Star Wars

[The Mad Taff]

You might be a Redneck Jedi if ...

 

1) You've ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all".

2) Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

3) You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

4) At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

5) You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.

6) You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

7) The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

8) Wookies are offended by your BO.

9) You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

10) You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

11) Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, boy, come on over to the dark side ...it'll be a hoot".

12) You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defence electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

13) You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

14) You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

15) You have the canopy of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

16) Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt feller had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

17) You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

18) You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

19) You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

20) If you hear: "Luke, I am your father...and your uncle."

 

How to determine YOUR Star Wars name:

 

Your New First Name:

1. Take the first 3 letters of your 1st name.

2. Add the first 2 letters of your last name.

 

Your New Last Name:

3. Take the first 2 letters of your Mom's maiden name.

4. Add the first 3 letters of the city you were born in.

 

Your Star Wars Honorific Title:

1: Take the last three letters of your last name and reverse them

2: Add the first three letters of the make or model of your first car

3: Insert the word "of"

4: Tack on the name of the last medication you took.

 

Top 25 Lines in Star Wars that Can Be Improved by Substituting the word "Pants"

 

1. A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.

2. You are unwise to lower your pants.

3. We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

4. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

5. These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

6. I find your lack of pants disturbing.

7. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.

8. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

9. General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

10. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.

11. TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?

12. Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

13. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.

14. You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.

15. Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.

16. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

17. That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

18. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.

19. Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

20. Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one. Your sister!

21. Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

22. Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.

23. Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.

24. I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

25. You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

[Desolation mkII]

Ace. 23 was the best.