My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

[shmook]

Hedge, I feel for you.

 

While probably at a lesser extent, we are going through a hospital cover up with similar-sounding notes going missing/amended with different hand-writing, sister in law who was a midwife jacking her post in as she was forced out after not covering it up, and blatant refusal to cooperate with the court from the trust.

 

All because someone *fruitcage*ed up and nearly killed my wife and son during childbirth.

 

And also several other women during childbirth over the summer/autumn 2013.

 

I want heads for this, and will chase them down for as long as it takes.

[Bovinedog]

This time last year the NHS stopped me from dying, so I'm mostly positive about them. The other patients when I was on the respiratory ward is another story. Foreign business man to my left treating it like a hotel. Vile man, treated nurses soon badly. Had his girlfriend/slave come I whenever he felt like. Soon learned to go in the shared bathroom after I had been cleaned and before he used it... Guy to my right was an overdose I believe and woke me up at 2am with something blaring out of his iPhone (never worked out what it was, May have been audio book of religious text.) old guy opposite who had obviously been told he wasn't getting out (family kept coming and crying around him until he told them all to go). Was glad to get out of there and back home. Poor wife had to get kids to school, visit me and then go back to pick them up and feed etc. I think these things are often harder on the partner who isn't in hospital. I just had to lay in bed, eat chilli and trifles

 

 

Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

[Hedganian]

Don't give up, Shmook - hope you get justice.

 

If the doctor had even had the balls to apologise and say he'd made an honest mistake, it wouldn't be so bad - human error is the price of employing humans - but it's the way it's all swept under the rug and they act like it never happened.

 

Wifey hasn't been the same since - last two years have been pants, barely out of the house whereas the two years before that were pretty good, she was losing weight, being active, going swimming and to the gym 3 or more times a week, could walk like 5 miles on level ground... Now she can barely walk to the bathroom...

 

Someone's mistakes ruins lives and they don't even acknowledge it, much less do anything to make up for it (as if that's possible) and the worst part is that since no one did anything to address the issue, the same thing could happen to someone else...

[paranoiddroid]

The way they never put their hands up or they dribble out platitudes is infuriating.

 

Hedge I'm glad I helped a little if you take nothing from what I say on here please take this. I have screaming panic attack nightmares about one thing IDK if your wife has the same insecurities, part of me suspects she may do. I'm so scared that one day, when I'm laid in bed with the boy or I text him when he's not with me to tease him, tell him that I need him, that he will respond asking about pain, about medication, about whether I'm feeling sick/being sick, dizzy, panic attack, collapse et al. So scared that he will list all the things wrong with me all the things that I need help with and never even think that it's as simple as desire, that I want....

 

I'm absolutely terrified that one day il lose him to the disability, that... He'll stop seeing me the c/d cup mucky blond/brunette with a dirty mind and horrible sense of humour and he'll just see the really sick girl he takes care of. That.... He will stop thinking of me as a... You know. That it will be carer first because I'm scared that when it gets to carer first eventually thinking Lover will stop.

 

I have screaming nightmare panic attack a about that phoning him and just sobbing down the phone because I'm so scared that il lose him and theirs nothing I can do to stop it because I just keep getting worse.

 

It's so hard to get the NHS system to actually admit when they ruin lives. The response seems to be to lie, to cheat, to rewrite notes to make sure they aren't at full because they don't want to admit their liable for ANYTHING. I before my last operation cycle I was sprinting as a junior athlete in my classification, I won at the DSE nationals, I represented my county and competed at a home nations event... I had a British record, could sprint 100m in 14.4 seconds and now, 100m requires me to push physically and ... On a good day il be sweating and shaking on a bad day il get so hot I puke.

 

What terrifies me is the guy that basically crippled me by ignoring roughly 3 years of reports of issues is still prefixing and is now a consultant. Nothing's been done, nothing's actually followed him.

 

I was 14 when it was done I reported pain stiffness and loss of up down movement (I knew I'd lose side to side movement and rotation as a trade off for the strength and control increase when I had the op which never happened the control boost I mean)

 

I reported it every appointment for three years until a different House officer ordered a routine x-Ray in prep for discharging me and interpreted it (the same sort of x ray the previous guy had been given every 6monthly appointment) he panicked and 15 weeks later I had the metalwork removed from my ankle as it turned out the staple securing the bone fusion was crushing the main nerve in my foot which *fruitcage*ed up my exams (op was after my first two a level English exams of summer of a2 two days off then next set so when I *fruitcage*ed up my results I didn't get the course I wanted but I went to YSJ which was an amazing experience so that's not a bad trade off)

 

Because of his dismissal of my issue as nothing serious I had to have 2 more ops, that second op correcting The damage. This meant my walking has now got really poor, the damage to my knee and back from three years of trying to compensate for the damage/lack of pain stimulus meant once I'd recovered from the op and started walking my painkiller use went from tramadol 30mg twice daily - 160mg per day of OxyContin in the space of about 6 months during my masters second term and combined with an abusive housemate I had a breakdown.

 

None of that stress or pain or damage has ever had someone put their hands up and admit to being the cause of.

 

I.... Iv had my life ruined, I'm 27 at the end of September and Iv not worked since I was 17, I dropped out of a PGCE because I'm not physically well enough to manage that sort of course/workload. I don't think il ever be able to work full time. Iv destroyed my body pushing to be good enough to run with the able bodied at school because Iv always wanted to be seen as me first not the disability first. Iv not took any of the easy positive discrimination legups and its causes me more drama because of it I got thrown out of a job interview because I didn't declare it beforehand was told to my face they wouldn't have taken it forward to interview if they'd have known.

 

I'm painkiller dependant, in agony, have lost so much of my ability compared to me ten years ago and no one is willing to admit anything they just defend deny and dodge I look back and just want to cry

 

Ten years ago I was competing for the county and setting records as a track and field athlete, I swam for my county at annother disability comp every year hell I got roped into a triathlon the year I turned 19. (Team event one Male one Female one Junior, 1k swim 3k bike 5k rowing machine) I didn't know anything about till I got to the event (I only expected to be doing freestyle swimming, swim relay and weightlifting (bench press) oh and the wheelchair relay which is just a ridiculous event) I smoked 30 a day at the time and still managed to win my class and set the top overall swim time

 

12 years ago I was captaining the ambulant disabled basketball team and vice captain/B team captain of the chair team, I'd play 3 20m games with each team, half court size games back to back as well as subbing for the B team (ambulant) and the A chair team. It wasn't uncommon for me to play 8 matches back to back where I was sprinting the half court back after scoring to defend faster than anyone else on court. It got nicknamed the 'ironman' after the first time I did it accidently coz I was stupid enough to agree when the coach asked me to play for the chair and ambulant team

 

. I got BANNED from dunking (lower nets about 8.5 - 9 foot tall) in one tournament because the local special school (my schools 'rivals' ) complained after in a mixed game I dunked whilst jumping over one of their students chairs. Their captain got pissy because he's ordered his chair players to try and 'clip me' coz of you make contact with the chair it's a foul on the chair player was the rule set used. He wanted to see me hurt and taken out of the game. Had to jump over one chair as annother came towards me trying to pin me between the two.

 

I look at me now and... Iv lost so much now 50m walking leaves me hurting so badly. I couldn't even manage a single 20m game now let alone sprint back to defend after a basket every time then take annother game.

 

 

No one holds their hands up and admits anything and I can't claim For damages the way I should because I have to articulate quality of life drop and by their metrics my quality of life hasn't dropped in a meaningful way because I'm still ambulant enough to look after myself alone, I'm not a permenant wheelchair user (in that I can transfer in and out without help)

 

I lost a chance at my dream job because... When the phone interview came the brand of painkiller I'd been given for that months scrip was different, the side affects were different and... I couldn't strong words together coherently quickly enough to make a decent impression.

 

It was my dream job, working for the government to do something that will make a difference, the nearest thing to going into the forces that I could ever do so I didn't feel like I was letting the family down, a graduate training roll that would have given me 30k+ per year in central London and a guaranteed job at the end of the training if I passed and stuff.

 

I *fruitcage*ed up the phone interview after 3 months of application, online testing, BG and credit check. But I can't prove that the problems the damage the poor care till this point losT me that chance so it doesn't count for anything.

 

I'm working on taking the NHS to tribunal I want them to admit they screwed up to admit fault I don't really care about compensation anymore I just want them to admit they ruined my life. That they took someone who was bright, funny, intelligent (well well read and it passes for intelligent if you squint hard enough) able to fake confidence and driven and broke her. Left me constantly exhausted, worn down with the pain, scared, weak and panicky.

 

I want them to admit that it wasn't my fault.. That this isn't my full for not working hard enough in recovery like my mothers mother whispers when she thinks I can't hear, I want them to admit it wasn't me who failed, wasn't me who turned out to be useless or not strong enough.

 

I want them to offer me a solution, not just send me to referral after referral where I have to repeat myself over and over or suggest the same things that have already been tried and not worked because they haven't read the notes.

 

I want someone in the system to treat me

Like I'm human make me feel that I'm respected and that my opinions, my voice matters rather than talking down to me hiding behind medical terminology to keep me in the 'yes doctor' mindset where I just sign whatever papers they put in front of me no questions asked just accepting they know best and not listening to me and deciding for me.

 

I miss the specialist I had when I was under paediatric care. When I was 14 , he came to see me on the Sunday after the op, (op was Friday) because he'd been phoned to tell him I'd come round and was coherent and awake (because I tend to sit up and do the body check in recovery rather than coming round slowly the recovery staff tend to panic and flood me full of sedatives fearing il get up or rip tubes out)

 

A senior consultant who was considered one of the best in the country in his specialism, a man whose waiting list was about 3 years long if you didn't count the stuff he did for the national centre for excellence. Who worked 70-90 hours a week for the NHS. Drove to the hospital to see one patient at 930 on a Sunday moming to talk to me to see how I was, not talking about the operation to poke and prod or view x-Ray's but to just talk to me bout how I felt in terms of being on a kids ward as a teenager and just to make sure I was ok. He would only operate on paediatric cases

With the one team he trusted so I saw the same anaesthesia staff every time, the same nursing staff, so it made each operation much less stressful. He would talk to me directly not my parents from about 13 onwards and spent as long as I needed to discuss options.

 

I remember one year when I saw a house offer before seeing him as per usual the house officer pushed an operation very heavily, to the point he used words like when and must talking bout it, when I opened up to the consultant about what had happened he went and tracked the guy down and took him apart in front of me for his lack of respect for patients, for treating us like automata who will obey them without question. The man really cared and we need more like that in the system.

 

Dunno if any of this long winded ramble helped but... I'm scared of getting worse scared of the meds scared of the pain and angry because i feel I was lied to, I was promised it wouldn't get worse and my disability wouldn't be the only thing/the first thing people saw.

[Hedganian]

Have you got an assistance dog? Look into getting one. We're on the list for one, they're amazing and great for the mood too.

 

I defy anyone to be sad when they've got a dog - they know when you're sad and will come and do whatever they can to make you feel better. Plus, by giving you something to take care off they help lift your mood by giving you a reason to get up and go for a walk, etc.

 

When we were visiting my brother in law and his girlfriend who just had a baby, Wifey got upset about something and started to cry and their little tiny Chihuahua jumped up on the sofa, climbed onto her shoulder and licked the tears off her face - she was laughing in under a minute. The tiny dog gained nothing by doing it apart from a bit of fuss (which she was getting anyway) - she did it out of empathy and love. It doesn't get any better than that.

 

Most dogs are better people than most people.

[Tw1tch]

Most dogs are better people than most people.

This so much. Love dogs, people not so much.

 

One of the reasons I really want to end up working with dogs, the dogs I want to train aren't as friendly though.

[Hedganian]

Oh, they are - army and police dogs are just as friendly as other dogs - as long as you're on their side...

[Tw1tch]

I've been watching a lot of videos of mil/police dogs recently and they're pretty damn amazing, I had no idea they were that agile and how much force one running full pelt can impart on someone.

[Skarclaw]

youtube "police kill dog" and try not to rage 

[Tw1tch]

Yeah that's pretty horrifying.

 

Fortunately UK officers with firearms are rare and they'll probably get a dog handler in to deal with it before an armed officer responds.

[hitmanNo2]

What software do you use?  It seems good.  I could do with some decent stuff.  Then I could fire my PA.  Only joking.  I wish I had a PA heh.

 

 

And ranting is easy now I have voice to text I can pace and rant at my computer and I get it typed out nice and neat which is helpful although getting used to speaking punctuation takes a while to get your head round. It's like reading telegrams.

[Hedganian]

On PC, it's probably Dragon Dictate. Wifey got that from the Disabled Student people, but doesn't use it much - which is shameful to be honest considering how expensive it is...

[Tinkerton]

Don't want to quote that dissertation Droid, but bloody hell.

 

Have you told your fella any of how you're feeling? Cause of not then you need to, even the stupid (to you) stuff. Communication (or lack thereof) is the biggest issue in relationships these days.

 

Also service dog sounds a good idea, definitely worth looking into. Worst they can do is say no, right?

 

Also when you're next in hospital let us know and I'll do my best to find the most comically large card ever (I'm envisioning big enough to be used as a tent) and get it sent over to make you laugh.

 

Hedg, same to you. Would mrs hedge appreciate a giant card/ flowers from people her husband vaguely knows from the interwebs?

[Hedganian]

Heh, probably not - they're not allowed flowers on the chest wards anyway - too many pollen allergies and stuff I think.

 

She gets tonnes of cards and stuff from her crafting pages in Facebook as it is...

 

Feel free to check it out if you like:

 

https://www.facebook.com/littlebearsbuttons/

[hitmanNo2]

On PC, it's probably Dragon Dictate. Wifey got that from the Disabled Student people, but doesn't use it much - which is shameful to be honest considering how expensive it is...

Yeah, I wondered if it was that.  I seem to recall using it years ago and it was a bit hit and miss.  I imagine it has improved vastly over the years.

[Hedganian]

Yeah, it's pretty good now once you spend a while training it (and yourself) to get the best out of it

[amateurstuntman]

Most dogs are better people than most people.

 

 

And if they aren't it's usually a person's fault.

 

Dogs are amazing.

 

We'll know on Monday if the IVF has worked and if it has not, dog.

 

If it has, also dog.  Just later.

[Hedganian]

Good luck on that one.

 

Although I'd suggest getting the dog first so it's already house trained (at least) before a baby comes into the picture - having to clean up after one tiny poop machine at a time is more than enough.

[shmook]

DO NOT DELAY IN BUYING A DOGGY!

 

GO AND GET ONE. NOW!

 

We have 2. They are idiots. They sometimes smell. They poo loads and bark and get in the bin and have chewed things.

 

But they are my best friends and I love them.

[amateurstuntman]

I imagine that one of us will be in charge of dog poo (me) and one of us baby poo (her).

 

We can' make any decisions now though.

Too much garbage going on.

[Hedganian]

 

 

I imagine that one of us will be in charge of dog poo (me) and one of us baby poo (her).

Yeah, you imagine not dealing with baby poo all you like, buddy... If you've not still got a working S10, buy one!

[amateurstuntman]

Never been sick from a smell, I've had *suitcase* splattered all over my face before.

I am all good.

 

However.

 

This was her idea.  She is doing the crappy jobs.
It is already agreed, in writing.

[Hedganian]

That seems like it won't last.

 

Plus, babies are on a whole different level of disgusting...

[amateurstuntman]

Yeah, we'll see.

Moot point at the moment.

[Tinkerton]

Found a song that sums up my corrado ATM: