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recon

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:D:D:D:D

Below are a list of rules the women should know. After all, guys are supposed to remember stuff like the day we got married - c'mon - it's only fair!

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

 

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

 

3. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

 

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

5. Ask for what you want! Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

 

6. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

 

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

 

9. Check your oil! Please. You always know when you're out of food to cook.

 

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

 

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

 

12. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

 

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

15. Christopher Columbus and Marco Polo did not need directions, and neither do we.

 

16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

 

17. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. And, we have no idea what mauve is.

 

18. If it itches, it will be scratched.

 

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really

 

21. You have enough clothes.

 

22. You have too many shoes.

 

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway).

 

24. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

 

25. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

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26. We are genetically incapable of having an opinion on fabrics. Deal with it.

 

27. Cushions serve no useful purpose.

 

28. There are four things that define all men. We like: naked women, lesbians, stockings, and Sean Connery best as James Bond.

Note: the above are paraphrased from the TV series Coupling, before anyone points it out.;)

 

29. We will never want to watch any of the following: Dirty Dancing, Ghost, Pretty Woman, in fact almost anything starring Julia Roberts is right out, Bridget Jones Diary.

 

30. We have not watched Schwarzenegger movies too often. That phrase contradicts itself and has no meaning. Now shut up, Commando's on.

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6. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

 

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

Hehe. Those two especially made me smirk. There is surely nothing more frightening than being asked "And you remember what tomorrow is don't you?..."

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:lol:

What do women and KFC have in common?

When you're finished the legs and the breasts, you still have a greasy box to put your bone in.

:lol:

Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

 

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

 

"Yes," replies Dave with a laugh.

 

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

 

"That's great!", says Dave, "When are you going out?"

 

"Well, I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

 

"Sensible.", says Dave.

 

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest, sexiest dress you ever saw."

 

"And what happened then?"

 

Paul slumps back over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."

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