My eye! Sweet Jesus, Ouch!

[hitmanNo2]

I see only two options really.

 

1.  Detonate an EMP and hope it's not shielded.

2.  Order a *suitcase* load of expanding foam.  Poke the nozzle through the letter box and it will fill up the interior and eventually smother the alarm and silence it.

[Tw1tch]

Pick the lock.

 

With a crowbar

[amateurstuntman]

BUT WHAT ABOUT THEIR HUMAN RIGHTS?

 

Eau de humanity...

 

 

This is a semantic problem.

 

A lot of people use the term Human Rights when they mean Civil Rights.

 

Civil rights are rights provided and protected by the government of the country in which you live.

 

Human rights are the rights provided and protected by nobody just because you are human.

 

If they existed then people from The Congo would have them.  They do not.

 

They also do not have Civil Rights but only because their government is chip shop.

 

If Civil Rights are provided and protected by the government they can be revoked.  For things like (for example) being a paedophile or a worthless, benefit scrounging, no mark scumbag.

 

 

Were I emperor, the very first thing I would do is make a law requiring all pavements to be split into a 'slow lane' next to the shops/buildings and a 'fast lane' next to the curb.

 

Anyone in the 'fast lane' who stops without good reason for more than 10 seconds would be shot immediately in the head arrested and sent to prison for 3 months.

 

The second thing I would do is pass a law making the Daily Mail, the Sun, the Express and all of their subsidiaries/localised variations use only Comic Sans in bright pink with glitter, with one of those things they put in birthday cards that play music when you open the blasted thing.

 

Except, instead of music, it constantly plays the 'I love willies' song from the IT Crowd.

 

Also, I'd fire Rupert Murdoch into the sun, using a super-large cannon which I would commission, creating a massive demand for jobs.

 

Also also, as part of welfare reform, I would instigate a tea and biscuit allowance to be paid out to all citizens. You would have the choice between Digestives, Hobnobs or Rich Tea.

 

I think we can work together on this.

I would employ a "citation needed" policy on "news" papers similar to Wikipedia.

 

Obviously people would need to pay attention to where they are walking, being pulled over for bad walking would result in the requirement for walking proficiency training.

 

In Brecon.

 

With a Bergen.

 

Say what tink??

 

Stunt.. the alarm is inside.. I would need to smash the door down first.. So more destruction.. Seriously considering it. I just got back from my shift and the beep is still going.. I have a sledge hammer at my parents, if its still going on tomorrow things could escalate. 

 

Also, count me in as an advisor if you have space.. your *suitcase* needs to get done. ASAP. 

 

OK, now we get into slightly more dodgy ground.

 

Hypothetically speaking.

 

Did you know, for example, that a "normal" door (like most people's back doors) can be opened by using a car jack to spread the door frame enough that the lock doesn't fit any more.

 

Interestingly, many people don't double lock their doors.  That means that in a lot of cases you can poke an appropriately shaped piece of metal tube through a letter box and use it to push down a door handle from the inside.

 

Many times the easiest way to do that is to use a door wedge to hold the letter box open and a make-up mirror to see what you are doing.

 

If the door knob is round you can hook a piece of rubber strip around the door handle (like a strip of tyre inner tube) and turn the handle using a couple of pieces of bicycle brake cable.

 

That is all hypothetical, breaking into housed is a bit illegal.

[DeltaZero]

All of the above are very valid options!

 

Stunt you know a bit too much about breaking into houses I did know about the car jack though, im sure it was in a film or something?

[shmook]

I've got a fairly decent grasp on 'human rights', my comment was more a homage to the *fruitcage* scrotes I deal with, and the shrieking harpies too that seem to scream human rights as you're locking them up or dragging them out of a building...

 

 

Edit, easiest way into a house through a uPVC door is with a stihl saw...

[hitmanNo2]

Edit, easiest way into a house through a uPVC door is with a stihl saw...

If you don't have any explosives that is.

[shmook]

This is true!

[Tw1tch]

If you don't have any explosives that is.

Ssssh, energetic devices.

[Mike_West]

I'm drained. Not only this country could use a decade or so of EU stabilization forces, but those *suitcases* at Syfy canceled one of my favorite shows, day after the showrunner moved house to work on it more comfortably.

That, and of course I will have to explain at work why those *suitcases* from Brussels conveniently forgot to refund us forty grand or so despite their assurances.

[amateurstuntman]

Sorry Shmook, the Human Right thing pushes my buttons too.

 

 

I love the techniques and devices used for forced entry, intellectually - of course, and the techniques and devices used to ensure security.

 

I find it fascinating.

 

The thing I don't understand about the Americans is their love of fire arms for "home defence" when most of them have just terrible physical access prevention.

If they spent the money on a decent door that they spend on guns they would all be living in a concrete bunker.

 

If you stand with your back to the wall next to a door and donkey kick the bottom corner of the door (opposite the hinge) 90% of single locked doors will just pop open.

This has the advantage that if somebody inside opens fire you won't be silhouetted in the door.

 

Unless you are in America where the outside walls of their houses are made of tissue paper.  Then you will be shot clean through the wall.

[shmook]

No need to apologise

[Tw1tch]

The thing I don't understand about the Americans is their love of fire arms for "home defence" when most of them have just terrible physical access prevention.

If they spent the money on a decent door that they spend on guns they would all be living in a concrete bunker.

 

They should also spend part of their gun money on first aid training and kit, that equipment and skill set is going to be far more useful in day to day life. Happen upon a severe RTC? "Don't worry buddy I've got my trusty AR-15 here, it's gonna be fine."

 

We've had a community of travellers turn up in our estate, not a bad thing in itself but all the children are being screeching, door knocking, bin kicking thugs.

[amateurstuntman]

At least they don't leave a mess when they leave.

[hitmanNo2]

Always intrigues me when you get travelers wondering why they have the level of hate against them.  I mean, are there different classes of travelers?  Like some groups that would never occupy land illegally and leave Human waste all over it e.t.c. Or are they all just acting incredulous for the cameras?

[Skarclaw]

There's deffo good and bad travellers. There is a large-ish family who live not far from my parents. One side (literally too, one half live on one side of the camp)  of the family are fine, they run a pick your own strawberry thing. The other half are the complete opposite, typical rural crime. The main man is a piece of work, he was convicted and sentenced to six years for a historic rape, then was found not guilty at a retrial. was talk about witness intimidation but I can't find it on the local news website so i'm not sure.

 

Was drinking at a pub when i was younger and more foolish, talking with my mates and two guys sharing our table. I started banging on about this bloke and these guys got pissy and told me to leave it out bla bla bla... turns out they were his sons. We all got kicked out! Also this bloke was done for conning a pensioner AND one of that family (can't remember who) threatened to shoot my granddad.  Mad! This was years ago though 

[Gunnman]

My sister is the most condescending person I know. Called her up today and told her how I am looking for a job.

 

She said "Try construction, they hire criminals, they might hire you"

 

*fruitcage*in' c*nt with capital C.

[Hedganian]

Charming.

[shmook]

What a *badgeress*.

[Gunnman]

I want to just brush it off, but this is hard. I really try to be empathetic because we both lost our mom and dad. But, I wanted to reach through that phone and slap her.

 

We're talking about a girl who had everything handed to her by my parents: cars, a house, $100,000 college degree, endless hours spent trying going over and fixing/cleaning things at her house. While, at best, I got a broken down GMC Sierra I had to fix to make my own, and a PS2 when I was 10. I also lost more than she could ever fathom. MY HOUSE, MY CAR, MY FIANCE, MY FRIENDS, I had to quit my job because of my ruthless boss, who got in his position after my friend who hired me left.  And she's mad at me because I left a major of the legal work (she's a para-legal) to her. Did she wipe my father's *albatross* when he became sick? Did she lift him into his wheel chair every morning? Did she do it at night? Did she care when I told her his kidneys were failing and I had take him to the hospital(as a matter of fact, she went to a party that nigh)? Did she empty out my mom's whole house, and does she pay for the two storage units it takes to house that *suitcase*?

 

 

I can't stop this eye twitch from all my rage. How much anti-psychotics does it take to stop deep homicidal thoughts? We'll *fruitcage* find out.

[DeltaZero]

Just got home from a day paint balling with work... what a *fruitcage* pile of *suitcase* rip off that game is. £80 for 1000 balls and a couple smokes. Markers that couldn't hit a barn door from a meter away and marshalls that are seriously arrogant. And more bloody teflon warriors than you can shake a stick at. In fact that stick could probably have hit more than the supplied markers.

 

Makes me remember why I chose to get into airsoft all those many years ago.. I really should get to a game more.

[shmook]

Paintball truly sucks. I went a few years ago as a group, experienced everything you did and vowed never to go again.

 

If I was offered a free day at it I wouldn't go.

[hitmanNo2]

Yup.  PB sucks.  Ammo prices are insane.  Poorly maintained guns, sorry, 'markers' constantly malfunctioning combined with general abysmal performance.

[DeltaZero]

Yup. I too will never go again. I went to spend some time with the guys out of work but really it wasn't worth it, an innings at the pub would've been a better call!

 

I just can't get over how terrible every aspect of it was. Literally insane. Im going to suggest airsoft next time. It's a shame the sandpit isn't running anymore that's just up the road they'd have probably been up for it!

[shmook]

Yep, there are no redeeming features at all.

[hitmanNo2]

Anyone else find girls are terrible at not putting the toilet lid down?  I know guys get *suitcase* for not putting the seat down but girls seem to think just leaving the lid up is fine.  If everyone could just put both down, that would be great.  Looks neater and however slim the chance of poo particles in the air after a flush is reduced.