My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

[shmook]

What about the... Lumps?

[Habakure]

Lovely.

 

That's my sex drive dropping down a few notches.

[Tw1tch]

And there was me thinking madbull rubbers were the dogs danglies.

 

Hmm. Well more research required it seems. Need to source a nub with the rubber as well.

[FireKnife]

FireKnife's used johnnies are probably better than Madbulls.

 

Pfft, you assume I am not sterile .

 

But yes anything with 'Madbull' on it is often cheaper for a reason I find. I mean they leant their name to Socom Gear pistols, Socom Gear.

 

'FireKnife'

[Habakure]

Sky F1, why can't you hire decent comentators? The ones you nicked from the bbc are fine, but the ones you hired (sans Johnny Herbert and Damon Hill) are blooming terrible. Also, Anthony Davidson should never be allowed near a microphone as he's the (unfortunate) owner of a very boring voice.

[Mike_West]

The Very Important System at work took a runny dump again. That's one thing. Internet connection itself crapped out for an hour, that's two. I still haven't received the parcel that was supposed to arrive next Monday at the latest. That and I'll have to fix the paintjob on my Nerf gun because despite my efforts paint got under the masking tape.

Oh, also, there's something either in the grey basecoat or the metallic paints I used, because they don't exactly want to work with one another.

[scorch]

Probably the metallics.

 

If a paint could ever be belligerent, it would be a metallic.

[Mike_West]

Probably the metallics.

 

If a paint could ever be belligerent, it would be a metallic.

I beg to differ, I dealt with chrome paint, and I don't really believe that anything else could be that awful.

[amateurstuntman]

Sky F1, why can't you hire decent comentators? The ones you nicked from the bbc are fine, but the ones you hired (sans Johnny Herbert and Damon Hill) are blooming terrible. Also, Anthony Davidson should never be allowed near a microphone as he's the (unfortunate) owner of a very boring voice.

 

 

Not just that but their Sky Go bandwidth allocation is ridiculous.

 

I have Sky Go and their usual options of low medium high or auto quality are overridden and auto is the only choice.

When that happens what "auto" means is "*fruitcage* *suitcase*".

 

It is (and I mean this literally) unwatchable.

 

That is a bloody travesty.

[Habakure]

Now, do I listen to the commentators during qualifying today, or, put 'The chain' on repeat (during the qualifying)? I honestly don't mind Martin doing the commentary (on sky F1), it's just the annoying voice of the other bloke who I can't bring myself to name (the old radio 5 live commentator).

[scorch]

So today I went to ikea. Huge mistake. First an enormous fat guy in the queue in the cafeteria decided he needed 3 bacon sandwiches, wiping out all of the bacon they had left so me or my gf didn't get a bacon sandwich.

 

Then I go to use the loo half way round the store, to find that a guy was sat on th bog, trousers down and cock in hand and hadn't locked the door.

 

Finally, after we'd paid for our small bits we go to the home delivery desk, turns out that you have to pick and pay for your stuff then they will deliver it next available slot and can't book it for a certain date so you need to have someone at home for potentially 3 days after you go to the store to wait for it. So we came home and ordered it online where we could pick the day. It's probably being delivered from the same sodding store.

[Baddbaz]

I use ikea all the time on a regular basis for my clients ( waltham stow and wembley and have never had a problem with selecting a day for delivery Instore . Which ikea did you use ?

[scorch]

Mk.

[Danke]

So today I went to ikea. Huge mistake. First an enormous fat guy in the queue in the cafeteria decided he needed 3 bacon sandwiches, wiping out all of the bacon they had left so me or my gf didn't get a bacon sandwich.

 

Then I go to use the loo half way round the store, to find that a guy was sat on th bog, trousers down and cock in hand and hadn't locked the door.

 

Finally, after we'd paid for our small bits we go to the home delivery desk, turns out that you have to pick and pay for your stuff then they will deliver it next available slot and can't book it for a certain date so you need to have someone at home for potentially 3 days after you go to the store to wait for it. So we came home and ordered it online where we could pick the day. It's probably being delivered from the same sodding store.

Was it bacon sandwich guy? Becuase I have a picture in my head.

[FireKnife]

Damn it, now I am in the mood for a bacon sandwich to go with my poncy coffee.

 

Sadly the bacon sandwiches come from one place and the poncy coffee from another

 

Stupid non-franchise places, why can't you all make good food in every range.

 

'FireKnife'

[amateurstuntman]

I'm about to have a can of RockStar Punch, some sweets and ice lollies and watch Jenson Button come from 3rd on the grid to win the British Grand Prix for the first time while wearing a "Pink for Poppa" helmet and then weep on the podium.

 

Or

 

I'm abut to be really disappointed.

 

Probably disappointed.

[Habakure]

Yeah, I'm going with disappointed. But it's early days (after the delay) and some engines might give up the chase, before the end of the race.

[amateurstuntman]

*sigh*

[scorch]

Golfers seem to be the stupidest people ever. Most of my daily conversations go like this:

 

Customer: "Hi, I have a problem with my electric golf trolley, can you help me find out what's wrong and get it fixed?"

Me: "Certainly sir, do you have the trolley with you at the moment?"

Customer: "Yes, I do"

Me: "OK, if you turn it on, roll the speed dial down to zero, then roll it slowly forwards, what exactly is happening? Do the digits on screen change?"

Customer: "Oh, I don't have it with me, its in the car"

 

Why the hell would you phone a technical department for help with a product, when you don't have the thing in front of you? Am I supposed to diagnose the fault using astral projection? If these numpties didn't waste our time like this, maybe we'd answer the phone a bit quicker.

[shmook]

Just tell them it's *fruitcage*ed and they have to buy a new one from you.

 

Negotiate a commission fee with your boss.

 

Profit.

[scorch]

Just tell them it's *fruitcage*ed and they have to buy a new one from you.

 

Negotiate a commission fee with your boss.

 

Profit.

 

Never gonna happen. My boss is tighter than the proverbial duck's back passage. 

[shmook]

So, only option is dealing with idiots then

[Mike_West]

Two-hour meeting about pretty much nothing.

Me having to chase down someone to explain them what is wrong with the comment they wanted submitted to Brussels, aside from EVERYTHING.

If I don't find the slip for my friend's birthday gift in the mail when I get home, I'm gonna throw a *suitcase*-fit. I mean, I can understand slow parcels from China or USA, but UK or Germany? BS.

[Gunmane]

Ah, electric golf trolleys.  Always fun to watch some twat roll up with one, to find that he has no clue how to work it and thus when he thinks it has stopped, it continues to roll onwards.

 

Sadly, none of them have ever ended up in the ponds, unlike the actual golf carts.

 

 

Folks found some black paint on the driver side of the car I use.  Don't recall having a black car anywhere near mine recently, but of course, the first thought by mother is that it happened when I went airsofting...

[scorch]

Ah, electric golf trolleys.  Always fun to watch some twat roll up with one, to find that he has no clue how to work it and thus when he thinks it has stopped, it continues to roll onwards.

 

Sadly, none of them have ever ended up in the ponds, unlike the actual golf carts.

 

Yup, We've had them sent back in here before for warranty repair, to find the control box and motor with water actually inside them.

 

And when you tell them that accidental damage or customer misuse isn't covered by warranty it's "Of course it hasn't been in the lake, I'm insulted you'd suggest such a thing!"

 

 

Plus, there's the over entitled types that don't look after the battery, it craps out on them halfway round and they have to push it so they call up demanding that they be compensated for the embarrassment they've suffered having to push it.