TheAverageAsian Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 All right i got two: Three cockroaches sneak in to a house. They stay for the night and one goes in the medicine cabinet, ones sleeps on the pool table and the last one goes on the rim of the toilet. Anways night goes by nad morining comes and they all have a meeting. The first cockraoch says how he had a headache so he takes some Tylenal (not sure how to spell it). The second cockroach says everything was fine until he almost got ran over by a giant boulder. Now the last one saw how he fell inot a giant ocean, it started raining and thundering, and if it wasn;t for a a log he surely would of drown. i got some dead baby jokes as well: 1. Q: how many dead babies does it take to paint a barn? A: Depends how hard you throw them. 2. Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice them. 3. Q: What do you call a dead baby smeared on a wall? A: ART. Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted May 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 sick! lol that last one is disgusting! definately one to remember Link to post Share on other sites
PariahWolf Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 Why do you put babies feet first into the blender? So you can see the tears in their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted May 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 oh dear god! i worry about you some times... are you going to OP:Vortex? i'd better watch my back... Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted May 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 what do you get if you cross a motorway with a limp? an accident Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 My grandad died in his sleep. We were expecting it. He was kipping on the M25. Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted May 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 did you just make that up? Link to post Share on other sites
PariahWolf Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 oh dear god! i worry about you some times... are you going to OP:Vortex? i'd better watch my back... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yes, you'd better watch your back... and your gear. Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted May 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 DPM's and an Ibex HK police vest unless i have some other stuff by then... i should have a M249 and SL9 by then too, i will be watching my kit Link to post Share on other sites
PariahWolf Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 DPM's and an Ibex HK police vest unless i have some other stuff by then... i should have a M249 and SL9 by then too, i will be watching my kit <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That's all I needed to know. Link to post Share on other sites
brian222 Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 A little girl is in science class when the teacher says, "Whales can only eat krill because their throats are so small and skinny." The little girl cried out in protest," No that can't be true! The bible says a whale ate Jonah!" The teacher replied," That's impossible. A whale's throat is way too small." The little girl said," Fine. I'll ask him when I go to heaven." The teacher replied," But what if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied," Than you can ask him." And: Whats cooler than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees. Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. Link to post Share on other sites
Meathead316 Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 Q What do you call the worlds biggest car park? A The M25! Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted May 31, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 Link to post Share on other sites
Fuser Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 A guy is all alone one night sitting in his apartment when he hears a knock on the door. He goes to answer it but there's nobody there. He looks down and sees a snail sitting in the middle if the halway. At first he's confused, and then he's angry. He picks up the snail and with all his might throws the little guy to the end of the hallway. Ten years later on the anniversary of that very night the man again hears a knock at the door. He answers it, and to his astonishment the very same snail is sitting in the same place. The tiny creature looks up at the man and says, "What the F@ was that all about?!?!" Link to post Share on other sites
Fuser Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 And now some for the sexist males: What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice! Why should women be denied driver's licenses? Because theres no road from the bed to the kitchen! .....im going to hell for this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 Man and woman get married. On their honeymoon night, the husband gets undressed, then throws his trousers at the woman and says: "Put these on." She does, then says: "This is silly, they're too big, I can't wear these." Husband says "That's right, you remember, I wear the trousers in this marriage." The wife then gets undressed, and throws her underwear to her husband. "Put these on, darling." After struggling for a minute, the husband concedes defeat. "They're far to small, I can't get into them." "That's right, and you never bloody will unless you change your attitude." Link to post Share on other sites
sniper_boi Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 I'll always remember what my father said before he got killed, "fook me a bus!" A blonde and her husband were having an argument, when the husband goes "ok then to prove that blonde's arnt dumb i want you to paint this room by the time i get back", so she replied "ok then", so off he went down the pub, 2 hours later he returns only to find the blonde on the floor wearing two of everything, he asks "what the hells going on here!?", to which she replied, "it said on the tin for best results apply 2 coats" Link to post Share on other sites
AirsoftEngineer Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 I see... Two sausages were frying in a pan. One said "Cor, it's hot in here, isn't it?". The other replied "AAARRGH! A TALKING SAUSAGE" Link to post Share on other sites
Sly_Marbo Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 So you want a joke, eh? ... George Bush Link to post Share on other sites
Wraith18A Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 A Marine with a chest full of ribbons and medals is standing at the position of attention along the wall at a party. A beautiful young woman comes over to talk to him. "You look unhappy, is everything quite alright." "Outstanding, ma'am," the Marine replies, the serious face doesn't lighten up a whit. "Are you sure, sir?" The woman asks again. "I mean, have you not been...'getting enough'?" The Marine replies. "Last time I got some was twenty-oh-one." Upon hearing this, the woman whisks him away and they do the deed. After finishing up, the woman says, "For someone who hasn't done it in so long, you sure are good..." The Marine looks at her with a confused look on his face. "I should be ma'am, its only twenty-one thirty..." Link to post Share on other sites
Sam1626 Posted June 3, 2006 Report Share Posted June 3, 2006 Roses are red Violets are blueish If it wasn't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted June 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2006 Link to post Share on other sites
YounG ChristoV Posted June 3, 2006 Report Share Posted June 3, 2006 There's an american, an irishman, and a brit on the roof of a very tall building. The american says: 'I bet i can jump of this roof, fly round the building 3 times and land back on the roof safely' The brit encourages him and the american jumps off the roof, flys round the building 3 times, and lands back on it safely. The irishman says: 'i bet i can do that to'. he jumps off the roof and falls to his death. The brit turns to the american and says: 'you're a B******d when you're drunk superman. Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyMoFo Posted June 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2006 lol, nice! poor saddam hussein get's the blame for everything these days, even the recent foot and mouth outbreak.... .....they said it was 'his lamb' Link to post Share on other sites
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