Best complaint ever!

[nuclearfeet]

I work at Safeway....'Nuff said

I work in the deli, so I have run-ins with customers at least every single day.

 

We had this lady come in and ask us if we had a certain brand of cheese.

 

Lady: "When will you get **** brand of cheese in again?"

Me: "I dunno, let me ask my supervisor."

Supervisor: "Sorry, we don't carry that brand of cheese."

Lady: "Yes you do, I've been shopping here for 20 years and I always buy this brand of cheese." (the store hasn't been around for 20 years...)

Supervisor: "Alright, let me check my ordering book." (5 minutes later)

Supervisor: "Sorry, we don't carry that brand of cheese."

Lady: "WHAT?! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I BOUGHT THAT BRAND OF CHEESE HERE JUST LAST WEEK."

Supervisor: "But we don't even carry it. I can order you a similar brand of cheese if..."

Lady: "LISTEN TO ME!!! I KNOW YOU CARRY THAT BRAND OF CHEESE! WHEN WILL YOU GET IT IN STOCK?!

Supervisor: "Ma'am, we don't carry that brand of cheese. Here, you can even look in the ordering book if you want."

Lady: "I'VE BEEN SHOPPING HERE FOR 20 YEARS AND I'VE NEVER BEEN TREATED THIS BADLY. I'LL SEE THAT YOU ALL LOSE YOUR JOBS."

 

(sigh)...

 

 

 

Another incident happened when I rang up some crackwhore for some deli food. I handed the receit to her, and she left it on the counter. She left and I promptly crumpled it up and threw it at a coworker 20 minutes later, she comes back with a look of panic on her face.

 

Crackwhore: "I need my receit, it has my pin number on it." (....no it doesn't)

Me: "Ok, let me see if I can find it for you."

I forgot I threw it at a coworder, so I'm looking on the counter, and around the cash register.

Crackwhore: "I really need that receit, it has my pin number on it. I don't want people to steal my credit card information."

Me: "I think I threw it in the trash, I'll see of it's in there."

Crackwhore: "Just find it."

So I'm looking through the nastiest garbage you can think of trying to find a little slip of paper. Meanwhile, the lady is complaining to my supervisor and rambling on about how people are stealing her credit card information. The receit doesn't even show the full pin number

Crackwhore: "I NEED THAT F****** RECEIT!!!

Me: "Sorry, I'm still looking for it."

Crackwhore: "YOU'D BETTER FIND THAT F****** RECEIT."

So she has all 5 of us looking everywhere for her receit. Our store manager comes buy and she starts shouting at him and waving her arms.

Me: "I'm sorry, but your receit is gone. There is no way to get it back."

She just leaves the store after that.

Manager: "Damn, that lady was ######. I don't think she knows that the receit doesn't show a full pin number...."

So I finally manage to find the crumpled up receit, and we have it pinned on our bulliten board.

[Mister Big Shot]

I was in the Olive Garden and a man and his family sat at the table next to me. I could not help but notice that he was an *beep* to the waitress. Everything was somehow not cooked to his liking and he took it out on her.

 

"This is way to *Fruitcaging* salty"

"My pasta is cold"

"Don't you people know how to cook"

"This is not real Italian, it's s#i#y American/italian!"

"You fill my drink with icecubes so I have less drink"

 

It was horrible. Even if the food is horrible there is no reason to complain to the waitstaff. After all, they do not cook it, they just serve it.

[dryrot141]

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

 

 

Does it make me a bad person for laughing at that?

[otherrandomhero]

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Does it make me a bad person for laughing at that?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't quite know what was so funny about blind people...

[Lanesracra]

I don't quite know what was so funny about blind people...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

A TV license.

 

For BLIND people.

[otherrandomhero]

A TV license.

 

For BLIND people.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

oh...didn't see the TV part. Now that you mention it, that's hilarious. Speaking of this sort of thing, something else is somewhat weird. I'm a member at an athletic club near me. It has 2 parking lots and about 200 spaces total. 10 are handicapped. How many handicapped people go to a fitness club?

[Thechom]

oh...didn't see the TV part. Now that you mention it, that's hilarious. Speaking of this sort of thing, something else is somewhat weird. I'm a member at an athletic club near me. It has 2 parking lots and about 200 spaces total. 10 are handicapped. How many handicapped people go to a fitness club?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Well, blind folk can still hear the TV.

 

And, just cos, say, you can't walk, doesnt mean you dont want to stay in shape. Maybe you've heard of the Paralympics, you know, that sporting event. With Hundreds of "handicaped" folk, running jumping and swiming, probably a lot better than you can.

 

[doc_newstead]

How many handicapped people go to a fitness club?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

At least 10?

[Chimpy]

I used to work for Orange at their call centre in Bristol handling Credit Control. So we got lots of naughty people who hadn't paid their bills phoning in when their phone had been blocked.

 

Them: "I need it for business."

Me: "Pay your bill then!"

 

Was pretty much de riguer for phone calls, with the normal irate person phoning in, people pretending to be other people and a whole load of wackos.

 

Best one was an epic call that started with the chap on the phone telling me that his sister worked for MI5 and she'd close down Orange the next day unless we unblocked his phone. He paid in the end.

 

It's more welcoming than normal call centre work because there is latitude to give as good as you get (within reason, so no swearing).

 

However the only thing worse than our customers were the ordinary Customer Service people.

 

Thankfully now I only have to struggle with a 3rd party proprietary videogames engine using its own custom scripting language. Rhymes with zeal and is rather idiosyncratic!

[Misfit]

oh...didn't see the TV part. Now that you mention it, that's hilarious. Speaking of this sort of thing, something else is somewhat weird. I'm a member at an athletic club near me. It has 2 parking lots and about 200 spaces total. 10 are handicapped. How many handicapped people go to a fitness club?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I'm handicapped... I manage to play airsoft, I'm sure I'd manage a fitness club.

 

For 5 minutes..

 

Then I'll want my bed.

[pacino]

I train staff for a large fashion retail company, and my job entails going to other stores to train/troubleshoot/ show 'em what to do. I am behind the counter on day in our Covent Garden flagship store showing 3 members of staff how to run the tillpoint....in walks a guy that looks like a rugby player. He has a newly blackened eye and half his face is so swollen I think he has fractured his eye socket. He is missing a tooth and his lip has been split- badly. He is wearing a brown leather jacket that has what looks like bloodstains on it and his hand is bandaged rather poorly. (You can see the "seepage").

Him: I bought this shirt and it's damaged- I want a new one....

Me: (opens bag to pull out a ripped shirt covered in Claret) Ummmm..

Him: Well?

 

At this point I realise that he has taken the trimming of his life whilst wearing the returned shirt.

 

Me: Why does it only have one sleeve?

Him: Errrrr..

Me: You've copped a beating, and you want us to replace your shirt for you, right?

Him (a bit unsure now) Yeh.

Me: F**k. Off.

 

I realised that the guy was either a bit retarded or still punch drunk/ concussed- Otherwise I may have been a bit nicer. Either way now I have 3 members off staff who quite regularly tell rude customers to " F**K. Off..."

[Guest Captain J Wesker]

Oh yes, that one for the win!!

 

Be repped oh rude one!

[otherrandomhero]

.  With Hundreds of "handicaped" folk, running jumping and swiming, probably a lot better than you can.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Impossible, seeing how i'm so tough i can rip a phone book in half with my eyelids. Hardcover.

Anyways, it seems some people were offended, or something of the sort by my post about handicapped spaces. Here's how it works: we have 10 handicapped spaces, and there are usually none filled. I have occasionally seen one filled. This was an old woman picking up her grandson once, and another time it was a paraplegic who decided using the club was incredibly difficult. I'm not saying there shouldn't be handicapped spots, but there isn't a need for 10 of them.

[The_Butchers_Wife]

We have had summer neighbourghs who complained that the Dogs bark, the Rooster is loud, the cows are mooing, the only things is, we don't have any f*#¤# animals besides our 3 cats.

 

 

When I say summer neighbourghs, i mean turists who turn up and hire a house over the summer. (I live in the country.... )

[pacino]

 

 

When I say summer neighbourghs, i mean turists who turn up and hire a house over the summer.  (I live in the country.... )

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Oh mate the FUN you can have wit' them.....

 

wait until around 2 or3 in the morning and light loads of torches (the real flame not flashlights) if you stand a good distance from their house but within earshot for them, start chanting stuff, like in a Blair Witch stylee. If you arrange the torches in a circle with some mates for example, it will look really creepy...

 

Or you can just s**t on their doorstep.

[pacino]

oh yeah, another one. Wait til they're out, then hammer a whole bunch of 6 inch nails through the middle of the front door, at eye level. Do this in a "bunched" fashion- when they get back they will think it is the work of a psychologically disturbed person. Or a Satanist...

[mr_mich]

I was working at CVS (pharmacy/drugstore/convenience stor) and have a few good stories from there.

 

One night I was working late, I was still in high school and just about ready to go. The store was in a pretty rough neighborhood, and I wanted to get out ASAP. Anyways, two black gentleman approach me as I'm lining up products on the shelves, and ask me for some Viagra.

 

"I'm sorry sir, that's prescription."

"Well where do I get a prescription? Man I need that *beep*, when I'm bangin my lady she's just waaaaaaaailin for more and I can't get it up no mo!"

"You gotta see a doctor for that man, we don't keep it on the shelves, we don't want little kids getting into it thinking it's candy..."

"But you don't understand man! She yells MORE MORE MORE and I'm still soft as a rock!"

"..."

"Damn man, you're really harshin my love life."

...then they just left.

 

Another time, my manager at the time came up to me while I was straightening and tells me that there are two FBI agents in the front. Apparently there was a suspect in our store, and they said he might try something. So Joe, the manager, says there are a few silver Caprices parked out front, and if I see anything unusual I should flash the floodlights outside the store. Then he asks me to go open up on register and start ringing people up...(nothing ever came of it).

 

The store was also in a predominantly hispanic neighborhood. I look hispanic (if you're a moron) so it wasn't unusual for hispanic people to approach me and start flinging their espanol all over me. This one girl starts talking to me and says "Vapor" a lot, doing an inhalation motion repeatedly. Bingo, it's cold season, she wants vapo-rub. So I take her to the Vapo-rub and hand it to her. "No no" she says. She outlines a big box with her hands and makes a plugging motion. Ohhh, those vapor things that you put the fluid in, it's like a humidifier but medicated. So I take her over to those. She starts smiling and her eyes light up, then she makes a pouring motion. Oh, she wants the REFILLS. So I show her where the refills are and she says "Gracias" and smiles. Ten minutes later at the cash register, I rang her up with an air-freshener that you plug into the wall and a jar of vaporub. She might be dead now.

[The_Butchers_Wife]

oh yeah, another one. Wait til they're out, then hammer a whole bunch of 6 inch nails through the middle of the front door, at eye level. Do this in a "bunched" fashion- when they get back they will think it is the work of a psychologically disturbed person. Or a Satanist...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Thanks for the tip. Mabye I'll try it. I can get Dafool take a *beep* on their doorstep

[mower]

How many handicapped people go to a fitness club?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well we have a blind guy that comes in every week without fail to do weights, i remember because he buys sweets for the staff room and flirts with the receptionists. Then there are the disabled groups that come in every weekend for water therapy in the pool, i remember these guys becase one of them screams that they are going to kill me everytime they see me...

 

Anyway as you can probably guess from that i work at the local pool (swimming teacher/rec leader) and the most common complaint we have is white trash screaming (at me in particular) that they want "to use the *fruitcage* inflatable/tarzan rope/cargo net because we came all the way from *fruitcage* melbourne, so get the hell out of my way or give me a refund you stupid idiot". All while im standing there trying to run a birthday party made up of six year old girls that are now crying...

 

Then there was the biker bloke that started shouting at me for "ruining his climax" when i asked him to stop screwing his girlfriend in the hydrotherapy pool.

 

Finally there are the things i have to clean out of the pool

 

*beep* (and lots of it)

used condoms

syringes

nails

etc

 

and after all this i still love my job!

[evilhippy]

As I'm working for a business thats wants to stay successful, the customer is always right, especially when they're wrong, and they always get what they think they want. Right after you've persuaded them that what they want is actually what you were prepared to do anyway Thus is the true art of salesmanship achieved - twisting a complaint into a profitable exercise.

 

Stupid complaints we honestly haven't had many of - given the esoteric nature of the business (unless you're in the trades) then the questions we would find naive and blindingly obvious, or just egregious, are fair enough.

 

My favourite one of all time (and we've been asked for this 4-5 times in the 7 years I've been here) is:

 

"You got any secondhand concrete mate?"

 

Think about that for a second.

 

Other than that we've been incredibly fortunate/devious with all the horros and accidents we've had over the years, our lorry must have knocked over literally dozens of gateposts, fences, walls, cracked dozens more driveways, drain covers, dented and crunched innumerable tarmac drives and generally caused mayhem at a frequency of one complaint about every 3 weeks.

We do tell every customer getting delivery the size, weight, turning ability and unloading capabilities of the vehicle and we don't let people leave without knowing how we do things, but still they complain, and still they leave with nothing more than what they paid for and the headache and expense of repairs because they simply didn't listen to or understand what we were explaining to them.

 

Oh well. Maybe it'll have a pleasing knock-on effect on the gene pool in some way

[mario114]

Having just got back from my first day working at a fish & chip shop (just doing part time work for about 6 weeks) I don't have anything amazing to tell apart from an old lady who insisted the 5p I handed her wasn't a real one (it was), but I still swapped it over for anouther one. And some guys who ordered loads of food, the though the bill was to high, and proseeded to count up every iteam about 5 times, before I just showed them the recipt.

[Runner]

I'm pretty sure we have it worse off in America as far as stupid kids go...since we reward stupidity at school.  It goes like this:

 

You're stupid? (mostly just not trying though)

Here's an easier test.

 

I swear, my generation is fubar.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

No *beep*. That is completely true, people are just *fruitcage* lazy...

[triggerhappy16]

I work in a lovely country 4-star hotel and we cater for a lot of weddings. Now after the meal there is the evening reception. On weddings of 100+ people the bar get f****d, 2 staff to deal with all of them and they have to get glasses from the other side of the hotel. Well the rate these people go through galsses is immence, plus then there the glasses from teh meal 3xno. of people. So as they are drinking so much wine the full-time staf in the glass room (pokey little room that normally like 25degrees and steamy) say not to polish 1 rack for the bar to take, normally all are polished cos they go on the tables, only glasses not polished are half pints unless used for a conference set-up. Now the bar takes the unpolished rack and we continue our work. I come into work the next day and hear that a guest complained about it (how often do you check your glass of water marks?) so they apparently had £4,000 off the cost of their wedding.

 

Then there was the time they ordered evening buffet for 50 when they had like 120+ guests and complained when the food ran out! Chef made more, which they were charged for and they then complained when that ran out.

 

Another time the restaurant bar sell a guy spirits off "the trolley", these being the expensive ones. He is oblivious as to what he is buying and didn't ask and ends up with a bill of £500+. When he found out in the morning he complained and the bill was dropped.

 

Trig

[Psaldorn]

well we have a blind guy that comes in every week without fail to do weights, i remember because he buys sweets for the staff room and flirts with the receptionists.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I doubt he'd need a parking space really.. maybe there's a legal percentage of parking spaces you ned to have though. 5% or whatever minimum.

[mr_mich]

Does the blind guy flirt exclusively with hot receptionists? If so that's weird.