Okay, so I didn't go and buy the wood for making cabinets yet. But I did get back from Amsterdam on Sunday after celebrating new year there.

I think that is a viable excuse, really.

Ah yes, Amsterdam, `Citie of one Thousande Surprisses` as Terry Pratchett might like to think of it, but in truth there were no surprises at all, which....could have been better, which is a real shame because it would be so nice if I hadn't been so calculating about what I saw.

What I heard could hardly be prepared for, however.

It was a great little break (2 nights) and a merry, messy trip with some great people, and I had a damn good time, however; I think the tourism of Amsterdam has taken a lot away, and not just because of the overcrowding, massive queues and hectic crowds.

It has lost the element of surprise.

I knew a few things about amsterdam before I went, namely;

It is full of bicycles, hundreds of the things in great rows, and they are `communally owned` by the people of the city i.e. you pick up the nearest one when you need it and leave it in one of the huge racks, they are not personal or the property of any citizen, but the local government provides a few thousand new ones each year to make up for the occasional stolen or destroyed ones.

I didn't see any of this `hotswapping` fandango, but after dodging a couple of bikes in the street it's almost unnoticeable, and becomes much like Oxford but with more snow.

They have coffee shops that sell you dope from a menu. After you see the menu and the fact that you can smoke and drink at the bar has sunk in then the novelty has pretty much been and gone unfortunately, although it is great to see the choice and probably insanely high strength of the more expensive stuff I did in fact sample a good amount and we just about got through everything people bought (there were 8 of us, 7 of whom bought herbal merchandise) before we went, so pretty much constantly drinking and smoking for 8 hours or so on New Year's eve/New Year's day morning, and despite being very much mashed, by rights we shouldn't have been able to do it!!

They have ladies of negotiable affection in windows, displaying their wares with a twinkle in their eye. Yup they do have hookers in windows, and they aren't just in the tiny alleys but are also on some of the canal streets. A lot of them looked like they had a crack habit however, as they were very drawn and prematurely aged in the face. I guess the body can be readily altered, and what with it being legal over in Holland and them being self-employed then they can probably claim it off against their tax bill

Plus, to be honest, I found myself almost ashamed to look at any of them, until I'd had a few more beers that is. It really does seem very sordid and unattractive when you see the glazed smiles and forced poses, and seeing various chavvy scumbags and other undesirables emerging from their various windows kinda sealed the whole thing for me - as my mate said; `It's not a case of being sad of inept with women if you go to a prostitute, just a case of being lazy` and I fully agree, but after seeing how things are over there, I can safely say Funk That to the idea for evermore.

They have guys on every corner late at night offering you crack, cocaine and heroin. No different from Soho, then.

They have gay cinemas and gay porn shops. Soho, once again.

They have vast numbers of sex shops, sex museums and associated copulation-orientated paraphenalia. This, while provided in some discreet measure by the London borough of Soho among other places, is impressive if only for its blatancy.

There really are quite a large numbers of places to by replica genitalia, and that's all I'm saying.

And the canals are very impressive, beatifully ornamented and in wonderful surroundings - even from an architectural point of view - yet the crowding makes them hard to negotiate and, simply put, a bit of a bugger.

The place is still amazing though, if predictable, but I'm saving my experiences of the new year moment and the fireworks for another entry.

They definitely deserve it.

Happy New Year to ya'll by the way, hope it is prosporous for you and as much fun as I intend to make mine!!