Shao14 Posted November 8, 2004 Report Share Posted November 8, 2004 I saw the following at specialoperations.com, and thought it may apply to airsoft too. Murphy's Laws of Combat If the enemy is in range, so are you. Incoming fire has the right of way. Automatic weapons --aren't. Suppressive fire -- won't. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire. There is always a way. When in doubt, empty the magazine. Teamwork is essential. It gives them someone else to shoot at No combat ready unit ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit ever passed combat. The easy way is always mined. Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases. Body count math: two guerillas plus one portable plus two pigs equal 37 enemy KIA. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing. Tracers work both ways. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: (a) when you're ready for them and ( when you're not ready for them. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you. The important things are always simple. The simple things are always hard. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs. Murphy was a grunt. Link to post Share on other sites
michael_collins Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Half life: Opposing force instructionan manual right? Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Heh...not bad! Couple of repeats though Link to post Share on other sites
snake_goth Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 seen the longer one of that, still funny every rime.. and DAMN LONG! (100% text and it actualy took TIME to load) Link to post Share on other sites
sp00n Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 Always remember your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. Hahaha, I never really though of it like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris P Posted November 10, 2004 Report Share Posted November 10, 2004 Full Version If a weather forecaster says that it's going to be a good day... don't belive him! There is always a way for you to be shot. The other team invariably attacks on two occasions: When you're ready for them. When you're not ready for them. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at. A broken leg is nature's way of telling you to slow down. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you. Nothings more accurate than friendly fire. You are not superman. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. The guy with all the Gucci kit has no damn idea how to use it. Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. If it moves, shoot it. If it doesn't move, shoot it until it does. Never share a trench with anyone braver than you are. If your attack is going really well, you have walked into an ambush. No plan survives the first contact intact. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. If you are forward of your position, the supporting fire will fall short. The only time to worry is when you are in enemy territory and there is no sign of the enemy... The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack. The important things are always simple. The simple things are always hard. The easy way is always mined. If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy. Incoming fire has the right of way. Friendly fire - isn't. If the enemy is in range, so are you. Drink math is: 2 cans beers x 37 men = 49 crates. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they are both right. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of Rambo wannabe's! What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in a grotesque manner in the next rank. If orders can be misunderstood, they will be. A little caution outflanks a large OpFor. Never reinforce failure, failure reinforces itself. Five percent of an intelligence report is accurate, the trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5 percent. A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. He who wants to defend everything, defends nothing. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd. There is no such thing as a convenient foxhole. Mine fields are not neutral. If they are shooting at you, it is a high intensity conflict. "Perfect" is the enemy of "good enough". Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander. Snow is not neutral. Always honour a threat. Make it a solemn promise. The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it. Hell hath no fury like a noncombatant. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep. The most dangerous thing in the world is a 2nd lt. with a map and a compass. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping. If at first you don't succeed, naff off for a tea break. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the COs HQ. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many. A clean (and dry) set of combat clothing is a magnet for mud and rain. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Interchangeable parts are not. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. The one item you need is always in short supply. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of its operator. When reviewing the radio frequencies you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA. The tough part about being an officer is the troops don't know what they want but they do know what they DON'T want. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else. The newest and least experienced soldier usually will win the Victoria Cross. No combat ready group ever passes inspection. No inspection ready unit ever survives combat. Cavalry does not always come to the rescue. Logistics is the ball and chain of armored warfare. Peace is our profession, mass mayhem is just a hobby. Never worry about the round with your name on it, Instead, worry about the one addressed "to whom it may concern". All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets. All battles are fought uphill. All battles are fought in the rain. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. Fortify your front and you will get your rear peppered. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss. Tactics is for amateurs, professionals study logistics. If you need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. Priorities are made by officers, not by God. There is a difference. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps. Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms. No matter how good your boots are, they will always rub Someone always has a bigger, better gun than you If it all goes unexpectedly quiet, your team's been wiped out The last enemy is always standing right behind you with a large rifle No matter how long you've spent on a plan, you'll always have missed something out Peace through superior firepower works everytime The distance between insanity and genius is measured by the level of plastic you lay down The distance between insanity and genius is measured by the length of time before your plan goes to hell When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout! There is no arguing with the barrel of a gun. Suppressive fire - doesn't. You will remember the hand grenades only when the enemy is too close to use them. When you are low on ammo the enemy attacks that night. When you have sufficient ammo the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is yours. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low, you can't even hit the broadside of a barn at point blank range. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it to be repaired. Tracers work both ways. High capacity magazines never hold enough ammunition. Never forget that your weapon was made from plastic. All ten-second grenade fuses will burn down in five minutes. The last, most vital grenade, will be a blind (dud)! If you can't remember, then the claymore paint mine is pointed at you. The Claymore you set now points at you. No matter how many upgrades/scopes/hand guards/mug holders your gun has, it is never enough! The missile is "Fire and Forget", NOT "Forget and Fire"! When in doubt, empty your magazine. When in doubt, send in the newbies. When in doubt, brew up. When in doubt, run like crazy When in doubt, duck! When in doubt...scream for Mummy! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 11, 2004 Report Share Posted November 11, 2004 This probably all gets put up once every month or two... Probably be around again in another couple of months. You can find web pages out there with just reams of this stuff, the best I found while bored at 2am was about 6 or so pages of it. If I can find the link, I'll post it. Link to post Share on other sites
snip3r Posted November 11, 2004 Report Share Posted November 11, 2004 lol 3rd time i have sen this post o nthe boards still funny though Link to post Share on other sites
Coop Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 "No matter how many upgrades/scopes/hand guards/mug holders your gun has, it is never enough!" I approve! I want to put an RIS Cup holder on my mp5sd5 Link to post Share on other sites
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