jokes and stories to tell your mates

[phoenix360mute]

ok, after a few nights in with the boys, there was a few things that really cracked me up, and if you also have any, then tell em here

 

ok here goes

 

first is a little story to tell your mate

 

goes like this

 

you:ok man, i got a well good story to tell you about my mates dad who went to a tommy cooper show

 

mate: oh go on then, tommy cooper is the 111one111 ect ect

 

you: ok then, his dad was in the front row, and tommy cooper sais to the audience, ok then, im gonna need a watch for my next trick, then he points to my mates dad and sais "you sir, you have a liovely watch, mind if i borrow it" but my mates dad was nervouse as it was his dead wifes last gift to him

 

mate: awwwwwwwww

 

you: *slap* shut the hell up, im talking (or something similar)

ok then, so he gives tommy cooper the watch, and then Mr copper sais "ok audience, heres the magic trick, i place the watch under this velvet cloth, and then i smash down on the cloth with this mallet" and he does, then when he lifts the cloth, the watch is shattered into a thousand peices, my mates dad was horrified, and at the end of the show he went back stage and talk to Mr copper, Mr copper said "sorry about that, my assistant will give you some tea and doughnuts while i get ready and we can talk about this" so, naturally, Mr coopers assistant came out with a tray of tea and doughtnuts, and said "he wont be a second, he just has to change quickly and he will be right out, but please help yourself to a drink and some snacks", so, my mates dad had a sip of tea and then, he took a bite of the doughnut, but you will never beleive what was in it

 

mate: the watch?

 

you: *slap* no, jam you fool

 

 

 

ok heres another one

 

you: hey mate, what do you have if you got nuts on the wall?

 

mate (either) i dont know?

(or) wallnuts

 

you (either) wallnuts)

(or) correctamundo

 

you: so what do you have if you put nuts on your chest

 

(implying that your mate has a brain)

mate: chestnuts

 

you: correctamundo again billy boi

 

you: ok then, what do you have if you got nuts on your chin?

 

mate: chin nuts?????

 

you: *slap* no you fool, you got a ###### in your mouth

[slacky]

[pillow_pwnage]

I'd feel more appropriate laughing at dead soldiers.

[phoenix360mute]

bugger

[slacky]

second one was alright,

 

[Shard]

*snip*

QFT

[Meathead316]

the last one made me chuckle a tiny bit, but not as much as the picture of tumbleweed