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casey_cole

A sea-food based joke

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Several lobsters are swimming around in the restauants fishtank. One of them goes to another 'Who do you think will be eaten next?'

 

The other lobster replied 'AHHHH! A TALKING LOBSTER!'

 

EDIT: Here is an old one

 

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being raped

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BWAHAHAHA! +1 for that my friend.

 

A man with no arms or legs is lying on a beach, when three young and beautiful topless ladies walk past. They take pity on him. One says, "Have you ever been hugged?"

"No..." he replies. She hugs him long and hard.

The next one asks, "Have you ever been kissed?"

"No..." he replies. She gives him the best snog of his life (well, dur...) with her chest pressed alluringly against his.

The next one passes and enquires, "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No!" he says cheerfully.

She replies, "Well, you will be when the tide comes in!"

 

CC

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HAHA i needed a good laugh definatley a +1.

 

I went into the doctors the other day and told him i kept randomly saying A,E,I,O,U he said no need to worry you've just got irretable vowel syndrome.

 

*tries not to get pelted on the way out the door*

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*drags phoenix360mute's body away*

 

 

*runs back in*

 

Two ariels get married the wedding was rubbish but the reception was fantastic.

 

why do polar bears wear fur coats?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cause they'd look silly in anaracks. :P

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How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?

 

One: he just holds it, and the world revolves around him...

 

----------------------------

 

How many Church of England ministers does it take to change a light-bulb?

 

CHANGE?!?!?!

 

CC

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How many U.S fighter pilots does it take to change a lightbulb ??

 

"Hell !, You mean it was one of OURS !?!?!"

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how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

 

 

Two:

One to hold the Giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.

 

 

 

pete

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Lol at Rec and Melonfish.

 

How many folk musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Six. One to change the lightbulb, and the other five to write and perform a song about how good the old one was.

 

CC

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And now some late football results:

Real Madrid: 1, Surreal Madrid: a fish.

 

In the Fantasy Football League:

Next Door Neighbour's Wife: 3, Tesco Checkout Girl In Leather Nazi Outfit: 2

 

:zorro:

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In a biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder

is flat."

Little johnny raises his hand, "I know, I know."

"Go ahead Johnny."

"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."

"That's terrible Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents. Let's try

another one."

Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"

Again Johnny raised his hand.

"We'll give you another chance."

"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it.

 

:o

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Teacher asks "If there are four birds on a fence and the farmer shoots one, how many birds will be left?"

Johnny puts his hand up and says "None miss, because the noise would scare them off."

The teacher says "The answer I was looking for was three, but I like the way you think."

Johnny then puts his hand up again.

"Can I ask you a question, miss?"

"Alright, Johnny."

"There are three women eating ice cream cones. One licks at the ice cream, one nibbles bits off the top, and one puts the whole thing in her mouth in one go. Which one is married?"

"The teacher thinks for a bit before saying "The one who puts it all in her mouth?"

"The answer I was looking for was "the one with the wedding ring," but I like the way you think, miss."

 

:zorro:

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