "Paddy, I ###### in this".

Paddy noticed the guy kept using it though so he surmised that there was no urine and kept stealing it. The guy then ###### in the milk, waited until Paddy had a brew, then told him.

 

Beyond that there is a load of stuff you can do that is probably illegal, LSD in the food then report the individual for taking drugs at work, botulism toxin, ricin, AIDS, Smallpox, I don't think any of that is going too far.

 

Or you could try this:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Safe-in-the-fridge-/321042335350?pt=UK_Storage&hash=item4abf9d4676

 

With a big *fruitcage* you sticker on the front.

You'd have to permanently attach it to the fridge though, if I saw that I'd just steal the whole thing for comedy value.

[FireKnife]

I think you may have missed the point.

 

I *fruitcage* hate christmas. I don't want anything to do with it.

 

One day my father-in-law will die and I will take the money, buy a boat and spend December in the North Atlantic with the radio switched off.

 

Next year I am considering staying at my friend's but and ben in Rannoch moor, anybody who mentions xmas get buried in the hills.

 

You missed the 'wink' then . I was joking. I spent the transition period between those three holidays in HK, it was so weird to see a building one week populated by a Santa, then a raft of fireworks then a great big Chinese dragon .

 

As for Xmas, as I said to you on the 9th Dec game I agree. You end up buying a present for someone that they would normally buy for themselves if they had spare cash and they buy one for you that you would normally buy if you had spare cash, but as it is that season you don't have the spare cash and you really only get a few presents that you could have got cheaper in the sales and possibly a waist size bigger. To me it is a spending spree knock off of a pointless religious holiday that is taken from an old Pagan ritual that had little to do with it at all. I think I should make up my own holiday, call it 'Day Off' and you do nothing, turn off all connection to work, invite friends round, eat well, chat about life and hold it on the longest day in the Julian Calender, not the *fruitcage*-ing shortest.

 

As for food stealing in the fridge. Put a Claymore behind it with the string attached to the food item, they pull and pop, off it goes in their face. Failing that a training grenade, it goes off, everyone comes running and sees a deafened bloke with a stolen food item in hand, everyone laughs at him, he soils himself, ends up on the discipline chart and everyone steers clear of him at work, all he deserves.

 

'FireKnife'

[mimesis]

The Romans had the right idea:

 

Saturnalia was an ancient Roman festival in honour of the deity Saturn held on December 17 of the Julian calendar and later expanded with festivities through December 23. The holiday was celebrated with a sacrifice at the Temple of Saturn in the Roman Forum and a public banquet, followed by private gift-giving, continual partying, and a carnival atmosphere that overturned Roman social norms: (from Wikipedia)

 

Now there's a way to mark the winter solstice.

[FireKnife]

I just prefer to not bother.

 

At least over here we can call it Christmas, how many places in the US now have to refer to it as 'happy holidays', so as not to offend non-Christians (someone else must see the irony here with the whole US Foreign Policy)?

 

In fact once I have sorted my own life I wont have Christmas, instead I will cook something on every 25th of December that has nothing to do with Christmas dinner, invite anyone who wants to join and we will do nothing related to the season, just enjoy each others company as we would do every other day of the year. It is like Valentine's Day, why do you need one day to tell someone that you love them, why not any other day?

 

As for my rant: GF is away until the 10th Jan. Looks like I am back on the 'adult gentlemans choice entertainment' again. Plus I am on my own for Hogmany (either that or I go out, see the poor show they call fireworks up here and then take some drunk girl back to mine).

 

'FireKnife'

[amateurstuntman]

Nope, Saturnalia isn't for me either.

 

Just to summarise, here is a list of things I do not like:

 

Decorating things

More than 2 days off work without a specific reason

Getting presents

Giving presents

People

Groups of people

People pretending to be happy

Drinking

People who are drinking

Group activities including but not limited to "fun"

Wasting money

Overeating

Crappy TV

Overtly emotional people

Overtly emotional situations

Feeling isolated due to my inability to cope with overtly emotional people and situations

Explaining why I don't like christmas

Religion

False piety and people being sanctimonious

Sundblom’s Santa

 

Not an exhaustive list but there is a certain correlation between seasonal increase in things that irritate me and xmas.

I think it is safe to assume that it is, in fact, a causation.

 

Humbug

[my_plague_666]

As for my rant: GF is away until the 10th Jan. Looks like I am back on the 'adult gentlemans choice entertainment' again. Plus I am on my own for Hogmany (either that or I go out, see the poor show they call fireworks up here and then take some drunk girl back to mine).

 

'FireKnife'

 

on a similar note my GF got the implant about 3 months ago and has been on the rag since. you know nothing of pain and torment sir... NOTHING! 

[FireKnife]

Implant?

 

Oh that implant, well if she is constantly that bad you do have other women out there .

 

Still mine is away for way too long, can't be bothered waiting for some stress release, especially with it being Christmas.

 

'FireKnife'

[shmook]

It's my day off, but I still had to do into work to drop something off due to poor planning on my boss' part.

 

And I have a long list of jobs to do instead of lounging around like a day off should be...

[FireKnife]

It's my day off, but I still had to do into work to drop something off due to poor planning on my boss' part.

 

And I have a long list of jobs to do instead of lounging around like a day off should be...

 

I am sure you will get them sorted quickly enough, then on to gun cleaning / stroking .

 

Top it off with some 'marriage consumation' and you are on to a winning day.

 

'FireKnife'

[Mike_West]

Damn it, I want those photos from Sunday. Even just the SFW ones.

[FireKnife]

Damn it, I want those photos from Sunday. Even just the SFW ones.

 

Then go get them?

 

'FireKnife'

[shmook]

I am sure you will get them sorted quickly enough, then on to gun cleaning / stroking .

 

Top it off with some 'marriage consumation' and you are on to a winning day.

 

'FireKnife'

Those are the plans for this evening.

 

Today has been buying floor stain/varnish, dropping off a chainsaw for repair, nipping to B&Q for some stuff, and now about to temporarily re-roof the garage until I can do it properly in the spring.

 

Also, walk dogs again, wash up and maybe cook tea!

[FireKnife]

Got to make time in the evening.

 

Mine when with the other half is usually watch a bad film, one of us cooks or we order out and then a little mutual fun to top the night off. I am sure many other couples do the same .

 

Though that is a standard evening, some nights I just go for it and see what I can come up with .

 

'FireKnife'

[shmook]

Yep, one of us cooks, we eat together, and usually watch a bit of tv before bed

[FireKnife]

Why is it that even in that benign sentence I can still see something to snigger at?

 

But then I find we rarely watch TV, mostly as nothing good is on that we like, but watch something online when we want.

 

'FireKnife'

[amateurstuntman]

I live quite happily in the 1950s.

 

I go out to work and bring home the money.

My wife cooks, cleans, does the dishes and laundry.  All that domestic stuff is covered by her.

She works a bit for something to do but it doesn't bring significant money in and we can do just fine without it.

 

Tonight she will pick me up from work at 5 and when I get home dinner will be ready.  I won't watch TV with her because she watches utter *suitcase*.

I will fiddle with guns, surf the web, play panguin attack or something then later after all her *suitcase* is finished we might watch an episode of Dexter from the Tivo, we've only just started watching it.

 

Seems pretty good.

 

Since this is the complaining thread I wish to complain about Heart FM.

 

The same *bramston pickle* 8 records all day, now sprinkled with Xmas *suitcase*.

I know they are only giving the people what they want but the people are idiots and want *suitcase*.

 

The worst thing is that the morons in my office put it on there deliberately.  It was on Absolute before.

I am going to change it back and superglue the knob in place.

 

*albatrosses*.

[FireKnife]

To be honest even the decent stations are just playing all Christmas stuff, how many times do I have to hear that one by Wizard .

 

But as for living in the 50's my missus likes to dress like it but is a very firm believer in modern womens rights, but not to that pushy, man-hating, going lesbian just to avoid us level that some do which is fine with me. It does mean though that if we do end up together (such optomism eh?) we wont be having kids for a long time (and personally I am glad if we don't at all, no offence Stunt and Mrs. Stunt) as both of us will be out doing day jobs, coming home, one cooks, one cleans, spend an evening watching the same stuff (we mostly do anyway), then I go sort out my guns, she learns about some new dead person and we are all happy.

 

Wow I can really make my own future sound boring can't I?

 

'FireKnife'

[AFV]

Guys who value women as objects.

 

When you see 16 year olds (and older) call their "Girlfriend" their "*badgeress*" i have an urge to come up behind them and just kick them right in the jacobs.....

[my_plague_666]

Implant?

 

Oh that implant, well if she is constantly that bad you do have other women out there .

 

Still mine is away for way too long, can't be bothered waiting for some stress release, especially with it being Christmas.

 

'FireKnife'

contraceptive implant. 2 years of not worrying about pills and babies! woo! problem is it can (for a while anyway) cause irregular/extended periods as i have unfortunately discovered. oddly enough it can also have the complete opposite effect, one of her friends got the implant about a year and a half ago and hasn't had a period since    no such luck here.

 

Guys who value women as objects.

 

When you see 16 year olds (and older) call their "Girlfriend" their "*badgeress*" i have an urge to come up behind them and just kick them right in the jacobs.....

yeah, i hate this. on a similar note i figured out why exactly i hate most rap music and rappers themselves. in essence, the typical rapper is an incredibly obnoxious toff. think about it, both have lots of money and like to let everyone know, they just go about it different ways. toffs do it subtly with snootyness and a sense of smug superiority, while rappers go "YEEEEEEEEEEEA BOIIII! CHECK OUT HOW MUCH DOLLA AND BITCHES I GOT YO!". everything they seem to do is centered around rubbing their wealth in your face. 

[scorch]

Yesterday's jalfrezi, coupled with the horrid loo roll at work.