HaVoC Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Random facts! When Jack Bauer masturbates, God kills a whole species of cat. Jack Bauer once spoke without whispering. Ask Sri Lanka what happened. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. Only reason Chuck Norris is alive is because Jack Bauer needs someone to make fun of because GOD got boring to make fun of. Jack Bauer doesn't wash his clothes. He tortures them until they're clean. Jack Bauer has had sex with every woman in the world, including Chuck Norris. Link to post Share on other sites
gazchap Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Swell, yet another stupid and pointless Interwebnet phenomenon. When will these people come up with something original? </cynic> Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jack Bauer has never known the touch of a woman. He is best known for his world record attempt at swallowing a sample of semen from every man in New York state. He failed, as a Mr James Johannson was out of town that day. Link to post Share on other sites
Crandall Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jack Bauers favorite color is violet, only because it reminds him of the word "violent" Link to post Share on other sites
Maruta Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 When will these people come up with something original? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> NEVAR. Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Oh, I see at least one mod is exercising his power wisely. Top stuff, anonymous! My sides have split asunder with hilarity. Nice to see the moderation team focusing on what really matters. Link to post Share on other sites
doc_newstead Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Oh, I see at least one mod is exercising his power wisely. Top stuff, anonymous! My sides have split asunder with hilarity. Nice to see the moderation team focusing on what really matters. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Whatchoo' talkin' 'bout Willis? Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Thats so unbelievably funny. Link to post Share on other sites
sturgis Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 the "Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. " seems new to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 No, someone changed my comment that Jack Bauer sucks cocks to "Jack Bauer kicked my *albatross*." Link to post Share on other sites
sturgis Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 No, someone changed my comment that Jack Bauer sucks cocks to "Jack Bauer kicked my *albatross*." <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ah, well that would have been my second guess f00ls, expect to be Boonga boongad by Chuck now ! Link to post Share on other sites
Titleist Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Well look what I came across, did you know that Jack Bauer has been using Monster.com. Guess he's in need of a new job. Link to post Share on other sites
The End Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 I'm sorry but no amount of unfunny jack bauer ###### will never topel Chuck norris. Jack simply hasn't been around long enough for these jokes to be funny. And 24 is acutally good, unlike Walker, Texas ranger.... Link to post Share on other sites
doc_newstead Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Was she a great big fat person? Link to post Share on other sites
enzo100 Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Hahaha, my favorite Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. Link to post Share on other sites
Titleist Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 I think I'm the only one here who got that reference, doc. Link to post Share on other sites
doc_newstead Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 I think I'm the only one here who got that reference, doc. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Precious!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Shao14 Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 - You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink. - If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. - If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. - Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. - Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists. - Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive. - Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. - Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. - 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. - Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact. - Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. - Jack Bauer let the dogs out. - Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas. - Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent. - If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out. - Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. - Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. - Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk. - When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ###### hates lemonade. - When you open a can of whoop-*albatross*, Jack Bauer jumps out. - Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. - The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun. - Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. - Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. - People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer. - It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent, and he wouldn't even use a gun, just the bullet. . - Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. - Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars. - When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer - Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it. - Jack Bauer can bring down a nuclear missile just by shooting it. - Jack Bauer can find the terrorists by telling Jack Bauer the location. Link to post Share on other sites
doc_newstead Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Thanks Shao, for saving me the effort of clicking on that link :| Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted February 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 They're different, though Link to post Share on other sites
Shao14 Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Haha, yep, doc, you still have to click on HaVoC's link. Link to post Share on other sites
doc_newstead Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Can you move my story into off-topic then? I did report it. Link to post Share on other sites
Shao14 Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Can you move my story into off-topic then? I did report it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> What story? Link to post Share on other sites
Sale Posted February 1, 2006 Report Share Posted February 1, 2006 Simon Says actually was originally called Jack Bauer Says. It was renamed because people always do what Mr. Bauer says, and the game never came to an end. -Sale Link to post Share on other sites
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