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Well, it's nearly Christmas! A time to laugh and joke, to sing and... who am I trying to kid? I hate this time of year, it always makes me irritable and angry. And that tends to spill into other areas

ahhh.... that reminds me...   The losers who say that I'm wasting my money on airsoft... you spend $4000 on an ATV... and you accuse me of wasting money??

Wow, you've chosen to play today's edition of 'Wheel of Fortune!'   Let's see what you've won!   CONGRATULATIONS! For using homophobic language (because I'm sure as *suitcase* you're not calling m

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The last two months have mostly been brought to me by the dizziness, vomiting, sleep deprevation/oversleeping and *fruitcage*wit doctors.


ERN hi.


Medication changes where the doc doesn't listen changes things they shunts you off to someone else so you can't speak to them about changing things because its hell are .


I'm currently depressed about the state of the world... People Burning the MLK building down ina protest demanding a minority not have the right to speak and engage in political discussion.


Big influential universities teaching students that it is completely fine to respond to an 'offensive' opinion with violence to silence them and that does not at all mean that you are intolerant.


'Anti fascist' groups demanding people be silenced by force and threatening harm to people who have a different political opinion to them and telling the world that 'if you have a view we disagree with we will come kick *fruitcage* out of you because you're a Nazi' is apparently tolerant but me stating I disagree with the idea that someone like me who is LGBT and disabled should get a discriminatory boost when applying for work or government contracts and that hiring someone should be about competence and ability and diversity shouldnt matter is intolerance and hate speech.


In the last 2 months iv been called a 'house cripple' 'house *racial slur' 'Aunt Tonya' and a traitor to the community (LGTB in this case) because the majority of my political viewpoints don't fit with the image people have of the LGTBQ and because I dared to voice that in a discussion I was threatened and abused because apparently my sexual identity and physical health dictate my politics and i need to be 'brought back into line'


I also had the worlds shittest Jamaican takeout meal the other night and I'm still *fruitcage*ed off about it. They didn't have the drink i ordered called and swapped it, fine no problem, they didn't have the coco bread the guy rushed me and didn't actually mention that on the phone but i got extra fried dumplings. Again... If id been told that would have been fine they forgot my festival (cornbread frotter basically) and got pissy with me when i raised that in a call double checking stuff. The rice&peas the rice was overcooked and soggy the saltfosh and ackee... Spicing was poor at best, sauce was thin even by that dishes standards and it felt thinner because of the amount of oil they used (fixed that when i did a leftover meal the next day but.. Not the point) the dumplings came wrapped in foil... Meaning you loose that crispiness' and texture and get something more doughy (still nice and honestly better with the way they do their saltfish but advertise fried dumplings I want that classic texture and taste) honestly it wasn't dire but... Because of where iv lived in the UK over the years iv had much better and I'm annoyed because there's an amazing place 20m walk (for me for most it would be 5-8) that does collection. But the last complaint... Is so henious and offensive its Friday night/sat morning i had ordered this meal on Tuesday evening and i am STILL FUMING about it.


So... They advsrtise based on traditional home cooked style food all the reviews say its cooked on site and fresh prepped on the day right. So i ordered two of the Jamaican patty's so i could have them for lunch/evening the next day when i go play Mtg/go to the regular roleplaying session (Vampire the masquerade if anyones interested) they were 1.50 each which isn't bad for this kind of thing tesco do a microwavable/oven cooked one at the express near me for 75p coz of living somewhere with a Caribbean community nearby. So 1.50 for a fresh made one sounded fair. When they turned up they were red hot wrapped in foil like a HYGE ball and i was like... Awesome and unwrapped them, the heat felt fresh out of the oven. I unwrapped them and... They were a pair of patty's, the oven cook/microwave ready food brand sold by the big Caribbean foods market in the city centre and the cheeky *Ubarflock* had just microwaves the patties and wrapped them in foil straight out of the microwave STILL IN TJE *fruitcage* PLASTIC WRAPPER! so they were soggy and that weird pastry microwaved texture because of condensation against the plastic wrapper whilst wrapped in the foil.


Am i in the wrong for being really *fruitcage*ed off with that and plastering it across the review?


I do think in general that if you are going to insult someone swearing shows a certain lack of creativity. My personal favourites are usually insults sleeved in queries such as


'*insert name* do your knuckles hurt when you walk?'


'I've always wanted to know this, hope you don't mind if i ask a personal question, if your parents get divorced will they still be brother and sister?'


The others i tend to use are fairly obscure references or jabs. 'You know... You're an amazing ad campaign for durex' or this one which requires maths i have presented it as an example for a 23yr old tard i dealt with at uni 'if your parents haven't considered a 92nd trimester abortion they really should do'


And of course the old classic '15 thousand sperm and yours was the fastest....'

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Airsoft games both today and tomorrow and I can go to neither.  Muscles all spammy from work out yesterday and spending 3 hours fruitlessly digging out dandelions in 4 yards that have to be mowed tomorrow due to the grounds still being muddy.  Monday mother has foot surgery that I must drive her to and attend hoping the quacks don't *fruitcage* up her body even more, followed by evening visit to the UPS facility to get some answers as to whether or not they are actually hiring.


Also finding myself in depression funks more often.

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I can feel that. Over the past months I've realised I have depression and started seeking treatment and it seams the whole system is overwhelmed (having to wait over a month just for a telephone interview to see if they can offer counciling). Also I got the impression some who are supposed to "help" are only willing to follow what they think is best and not work with the patent

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Well, that's just great...


I guess it varies with your local PCT, because no one remembers what *National* means anymore.

Pretty much, yes.


My other half works with the adult care team at the council. There are some border areas where a family member just down the road can receive far superior service just by being on the other side of an arbitrary line in the sand.

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I can feel that. Over the past months I've realised I have depression and started seeking treatment and it seams the whole system is overwhelmed (having to wait over a month just for a telephone interview to see if they can offer counciling). Also I got the impression some who are supposed to "help" are only willing to follow what they think is best and not work with the patent


Possibly not the place.... But you know you have brothers around you who you can talk to anytime, right?


I'm always here if you need to get stuff off your chest bro. Although not a substitute for professional help, it's better than suffering alone mate.

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I'm not just talking about the nhs side of it although that's part of it.


I'm talking about the DWP side of things the benefits system the whole thing really. I got into a hell of a *suitcasey* time because the forms i posted weren't received nd just using the freepost envelope is no guarantee of postage.


Despite them having what 25 years of evidence and multiple benefits reviews in the DLA side of things and about 7 years of the Incapacity benefit/ESA stuff every time my benefits change (the shift from IB to ESA and this latest DLA-PIP change) they can't use any of the stuff they already have to make their decision so each time they start from scratch with a stupidly complicated form with really stupidly worded questions where you don't get enough space to explain anything.


I posted their poxy for off in October, I was told that id get dla to one month after the decision was made. They didn't receive the form so in November despite my lifetime DLA award and years of data they decide I can't have PIP and I'm given 4 days notice my dla is being cut off. So i phone then get attitude and the run around im told the new forn will arrive ithon 15 working days and get told to post that in requesting a review of the decision and i get a snotty attitude that i should have sent it recorded post. I explained that to do that requires two busses and 20minites of walking through the town center so its not easy to do at all vs a post box and i get told that the money will be backdated at DWP discretion of I qualify on review. When i point out that isn't nassively helpful and ask how they manage if they were told their wages were being cut in half for review and will potentially be backdated i got a lecture that its not the same thing at all and DLA isn't counted as minimum income to live so its not something they have to consider. Coz apparently you can live and pay rent on ESA/JSA....


So i got the forms filled them in sent them off recorded. They were received on the 13th December i confirmed that with then was told 6-8 weeks for a decision then another 4-8weeks for an assessment. So i keep phoning the system tells you if your within the time period to wait for a letter. In march i phone through to another office coz iv heard nothing turns out that my claim got tagged as 'Inactive' (do nothing with it) despite the review request. So its march I'm in my overdraft constantly using my credit cars to buy food and manage day to day making minimum payments. Just get paid pay off my of go straight back in.


There's a question about whether i have to start again with a new claim I give the dates and details get belittled on the phone and not really listened too explaining that yes i did send the paperwork in, yes i did follow policy. Get told I'm lying when i quote back what i was told about time frames for posting forms out to me and belittled when i question why they can't just use the proofs they already have from my lifetime DLA award.


End up getting off the phone with the DWP bastards and cry, phone my dad and then on his suggestion phone my MP. at the same time all this is going off my HB is suspended because of an office screw up so i had to find £350 quid to pay my rent in January and wait for a back payment once that got sorted.


The MP', head case worker was lovely openly admitted that i wasn't the only one going through this or the only story he'd heard and the MP wasn't happy and was documenting this we had a chat about the gov stuff and how as a opposition back bencher there wasn't that much he could do other than document this and mention it in parliament. I openly admitted to him that i couldn't cope that it felt like the system was set up so you either stop trying or die and either way that solves their problem because you aren't an active case for their targets.


I start getting calls back and funnily soon as the MP sent a little love note that they were watching things started happening. I got a decision in days and they admitted that they *fruitcage*ed up and had authorised a rush order on my assessment. Even got a home visit and i had a final decision of yes you are disabled enough about 3 weeks after my assessment and i even got the backpayment without fighting them.


But... The back payment doesn't cover the 4 months of overdraft fees, or the stress it will just about pay off everything because i got lucky on timings of payments. It came in pretty much the day that my first pip payment and ny esa payment had come in the day before so my od about £50 so i can use it to pay off the credit card (splitting that into chunks and keeping a couple of hundred quid in savings reserves instead just in case.)


But... A soon as that got sorted there's now annothee issue with the council tax people not twigging that I'm on housing benefit and since i can't get through over the phone iv now got to trek to the council office to deal with that.


Plus all the latest doctor has done is decided the previous one whod actually put forward an option that the tests said was helping was wrong pulled me off a medication I can prove was helping based off about 5 minutes of testing (where she got numbers iv NEVER seen anyone else get and half the tests she did wrong because i was sat in a chair for all of it vs laying down or being stood up for parts of it) and shunted me off to Wait for an OT and a neurophysio referral and a clinical psychologist... Which is *badger*s and minimum 6 months. (iv had the letter for the pain team that's not till June and that's only going to be the hi who the *fruitcage* are you and what's wrong appointment)


It's *badger*s what i need is surgical intervention the trial in December 2015 PROVED THAT but someone *fruitcage*ed up and forgot to add me to the surgical lists at the hospital so rather than 3.5 months i found out i. April theyd *fruitcage*ed up and in July approval for those ops got removed completely because of sone issue with the device manufacturer and because id been discharged from the specialist into the care of the surgeon I got discharged completely meaning everything else that specialist wanted didn't happen so i had to wait to see someone new who decided that nothing was actually to do with the disability and it was basically all my fault because 'it hurt after the up so you did less exercise so it hurt more so you did less' which is *badger*s i lost something like 3/4 of my movement ability, my reaction speed using the affected leg and the muscle control, and i was exercising fine but exercise doesn't explain how after a physical day my entire ankle locks up spasms and doesn't move properly for two to three days afterwards.


The whole system is , you get patronised, condescended to and noone actually listens to me because what the *fruitcage* do i know I'm just the patient I don't have a fancy bit of *fruitcage* sheepskin on my wall so what I feel or think and my experiences don't actually matter.


So she changed my drugs making everything worse (iv not come off completely because at 30mg per day I could barely function because the anti soasmodic shea taking me off of is one of the few drugs im on that actually helps) and her genius idea of raising the neurological pain killer is making me tired fuzzy and lethargic Plus... The issues that cause the pain are actually physical the soasms in my back and hips the muscle spasms and the joints locking up so a neurological painkiller will do precisely *fruitcage* all.


And of course if you don't follow their recommendations while waiting for the next specialist despite you know... Not being able to contact them for advice when it doesn't work you get tagged as uncooperative.


The worst part aside from my mother being a nurse ergo licking the *albartroth* of the specialist because 'you don't have a medical degree' and lecturing me that i have to play nice and i have to accept stuff and use the disability suck it up and accept that I'm going to have to use it to get anywhere in life and 'aoply to work for the charities, I worked for x charity and the majority of their office have x' because you know... Wanting to be judged for who i am not the *fruitcage* disability is stupid and getting yelled at because i don't want to do it because that feel like iv given up.



The worst part is that all of this is I'm being told that i have to accept I won't get any of my physical abilities back that i have to deal with it (straight out of the latest specialists mouth) and me being as bad as i am is the fault of a house officer, who for 3 years ignored my reports of a problem at every appointment just dismissing it as post op pain.


3 years... 3 *fruitcage* years before someone else looked at the x rays properly, before they looked and realised that they'd crushed the main nerve in my foot. An other 6 months before they pulled the metal work out on the day of my a level finals exams for three subjects meaning i couldn't eat or drink during my exams, had two days off then back for another week of exams. Meaning i *fruitcage*ed those up. (I managed to get the course 2nd choice but...) and this *fruitcage* house officer who crippled me because he didn't listen IS STILL PRACTICING, He as far as iv managed to track down is a bloody consultant. He has ruined my life and there's been absolutely NO comeback for it. No sort of punishment or affect on his career at all.


Then they decided to fix their *fruitcage*up they had to redo the op and that's when this started. They did this to me. I need to find a solicitor who can take the NHS on, can go through the mediation *suitcase* and get permission from the government to sue them and i know that the odds are I'm not going to get anywhere. That all i will end up with is weasel words that say something like 'acted in accordance with policies, actions will be taken to review those policies in the future' because that's what everyone I know who work in that system are telling me will happen. You need permission from the nhs to sue the nhs in effect...


There's been times so far where people have admitted that its standard practice to lose referral requests if they can't hit the target in time. Standard practice to only acknowledge a referral request when they are able to get the patient an appointment in the mandated 6-8wks to confirm an appointment and when i pushed the PALS team i was openly told 'you can request an investigation but we won't find out what happened just that it was an accident' people being told things like that to discourage people from pushing for an inquiry.



Dealing with the NHS and the DWP it honestly feels like exactly the same tactics get used. Exactly the same as the American VA scandal where they have 'death lists' where they are hoping that you give up or die so that the case disapears off their workloads and stops hurting their target achievement scores.


It feels like the system is there to ensure the system runs smoothly NOT to treat patients and help people.


I'm trying to find a solicitor at the moment, hopefully being put into touch with someone who has done it and won. I want to go right back to the start, challenge them on every decision that got me to this point.



In a centuries time i honestly think that the kind of surgery i went through as a child and teenager will be looked at in the same way we look at trepaning and leeches today.


Permanently severing tendons to improve posture and gait because it's cheaper than botox every 6-8months without any understanding of how permenantly paralysing a muscle will affect people down the line. Meaning that patient has a muscle that has not relaxed in nearly 20 years causing muscle spasms and pain all because one nick with a scalpel is cheaper than a regular injection. Ripping a bone out of a joint and rotating it 30 degrees to change how a child really (14) walks with no real thought about how that will affect the adult. Breaking and fusing bones of still developing and growing bodies to change how they move.


I really don't think that they thought about how my life as an adult would be whether they had any understanding of what would happen 19-20 years down the line.

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Might be worth looking into it.


It's not something you just get if you can't fill the form in yourself, they know the way to phrase things, understand what the questions actually mean, know of other help which you can claim which you might not otherwise be aware of, etc.


The Derbyshire County Council one is called Leonard Cheshire, there should be a similar group wherever you are.

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Droid, I can't imagine what you've been going through, I've had a *fruitcage* horrific time dealing with the bureaucracy in the DWP and local council and I'm only trying to get my JSA and Council tax exemption.

This kind of thing is what happens when you start organising things in terms of quotas and targets. You either have to start seeing people as numbers or you get fired. It's a horrible state of affairs.

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This is all *fruitcage* *badger*s.


Short courses of counseling are no use, the NHS likes to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it is results based and quick.


*fruitcage* that, get Psycho-dynamic therapy or integrative (CBT, Psycho-dynamic and Humanistic combined) and get more sessions.

You may have to pay yourself.  Look on the counseling directory and speak to your GP if they aren't *suitcase*.


Look on here:



You should be able to find a local counselor on there, some do it over the phone.

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Every single time i see a new pain management team some 'bright sparks sends me to CBT thing is... In my case its *badger*s. It DOES NOT WORK for someone like me who *massive simplification here* is depressed because she is a drug addict, though not a drug addict by most peoples measures because I'm not taking more than I'm prescribed or doing things like crushing and snorting or injecting after dissolving in alcohol what I'm prescribed I'm am physically dependant on opiates. I am depressed because of that physical dependance on the opiates to function albeit in a rubbish way. (basically my choice is curled up in a ball bed bound or staggering around/wheelchair masively tired and struggling but at least able to live on my own and 'function')


The measures that the NHS use to codify is your depression worse this week y/n delete as appropriate fundamentally DO NOT WORK for me and people like me where questions like how you are eating, not sleeping vs oversleeping, leaving the house, speaking to people/engaging in social interaction are more to do with 1. The pain level and exhaustion from the condition and 2. How *suitcase* the drugs are making me feel. The depression doesn't rank high enough on the list of imputs that other than the occassional melt down Blip, because every *fruitcage* person i know constantly asks stupid questions about when I'm going to get better or decides that they know how to 'help' by patronizing the *fruitcage* out of me and making decisions about what i am physically capable of without actually asking me and then when i get irritated they wrap it up with 'we are just concerned that you don't over stretch yourself and are trying to help' which apparently makes deciding that I'm not capable of doing anything i actually want to do and ensuring that on larp events/various other things i sit in camp and do nothing vs being allowed to actually do something and I'm apparently meant to be magically ok with that because they are 'thinking of your health' or whatever excuse they have for taking away my right to choose what i do or do not do/attempt to do because everyone else knows better than me what i can and can't do apparently. And when i do get irritated with this I'm 'emotional' or Bring unfair' etc etc etc all designed to make me out as the unreasonable one which cements their idea that they are doing a 'good thingTM.



So if I know that CBT does not work precisely because the end result of it is usually 'helping the patient with the creation of short term daily goals with the aim of giving the patient a feeling of success' or some variation of that. In my case the fact that I've gone from being a 14s 100m sprinter, competing at junior national and home nation events to having to set short term goals that include such highlights as Manage to shift a weeks worth of washing down 14 stairs and load it into a washing machine' as a daily goal to feel positive about is utter *suitcase*.


The short term or attainable goals thing fundamentally DOES NOT WORK for me because the reason i am depressed is entirely due to the rapid rehabilitation of my health, physical ability and fitness combined with the fact that i know EXACTLY what would cute my depression BUT that is completely and utterly unattainable because i have no magic wand and the general idea of Patient is given antidepressants, patient is stabilised, patient can face issues causing depression whilst at an even keep, patient stops taking antidepressants will not work for me because hmmm what's the reason I'm depressed Oh yeah i need to take a handful of pills every 6hrs daily to cope and experience physical addiction symptoms that have thanks to *fruitcage* stupid NHS policies like a GP conducting a yearly review on a drug prescribed and manages by a specialist so a drug they have no right or training or ability to change, not contacting the patient when its due therefore blocking the medications from being refilled meaning that due to local policy they don't issue an emergency appointment and instead put that patient through 3-7 days of full opiate withdrawal all to tick a bock saying thwy had a 5 minute 'yes you are on drugs x,y and z, no nothings changed, no I'm not allowed to change anything, no the specialist hasn't changed anything thank you Ms Droid your prescriptions will be ready in 2working days' at which point i get annoyed and frustrated and then get the script but... Iv been through 2-4days of hell shaking puking dizzy spells sweating basically the cold turkey scene in train spotting and then have to wait 24hrs because the gov won't let a pharmacy stock *fruitcage* all in terms of controlled drugs because of a policy of looking after smackheads and avoiding prison means that pharmacies get robbed allot.


So basically to prevent people getting high thanks to docs writing scrips without need or people getting high Privately purchased drugs they make me risk my health and lose my dignity because due to the fact I'm young and after going through this i end up looking greasy haired and shivering with the smackhead shakes I get dirty looks waiting for my tablets and even when I'm ok every jumped up little twerp pharmacist tries to interrogate me about the medications I'm on because their either fully paid up members of the Junior G Men society and get a hardon from the very thought they may catch someone doing untoward with their tablets. (and if i collect anything a day earlier than the 24-48hra before due date this type think is acceptable to you know prevent pharmacy screwups/rta's/strikes etc from putting me through withdrawal I get the same lecture)or they look at me and see late 20's, jeans and a hoody and a coat shifting impatiently coz i can't sit/stand comfortably and just assume I'm an addict. Finding a regular pharmacist helps but they can't preorder CD's in without a scrip and i can't get mine on repeats so have to phone each month.


But because CBT is a tickbox on the way through the system and its drilled into their heads during training that it is good and it will fix people i keep getting sent to it despite being able to prove that it just makes things worse because they don't get any decent data to offer support guidance with and the goals/management pathways actually make me more depressed by pointing out in stark detail exactly how badly my life has been ruined by the lies and incompetence of previous medical professionals'.



I don't have any suggestions on how to change the systems to make them better other than some form of encouragement for people to listen to patients as humans but i don't know how to change that really well... I have a few suggestions bout minimum standards of spoken English for doctors and medical staff for one along with a contract that states that any complaints about someone manner are looked at externally vs inside the hospital as well as allowing for any change in treatment you offer a patient or any condemnation or refusal to see something as an issue due to your own moral/cultural views which don't fit with British culture be grounds for a disciplinary hearing (at 16 i reported a problem with my hip to a house officer the one who eventually discovered the ankle damage that had been ignored actually. This problem was basically that there were occassiona that my hip had moved, crunched and locked in a position different to normal causing me quote intense pain and the inability to move for a good chunk of time. This issue had only happened in certain situations. When i reported this i got a shocked look from the guy who was iirc German fairly hardline Lutheran and his first comment was basically that due to my age and marital status that issue shouldn't be a problem...)


To fix the CBT issue, I think a national NHS database and an elimination of the tickbox referal system needs to happen (the you need to see X person but to get there we have to send you to A b F and T who will trial 3-4 things each regardless of whether this has been done before somewhere else because 'policy says...' Or 'guidelines require' or Finding for x requires us to show that a b and t isn't working' and the same thing needs to happen with medication to get one of the meds i can prove helps... I have to run through the list of opiates find a specialist willing to consider it and if i voice any addmittance the stuff helps i won't get it because of the drug being based on something that's illegal and considered to have no possible medical use)


The pharmacy thing.... Not entirely sure how to fix that but i suspect that a combination of swiss and Portuguese policies on hard drugs (decrimilisation from the porto logic which frees the gov to deal woth the crimes done to make money to buy drugs and the violence etc with government control of the production and supply line in the case of Swiss attitude to heroin meaning addicts can use in a controlled safe environent and remain functional members of society vs injecting fentatyl spiked heroin cut with lemon pledge that dissolves skin and the health issues that go with that) combined with a decriminalized and legalised policy on other drugs as appropriate



Follow Oregon's policy on cannabis (taxed, personal grows with limits same as brewing beer, the supply of dispensaries being slanted towards small businesses, mandate that only certain things can be used on plants, regulations on size of commercial grows to prevent big businesses creating a monopoly, all things produced to be tested consumers supplied with the grower's details so its tracable, the strain, the the and cbd level as tested by a private lab facility at the cost of the grower and the details of said lab alng with a batch id so that this info can be verified)


Stuff like mdma/e/amphetamines I'm honestly not sure about but i do believe that psychotropic drugs like LSD and Magic mushrooms and oh god there was another really famous one the one that the BBC filmed a scientist take and he documented it for the show back in the 60's mescaline i think? could be legalised safely though it would require huge amounts of information campaigns.


My own experiences with mushrooms when they were legal weren't harmful and credit hat experience with helping me grow up and begin to deal with some of the horrible stuff that had gone on in my life and I'm fairly convinced that they can help people. A view supported by research into using various psychotropic drugs in the treatment of PTSD in the last few years. Fascinating tuff to be honest.


But... The war on drugs to borrow a term isn't working and all the restrictions are doing and they are getting worse over time, all they are doing is making it harder for people like me, patients using then as directed to get access to the medication.I'm having to rely on pharmacy orders to arrive in 24 hours of them receiving the scrip due to the policies of not renewing controlled drug scrips less than 5 days before they are due so 12-24hrs for the area prescription line to send the request to the gp (sinve in my area we cant just phone the gp anymore the gp can only process dropped in written requests) 48hrs for the docs to write the scrip the the third day at some point it ends up in the queue for transfer to the pharmacy so they get it at 530-6pm so the med goes onto the order list for the next morning and then I'm generally speaking going to be close to due completely so i have to hope everything works and its not out of stock at the distributors or the particular brand of the stuff I'm prescribed hasn't been pulled off the market because apparently the brand matters with a generic scrip since giving me oxycodone would be a crime since my scrip says oxylase even though its basically tesco oxycodone vs sainsburies oxycodone.


I don't know how to change the system but i know in a few areas its massively broken and its its so needlessly hard you end up feeling like you re drowning allot of the time.


Hedge, the CAB has occassionally been helpful but they aren't really allowed to help you phrase questions they can only have stuff dictated to them without having to declare and sign stuff and generally iv always feared that using that sort of thing calls into question my competance which will lead to me losing my independance as they will assume that i can't manage my own affairs which will lead to me begging a court appointed 'advisor' or whatever the new pc term is for pocket money when i want to go do something and... Just I can't because i don't want that kind of 'help' where I'm at the whim of what other people think is acceptable. Iv had that experience where iv been lectured by paid help with the 'are you really sure you want to buy that crate of guinness' type attitude during a thing i got asked to help with training carers and support workers by going shopping with a couple to give them an idea of what sort of assistance might be needed and much like thenLSA system at school our parents and grandparents generations have the patronising physically disabled means mentally disabled type thing and i don't want to be treated like a child and have to beg permission for pocket money and justify what i want it for.

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