USMC Commandant makes Chuck Norris Honorary Marine

[Sledge]

KidScotland doesn't mastrubate, he *fruitcage*s the air.

KidScotland was born early because he had roundhouse kicked his way out his mom. Seconds later, he grew a beard.

There is no chin behind KidScotland's beard. There is only another fist.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects KidScotland could use to kill you, including the room itself.

KidScotland knows the sound of one hand clapping, and it is one hand screaming in fear of his powerful legs.

KidScotland can Roundhouse Kick you in the *albartroth* so hard you get foot-in-mouth.

KidScotland does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge KidScotland.

The only reason tanks go so slowly is they're looking nervously around for KidScotland.

KidScotland only kicks you into next week so that he can kick you again. Harder.

It is said you can't know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. This means no one will ever know KidScotland because he'd kill you if you touched his shoes.

You don't insult KidScotland, you're already dead.

KidScotland can perform a roundhouse kick with both legs, at the same time.

KidScotland has two speeds; Walk, and Kill.

KidScotland uses his abs to smooth diamonds

Oddjob from James Bond can cut a man's head off with a well-aimed throw of his hat. When KidScotland throws his hat, he can split an oil tanker in half. Lengthwise.

KidScotland's beard is a third degree black belt. Additionally, his left arm recently received first place in the National Kickboxing Championships.

KidScotland sold his soul to the Devil for unparalleled Martial Arts ability. He then immediately proceeded to roundhouse kick the Devil and take his soul back. Satan, who loves irony, found himself unable to hold a grudge and the two of them play poker on the second Wednesday of every month.

If stuck on what to do, just ask yourself: "What Would KidScotland Do?", and then give up, because you can't kick that hard.

KidScotland and Tina Fey punched each other simultaneously. The resulting shockwave created a tsunami in Indonesia.

KidScotland is the only person known to have defeated Bodidharma, the creator of martial arts.

Bruce Lee is the only known person who can defeat KidScotland once and for all. Too bad he died before he got the opportunity.

KidScotland is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

A common myth is that KidScotland is a Ninja Pirate. This is ######. It is well-known that ninja-pirates *beep* their pants in fear when KidScotland is mentioned.

The pen may be mightier than the sword but it's no match for KidScotland' roundhouse kick.

KidScotland is what really killed the dinosaurs

KidScotland killed Kenny, you ######.

KidScotland can divide by zero, but he only has to look at zero and it divides itself.

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a KidScotland Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

KidScotland is true for all values of x.

The square root of -1 is KidScotland.

KidScotland is the last digit of pi.

KidScotland can invert a singular matrix.

KidScotland can find the square root of the color yellow, without using a prism or a diagram of the visible light spectrum.

KidScotland is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle—you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

KidScotland, however, does know.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" was finally solved when KidScotland roundhouse kicked himself in the face. That was the first time he was ever seen without his beard.

When KidScotland does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Aliens do exist, but the reason they never show their faces is because they are way too scared to come *fruitcage* with a planet owned by KidScotland.

KidScotland is the only known being to defy the Time Paradox by going back in time and killing himself. (Note the current KidScotland says this does not mean he can be beaten.)

Contrary to popular belief, 'The Big Bang Theory' was neither a cannon, nor some dude with a beard who created the world in six days, it was actually KidScotland roundhouse kicking matter out of an infinitely small space into an infinitely massive expansive conundrum in every possible direction.

Mathematicians have found that due to the excessive amount of women KidScotland has slept with, it is guaranteed that he appears in your family tree a minimum of three times.

If you multiply zero by KidScotland, you'll get infinity a roundhouse kick to the face.

KidScotland squeezes cannon balls for stress relief. And that's where mercury comes from.

KidScotland went back in time and invented the dinosaurs because KidScotland hates to see a perfectly good meteor go to waste.

KidScotland can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

KidScotland' tears can cure any known disease. Too bad he has never cried.

When KidScotland kicks you in the face, his foot is moving faster than the speed of light; this means that while it may appear that he has taken .01 seconds to kick you to the outside observer, you were already dead at -3 seconds.

KidScotland can speak Braille.

KidScotland=MC²

The poisonous compound cyanide has the formula CN, these are also KidScotland' initials. Coincidence? I think not.

KidScotland can break all laws of Thermodynamics.

(1st Law) KidScotland can create and destroy energy.

(2nd Law) KidScotland can reduce the entropy of the Universe.

(3rd Law) KidScotland can reach absolute zero.

Issiac Newton created his own laws for KidScotland.

(1st Law) Anything kicked by KidScotland will continue to move forever

(2nd Law) KidScotland can accelerate anything in any direction he wants even himself.

(3rd Law) There is no equal or opposite reaction to KidScotland's roundhouse kick.

KidScotland invented gravity to give himself a challenge.

KidScotland' wristwatch does not have numbers on it, it just says, "Time to kick *albatross*"

KidScotland counted to infinity. And then back down to negative infinity. Twice.

Nothing can go the speed of light, KidScotland Isn't Nothing

Automakers considered switching from horsepower to chuckpower, they stopped because all the numbers were infinitely close to zero>

While his fact generator may appear random, KidScotland has decided the order until the end of time

While some claim that Al Gore invented the world wide web, It was actually KidScotland' giant mechanical spider. It is still waiting to catch something that is worthy of being KidScotland' prey.

Molecules consist of KidScotland.

KidScotland can combine General Relativity with Quantum Mechanics.

KidScotland knows the square root of -1

KidScotland knows the last digit of the square root of pi times -1

KidScotland has well water at home, but no pump. He simply sucks the water straight up through a 40' straw.

The Universe is not expanding due to the after-effects of the big bang. It is merely trying to escape from KidScotland.

When a scientist discovered the secret to cold fusion, KidScotland roundhouse kicked him. He is now in a mental ward. KidScotland did not do this out of spite, the scientist just made the mistake of asking him the time.

KidScotland discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which KidScotland is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, KidScotland roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Newton's Fourth Law is KidScotland. " An object at motion will stay at motion, unless it meets KidScotland".

3 trillion light years away there is a galaxy named; " The Roundhouse Galaxy". KidScotland has a vacation home there.

The sqaure root of KidScotland is.... "oh god no!" *Roundhoused*

The Probabilty of KidScotland succeeding in anything is 2.

Smoking is bad for your lungs. KidScotland is bad for your existance.

KidScotland is the reason Hitler committed suicide.

The reason we don't he hear from Osama Bin Laden now is because KidScotland is making him his *badgeress*.

No one can beat the Great Khali, KidScotland killed the Great Khali by staring him eye to eye.

KidScotland can score a goal while in the penalty box.

When KidScotland talks everyone in the world listens. Including people who are deaf.

KidScotland uses pure capsaicin as eye drops.

KidScotland doesn't like to roundhouse kick people. He just has to.

Chuck once went on a totally insane killing spree. The next day, the movie Dawn of The Dead came out.

KidScotland can bend a spoon with his mind.

KidScotland planted the seed of the tree that gave Adam and Eve the apple.

KidScotland doesn't age; another year gets added to his existence, which sucks for you.

KidScotland killed George W. Bush. Now he is

KidScotland lost his virginity before his father.

KidScotland IS his own father (oh yea)

KidScotland was so buff, he can burn an ant with a magnifying glass....AT NIGHT!(He also dosn't use the magnafying glass)

KidScotland can stop rock and roll

KidScotland was once known to have one phobia, melowathamstercheessehammerriddleupforkwibbleglasseyerogomogophobia and this is the fear of watermelons. He got over his fear by

In Soviet Russia, KidScotland still roundhouse-kicks YOU!!

KidScotland doesn't sleep. He waits.

KidScotland often donates blood. Other people's blood.

KidScotland and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome power cannot be contained in one building.

It is said that looking into KidScotland' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, all those who get that close have exactly the same future.

They once made a KidScotland toilet paper, but there was a problem-- it wouldn't take *beep* from anybody.

When you introduce your mom to KidScotland, she introduces you to your biological father

Every time God masturbates, KidScotland kills a lion

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like KidScotland. But usually they grow up just to be killed by KidScotland.

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. However, when the Hulk gets even more ###### off, he turns into KidScotland.

KidScotland doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not KidScotland.

KidScotland hates Jordan Smith.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears KidScotland pajamas.

If you work in an office with KidScotland, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

KidScotland can slam a revolving door.

KidScotland puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

KidScotland' bedroom is always brightly lit. No, he doesn't have fear of the dark. The dark fears KidScotland.

KidScotland once ate an entire Saltine cracker factory in under a minute. Without a glass of water.

For lunch, KidScotland has six frozen pizzas and a vacuum cleaner. You can only imagine what he has for dinner.

KidScotland does not go hunting because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. KidScotland goes killing.

KidScotland can bite his own elbow.

KidScotland has driven across the Atlantic and Indian oceans. The water just got out of the way.

KidScotland didn't kill the dinosaurs, but he did beat the *beep* out of several Tyrannosaurus Rex.

KidScotland can make women bisexual with his mind, but this is unneccesary as they choose to in his presence.

KidScotland has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.

On his birthday, KidScotland blows out his candles by blinking.

KidScotland can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

KidScotland CAN believe it's not butter!

KidScotland CAN beat that taste---with the roundhouse kick.

KidScotland CAN masturbate too much:although he dosn't need to masturbate.

KidScotland doesn't like Sara Lee. That's why she's dead.

There's no such thing as a free lunch, unless you are KidScotland.

KidScotland knows exactly where Carmen Sandiego is.

When you slow down a KidScotland roundhouse kick, you notice that he has sex with 27 women, has a smoke with Denis Leary, and does three roundhouse kicks before actually doing the kick. During those three roundhouse kicks the same thing happens, thus continuing to infinity, which KidScotland counts to while doing a roundhouse kick.

If you fail to capitalise KidScotland, he will kill you so fast you w--

In his spare time, KidScotland enjoys knitting sweaters. With his face.

KidScotland can cook 2 minute noodles in 1 second. And if he wants, he can uncook them back to a block again.

Humpty Dumpty never sat on any wall, nor did he ever have a great fall. KidScotland just didn't like his face.

When KidScotland was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. But they still sold him his McMuffin.

Your shoes were made in China. China was made by KidScotland.

KidScotland ordered a Big-Mac at Burger King and got one.

The Guinness Book of World Records has a disclaimer in the end stating that all the records actually belong to KidScotland, and the records listed are just the ones that came closest.

KidScotland is not a racist. KidScotland hates everyone equally.

KidScotland once impaled 40 horses to make what he called "an authentic merry-go-round".

KidScotland' favorite pizza topping are lots of human fetus.

KidScotland can eat a powdered donut without licking his lips.

KidScotland sells his urine canned. It is marketed under the name "Red Bull."

You can find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. But when KidScotland has taken the gold, you will probably only find corpses of leprechauns.

KidScotland is the only known human who can stand on his nose.

In space, nobody can hear you scream. Except KidScotland.

"Chu-ck nor'ris" is Klingon for "destroyer of worlds".

Each of KidScotland' teeth is from a different person.

KidScotland doesn't shave. Instead, he raises his fist and the hairs know to back the hell up.

KidScotland died ten years ago. The devil is still trying to work up the nerve to tell him.

If you can see KidScotland, he can see you.

If you can't see KidScotland, you may be only seconds away from death.

If you can see KidScotland, you may be only seconds away from death.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is KidScotland.

KidScotland let the dogs out.

KidScotland once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. KidScotland won by 7.

Bloody Mary is afraid of facing a mirror and repeating "KidScotland" three times. She knows she would die after the first one.

After KidScotland has popped, he CAN stop!

Hellboy's Right Hand of Doom is on loan from KidScotland

Every year for his birthday, KidScotland selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

After KidScotland was born he roundhouse kicked every doctor in the face and exclaimed" nobody delivers KidScotland but KidScotland", shortly thereafter he grew a beard

Billy Jean may not be my lover, but the kid is KidScotland' son.

KidScotland has the won the title "Miss America 2006". Twice!

KidScotland is the new black in fashion.

Why was 10 afraid of 7? It was because 7 knew KidScotland.

I once sent my Chihuahua to be trained by KidScotland. It came back a Doberman. Sent the Doberman back, it came back a mountain lion. When I sent the lion back, KidScotland came back with a T Rex hide, saying, "Sorry, but it tried to eat me." I lost memory soon after that, and still can't remember the three years between this submission and the "incident". Man, my neck hurts.

KidScotland knows the meaning of life. He will only tell you once he's killed you.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. KidScotland IS fear itself.

When you masturbate, God kills a kitten. When KidScotland masturbates, God kills a lion.

Every time you do the school homework, KidScotland punches a Mexican baby in the face.

KidScotland added the "fun" in the word "funeral".

We pronounce Hippopotamus with 5 syllables, KidScotland does it in 3.

During Cold War, Russians created their own secret weapon; Chuck Boris, but it failed miserably to the original.

KidScotland brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

When KidScotland does division, there are no remainders.

Mr. T pities the fool. KidScotland rips the fool's head off.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A KidScotland is worth 1 billion words.

KidScotland CAN tell D-Generation X what to do.

KidScotland CAN see John Cena.

KidScotland sheds his skin twice a year.

KidScotland can split an atom. With his bare hands.

KidScotland wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

When KidScotland goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.

KidScotland is comin' to get The Boogeyman. That's why he hides in peoples closets.

KidScotland is the reason that This Fire Burns.

KidScotland doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.

KidScotland once roundhouse kicked a Salesman, over the phone.

KidScotland is not only a noun, but a verb.

Jews believed in moses but moses believed in KidScotland

KidScotland plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

KidScotland once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly Cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, because KidScotland lives in Oklahoma.

The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by KidScotland.

KidScotland is the reason the Hindenburg blew up.

KidScotland doesn't have blood. He is filled with molten hot "mag-ma".

KidScotland CAN judge a book by its cover.

The 11th Commandment is "Thou shalt not ###### off KidScotland". This Commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.

If it looks like chicken, and it smells like chicken, and it tastes like chicken... but KidScotland says its Beef then its BEEF ALL RIGHT?!!

Love does not hurt. KidScotland does.

KidScotland eats steak for every meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

KidScotland likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Someone once videotaped KidScotland getting ###### off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.>

In an emergency, KidScotland can be used as a flotation device.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals KidScotland allows to live.

KidScotland uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

When on eBay KidScotland doesn't bid, he always wins.

Guns don't kill people. KidScotland kills people.

KidScotland is like a box of chocolates. Too much will result in death.

Wiccans avoid KidScotland. If he happened three times, the world would end.

If the roof is on fire, KidScotland doesn't need water.

KidScotland won a recent poker game by beating MacGyver with 2 high.

The immense force of a KidScotland Roundhouse Kick is beyond comprehension, and in fact is responsible for the tropical weather phenomenon we call a "hurricane".

There's no such thing as a near death experience. There is however, a near KidScotland experience.

You may survive death, but you can't survive KidScotland.

KidScotland once inhaled a seagull.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that KidScotland' PC will crash.

KidScotland is on a mission, That mission is to rename the "White House" to "Round House" and kick the ###### out of terrorism.

The original A-bomb dropped on Hiroshima was nothing more than a Ziplock bag filled with KidScotland' highly potent seed.

Muhammad Ali used to say, "I am the greatest." Then he met KidScotland.

KidScotland never loses a game of Clue despite the fact everyone knows he's the murderer and used his foot to do it.

If KidScotland were blind, he could still see.

If KidScotland were deaf, he could still hear.

If KidScotland were paralyzed, he could still bang your mom.

In the year 2010, KidScotland' beard will be declared the 51st state.

If every woman in the world had met KidScotland, there would be no lesbians or virgins.

Moby ###### was actually a true story about KidScotland destroying ships with a whale he hijacked.

Tom Cruise tried to convert KidScotland to scientology. Soon afterwards, Katie Holmes got pregnant.

There once was a man from Nantucket, but then KidScotland roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If you look at KidScotland while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS.

Before KidScotland was born, people only cried out of happiness.

They say violence cannot solve anything. This is proven wrong when KidScotland came along.

KidScotland once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

KidScotland' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools KidScotland.

Some kids ###### their name in the snow. KidScotland can ###### his name into concrete.

KidScotland counted to infinity - twice.

Sewage systems are large only because the city officials fear that KidScotland might take a ###### somewhere in their city.

Everytime KidScotland kicks someones *albatross*, a baby cries.

Thunder happens after KidScotland kicks someones *albatross*, the lightning is gods way of pretending it didn't happen.

KidScotland puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

KidScotland died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Once a cobra bit KidScotland' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear KidScotland banging your sister.

KidScotland doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Giraffes were created when KidScotland uppercutted a horse.

KidScotland is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

KidScotland plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.

KidScotland can kill two stones with one bird.

KidScotland can build a snowman out of rain.

KidScotland once punched a man in the soul.

KidScotland once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

KidScotland can tie his shoes with his feet.

KidScotland can drown a fish. Twice.

Mr. T once defeated KidScotland in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, KidScotland invented racism.

KidScotland once finished "The Song that Never Ends".

Chick Norris was born in small town of Belgrade, Serbia.

KidScotland doesn't like people.

KidScotland was born fully formed dressed in armor.

KidScotland can lick his elbow. Both. At the same time

KidScotland doesn't believe in God. God believes in KidScotland.

Vin Diesel is the only living person who has KidScotland' autograph. The reason he always wears sunglasses is because the signature blinded him in two seconds. Then he got those glowing eyes from Pitch Black. Not for long, because KidScotland grew jealous and roundhouse kicked him so hard the eyes flew into space.

KidScotland walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.

KidScotland can't touch his nose with his tongue, but he can touch his ear with his tongue.

KidScotland clogs the toilet when he ######.

KidScotland once went to buy a new watch. He got it free, and the seller was never seen again.

KidScotland once shot down a plane by pointing at it and saying "bang."

Osama Bin Laden isn't missing. KidScotland just roundhouse kicked him out of existence, and the Terrorist Regime is a cover up to hide its brutality.

You don't *fruitcage* with KidScotland. KidScotland *fruitcage*s with you.

KidScotland can stop rock and roll

KidScotland factored RSA-2048 with one hand (not his own however).

The original 'Speak no Evil; See no Evil; Hear no Evil' monkeys were really afraid of KidScotland.

KidScotland doesn't get gift cards to Barnes & Noble... He gets all of Barnes & Noble.

Christopher Walken was originally supposed to play the part of Walker in "Walker Texas Ranger", but after a particularly long marathon of starring as every Power Ranger in 200 Power Ranger Movies, KidScotland wandered onto the set and started acting. No one dared to say anything. Amazingly, he recited every word of the script (including other character's). While drunk.

KidScotland once filled in for Sean Hannity on Fox News' Hannity & Colmes.

This, in fact, actually happened. It is an actual occurrence, of which there is un-doctored video evidence. It is not a made-up "fact." We're through the looking glass, people.

KidScotland can stop rock and roll. * If it looks like chicken and if it smells like chicken and it tastes like chicken, but KidScotland says its beef THEN ITS BEEF ALL RIGHT?!!!

KidScotland' birthday is known to be December 12, 2012(12/12/12), also known as Armageddon.

Astronomers said that KidScotland' balls were dwarf planets. The astronomers were found dead within the next 15 seconds of the statement.

KidScotland can tie a cherry tree using only his tongue

When you let out a can of whoopass, KidScotland comes out

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was KidScotland? All of it!

KidScotland can turn diamond back into coal

When life gives KidScotland lemons, he swallows them whole and craps out Big Bird

KidScotland once took lots of cocaine, heroin, and LSD. The next day, he crapped out Michael Jackson.

KidScotland had a bachelor party once. He ate the whole cake before we got to tell him that a stripper was in it.

KidScotland doesn't need to brush his teeth, as his diet consists mostly of toothbrushes.

KidScotland can eat a donut without licking the sugar off his mouth.

KidScotland can make Twisted Sister take it.

Once, a bus hit KidScotland. It never made that mistake again.

With the combined power of Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan, we can stop KidScotland.

KidScotland has gone to the end of the universe. He took a picture of a sign that said: "Universe City Limits. Next Universe; 1,000,000,000,000 Miles".

Godot is waiting for KidScotland.

Hannibal Lecter tells EVERYTHING to KidScotland when Chuck visits him, because Lecter is afraid to be eaten by KidScotland.

For KidScotland it is madness, and it is not SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Unlike popular theory, it was KidScotland who brought the USSR down. And that didn't happen in 1991, but in 1993. Why? Because that was the year Walker Texas Ranger started and all Russian communists literally scared themselves to death. By just the intro.

KidScotland Beats Superman, and ordered him to wear his underwear outside, Batman did the same thing before Chuck even say a word.

KidScotland have read every article in Wikipedia. While writing them.

KidScotland is the radio-transmitter.

While Neil Armstrong said "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," KidScotland interrupted him. He ate dinner. They had to re-cord.

KidScotland was the cameraman filming Neil Armstrong telling the world "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

KidScotland can order BigMac in Pizza Hut.

KidScotland loves country music, Slayer once played Moe Bandy covers live at his birthday party, for free.

KidScotland early job was a crash test dummy.

KidScotland's pick up line is "Now."

Waldo is always tell KidScotland where he at.

KidScotland is a Oakland Raiders fan.

KidScotland wrote all these facts.

We all eat an apple a day to keep the doctor away. Doctor's eat an apple a day to keep KidScotland away.

KidScotland doesn't wait fot public transport. All the bus drivers spend their whole shift parked beside bus stops just in case he turns up.

If KidScotland dies, he can resuscitate himself.

When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for KidScotland.

KidScotland' favourite actor is KidScotland.

KidScotland' roundhouse is the only roundhouse offerable to Krishna.

Mr T pities the fool, KidScotland pities Mr. T

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of KidScotland' first visit to Tokyo.

Jason, the Red Ranger wasn't the leader of Power Rangers. It was KidScotland, the Texas Ranger.

KidScotland first proved the theory of relativity. Albert Einstein stole the project. We today know Albert as Stephen Hawking

Freddy Kruegar had a nightmare of KidScotland every night until he was eventually killed by a roundhouse kick in the middle of the night.

Abe Lincoln was never shot, he told KidScotland a bad KidScotland joke.

Helen Keller's favorite color is KidScotland.

According to Maury Povich, KidScotland is NOT the father, despite what every woman argues.

Fred Durst once called KidScotland a *beep*. No one has seen that retard since...

When little boys get bored they put army men in weird positions. When KidScotland gets bored he puts dead bodies on the top of Mount Everest in weird positions.

KidScotland' ground moves can hit flying Pokémon.

Nemesis, from Resident Evil 3 is KidScotland' pet.

KidScotland won a game of Connect Four with only 3 moves.

KidScotland won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living *beep* out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

The seven Chaos Emeralds are really KidScotland' seven testicles.

KidScotland took 6 hours to complete Metal Gear Solid. It only took him that long because he used the TV remote instead of his controller.

When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he turns into KidScotland. And then KidScotland roundhouse kicks the Hulk for copyright infringement.

KidScotland can get a blackjack with one card.

When a Trainer attempted to use a Master Ball to capture KidScotland, KidScotland broke free without the Ball even shaking once. He proceeded capture said trainer by eating him, and forced his Pokédex to register him.

KidScotland can stop rock and roll

In Street Fighter II, KidScotland was originally supposed to be a character. But there was a glitch in which every attack move was a roundhouse kick. So they took him out. KidScotland responded to this by saying, "That's no glitch."

As a child, KidScotland liked to play tennis. There were no survivors.

When KidScotland plays soccer, the ball doesn't go towards the goal, thee goal goes to KidScotland.

When you type in " cheat KidScotland" in a game of Rise of Nations, KidScotland will appear on screen and roundhouse kick your opponent. Then you unlock KidScotland as a nation. When you use the KidScotland nation, you will only have KidScotland, and you will only NEED KidScotland.

KidScotland can roll a natural 20 on a D4

In the World of Warcraft, many characters are named after KidScotland, but always get wtfpwned, because there is only ONE KidScotland.

A woman once used KidScotland in a game of Scrabble. She scored 708,596,213 points, won the game, and gave birth to his child 5 minutes later.

KidScotland won the world cup of soccer in 1995, this is exseptionly amazing because both his legs were broken at the time and he was the only one one his team, he did the same thing for hocky football and genocide

The rising of the tide is in direct correlation with KidScotland's heartbeat... so is your Mom's menstrual cycle.

Diamond was believed to be the hardest object on earth, until they saw KidScotland' erection.

KidScotland doesn't clip his fingernails. He simply holds them back with the strength of his cuticles.

Who are KidScotland' parents? Might, Justice, and Cunning; yes, all three.

Why is the sky blue? Yeah, you guessed it.

The Loch Ness Monster is just one of KidScotland' bathtub toys.

All roads don't lead to Rome... They all lead to KidScotland.

Yes, he can pick up an atom.

Meteor did not kill dinosaurs, KidScotland ate them all.

The only things survived armageddon are cockroaches and KidScotland.

When KidScotland decide to have sex outdoor, sun eclipses happen.

Lions hunt in groups, KidScotland hunt groups of lions alone.

KidScotland capture T-Rex and trained them to act in Jurrasic Park movies.

KidScotland just killed the author of the previous sentence for poor sentence construction (captured, not capture) and spelling Jurassic wrong.

KidScotland is feared by sharks, they call him great white chuck.

They will never find the missing link, because KidScotland has them for breakfast.

A cheetah can run to 65 mph. KidScotland can run 65 tsl (times the speed of light).

KidScotland is the only man ever to have had sex with Mother Nature.

KidScotland graduated from the University of Pennsylvania's School of Badassedness. The school was later demolished because it would be impossible to produce a greater student - apart from the statue of him outside, which was impossible to scratch.

KidScotland holds a degree in thermonuclear physics, and can create fusion in the gas tank of his SUV.

Children light ants on fire for fun. KidScotland lights children on fire for fun--using ants.

Pi used to be 4. But Chuck doesn't like the number 4 so he roundhouse kicked it into a fraction. That is why KidScotland knows the last digit of Pi

KidScotland went through the IB program...four times. And he didn't do a single CAS hour, *badgeress*.

In Ancient Egyptian history, it was KidScotland who killed King Tut.

KidScotland impales a puppy every time you edit Wikipedia. There goes one now.

KidScotland taught badassedry to some hot women. They are the Amazons now.

In school, KidScotland did not consult books. Books consulted KidScotland.

KidScotland originally taught "Kick Yo' *albatross* 101" at Steelballs University but was fired for being too tough on the students.

KidScotland was the founder of The Roundhouse Kick.

When KidScotland says jump, God says how high.

 

 

 

Most religious people believe. KidScotland knows.

KidScotland prefer to go to hell when he die, so he can kick satan's butt every time.

Atheists don't believe God, until they meet KidScotland.

When KidScotland decided to become a missionary, the first country he visited was Soviet Union during cold war.

KidScotland can't die because God dosn't want him in heaven(because he thnk he will roundhouse-kick everyone to Earth) and Satan is afraid he will takeover Hell.

KidScotland can fight City Hall.

Hiroshima was never hit by a bomb. KidScotland jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

The chief export of KidScotland is pain.

KidScotland sank Atlantis.

The one time Bush claimed Iraq has weapons of mass destruction was when KidScotland was flying over Iraq on his way to Hong Kong.

KidScotland has no seat at the United Nations. He prefers to stand.

KidScotland was once pulled over for doing 100 in a 30 zone. The cop had to let him go on a technicality though because there is no law against walking.

KidScotland CAN Believe It's Not Butter!

KidScotland fought the law and the law *beep* itself!

 

KidScotland is a proctologist. He cures constipation by kicking the *beep* out of you.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, KidScotland smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 seconds.

Phobias are afraid of KidScotland.

KidScotland has his own brand of sleeping pills. The only ingredients are his fists and your face.

When people are constipated, doctors tell them they are going to send them to see KidScotland - it literally scares the *beep* out of them.

KidScotland may reanimate the dead if he so pleases, but only to kick their *albatross* again.

The person who made the last entry is now in the hospital with roundhouse-related injuries.

When KidScotland has surgery, they apply the anesthesia to the surgeons.

The leading cause of death is KidScotland. Oh wait, it's the only cause of death.

KidScotland is the only person to EVER survive an abortion. For good measure, he ate the doctor alive shortly afterward.

KidScotland's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

KidScotland can turn *beep* into gold. But only *beep* of other people. Cause his *beep* is already gold.

Hercules was KidScotland in Ancient Greece.

He was also Perseus. He turned Medusa into stone by having sex with her.

KidScotland's son is Zeus

KidScotland killed all the Unicorns because they were weak.

KidScotland can make every prayer in the world come true. He's just too busy roundhouse kicking the *beep* out of the sinners.

Greek science was just a metaphor for what KidScotland imprinted on people's heads with roundhouse kicks.

300 Spartans held off Xerxes's Army of Millions to block entry into Greek lands, killing thousands before their demise in just a few short days. Meanwhile, KidScotland was at Xerxes's rear flank, killing millions in just a few short milliseconds.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Fixed.

 

[Connery]

Snap, snap.

[Jagdraben]

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

 

 

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.

~ Chuck Norris

 

From Chuck Norris's official website (about three-quarters of the way down the page). Be sure to check out the Christian section of his website.

 

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises."

 

I've got a bulletin for you, folks. I am no superman. I realize that now, but I didn't always. As six-time world karate champion and then a movie star, I put too much trust in who I was, what I could do and what I acquired. I forgot how much I needed others and especially God. Whether we are famous or not, we all need God. We also need other people.

 

If your whole life is spent trying to make money and you neglect the people important in your life, you will create an emptiness deep in your heart and soul. I know. I fell into that trap. I dedicated my whole life to fame and fortune. I had a huge hole in my heart and was miserable until I met my wife, Gena, who brought me back to the Lord.

 

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

 

By the way, without him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you.

 

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever."

 

There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

 

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.

 

Again, I'm flattered and amazed by the way I've become a fascinating public figure for a whole new generation of young people around the world. But I am not the characters I play. And even the toughest characters I have played could never measure up to the real power in this universe.

 

More from a WorldDailyNet article on the Norris meme.

[Connery]

Chuck Norris does not need to acknowledge the facts. He knows that everyone will believe it, because if they don't, he'll personally roundhouse kick them in the face through their monitors, another skill that only Chuck Norris and KidScotland can do.