rhino Posted October 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2004 PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN Pirate 1: Has it worked? I don't feel any different. (Barboza draws his pistol and shoots him) Pirate 2: You're not dead? Pirate 1: No... You shot me! Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 20, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990's version) Johnnie: They're coming to get you Barbara! Mwu ha ha ha hahahaha... They're Horny Barbara... They've been dead a LONG time! Look! Look! There's one of them now! HE WANTS YOU! MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL Bridgekeeper : Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see. Sir Lancelot : Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid. Bridgekeeper : What... is your name? Sir Lancelot : My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot. Bridgekeeper : What... is your quest? Sir Lancelot : To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper : What... is your favourite colour? Sir Lancelot : Blue. Bridgekeeper : Go on. Off you go. Sir Lancelot : Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Sir Robin : That's easy. Bridgekeeper : Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see. Sir Robin : Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. Bridgekeeper : What... is your name? Sir Robin : Sir Robin of Camelot. Bridgekeeper : What... is your quest? Sir Robin : To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper : What... is the capital of Assyria? [pause] Sir Robin : I don't know that. [he is thrown over the edge into the volcano] Sir Robin : Auuuuuuuugh. Bridgekeeper : Stop. What... is your name? Galahad : Sir Galahad of Camelot. Bridgekeeper : What... is your quest? Galahad : I seek the Grail. Bridgekeeper : What... is your favourite colour? Galahad : Blue. No, yel... [he is also thrown over the edge] Galahad : auuuuuuuugh. Bridgekeeper : Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name? King Arthur : It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons. Bridgekeeper : What... is your quest? King Arthur : To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper : What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? King Arthur : What do you mean? An African or European swallow? Bridgekeeper : Huh? I... I don't know that. [he is thrown over] Bridgekeeper : Auuuuuuuugh. Sir Bedevere : How do know so much about swallows? King Arthur : Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know. Lancelot : We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. Sir Galahad : I don't think I was. Lancelot : Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. Sir Galahad : Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. Lancelot : No, it's too perilous. Sir Galahad : Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. Lancelot : No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on. Sir Galahad : Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? Lancelot : No. It's unhealthy. Sir Galahad : I bet you're gay. Lancelot : No, I'm not. Black Knight : Have at you. King Arthur : You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine. Black Knight : Oh, had enough eh? King Arthur : Look, you stupid ######. You've got no arms left. Black Knight : Yes I have. King Arthur : Look. Black Knight : Just a flesh wound. [the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one of his legs cut off] Black Knight : Right, I'll do you for that! King Arthur : You'll what? Black Knight : Come here! King Arthur : What are you gonna do, bleed on me? Black Knight : I'm invincible! King Arthur : ...You're a loony. The Dead Collector : Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart] Large Man with Dead Body : Here's one. The Dead Collector : That'll be ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm not dead. The Dead Collector : What? Large Man with Dead Body : Nothing. There's your ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm not dead. The Dead Collector : 'Ere, he says he's not dead. Large Man with Dead Body : Yes he is. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm not. The Dead Collector : He isn't. Large Man with Dead Body : Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I'm getting better. Large Man with Dead Body : No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment. The Dead Collector : Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I don't want to go on the cart. Large Man with Dead Body : Oh, don't be such a baby. The Dead Collector : I can't take him. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I feel fine. Large Man with Dead Body : Oh, do me a favor. The Dead Collector : I can't. Large Man with Dead Body : Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. The Dead Collector : I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. Large Man with Dead Body : Well, when's your next round? The Dead Collector : Thursday. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I think I'll go for a walk. Large Man with Dead Body : You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do? The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't : I feel happy. I feel happy. [the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club] Large Man with Dead Body : Ah, thank you very much. The Dead Collector : Not at all. See you on Thursday. Large Man with Dead Body : Right. Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 22, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2004 Charlie Chuck: DONKEY! Woof barks at Donkey, ee aw ee aw ee aw... (DO NOT ASK!) Link to post Share on other sites
Rikkster Posted October 22, 2004 Report Share Posted October 22, 2004 "The right to bear arms is only slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears." Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2004 Ozzy Osbourne when he's preparing for the gig and Sharon shows him the bubble machine... Ozzy: I'm not F****n doin' it Sharon... Bubbles?!? Sharon i'm supposed to be the prince of f****n darkness, man! F****n Bubbles... Link to post Share on other sites
Arnie Posted October 23, 2004 Report Share Posted October 23, 2004 Tom Quinn: "We lie about people a lot. What's really frightening is when someone lies about you.", Adam Carter: "Yeah, the the trick is not to care. " -- Spooks Oliver Mace: "Ah Harry, you know Jason Belling?",Harry Pearce: "Only from certain tape recordings" -- Spooks Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2004 You wouldn't by any chance have been watching Spooks, Arn? Link to post Share on other sites
Snake Posted October 23, 2004 Report Share Posted October 23, 2004 "Don't listen to me, Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that, and that, and that..." -Peter Griffin Link to post Share on other sites
Fedaykin113 Posted October 24, 2004 Report Share Posted October 24, 2004 THE USUAL SUSPECTS "(Bennicio's awesome slurred speech) They bring me in here treat me like I'm some kind of criminal." "You are a criminal!!" "Now what'd ya have to go and do that for, I was trying to make a point...." ------------- "You know what your buddy McManus told us?" "(slurred) he'll flip ya" "What the hell are you saying?!" "(slurred) He'll flip ya, flip ya fo real" ---------- FMJ "Who said that?!!! WHO THE **** SAID THAT??!!!............ Oh the fairy f***ing god mother said it!!" "I don't want no teenage queen, I just want my M14!" Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted October 24, 2004 Report Share Posted October 24, 2004 Heh, I gotta agree with all of them as top quotes Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 24, 2004 Report Share Posted October 24, 2004 luke : no shot,he can get me from here chris: he cant see you if you stand here luke : owch chris: o maybe he can and that has happened more than once why do i still lissen when people tell me that Link to post Share on other sites
Catchv22 Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 'They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance.' -Gen. John Sedgwick, Union 6th Corps, Civil War He said this as he tried to rally his troops at Spotsylvania, moments before he was killed by a confederate sharpshooter. Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate_Black_Ops Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 I've always seen that one written as: "He'd have to be a damn good shot to hit me from this dist..." Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 a diplomat is someone that can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you start looking forward to the trip agree with Corporate_Black_Ops, he was shot before he finished his sentence Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 25, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 AUSTIN POWERS Dr. Evil : You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have? Number Two : Sea Bass. Dr. Evil : [pause] Rrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Number Two : They're mutated sea bass. Dr. Evil : Are they ill tempered? Number Two : Absolutely. Dr. Evil : Oh well, that's a start. Austin Powers : That's Dr. Evil's cat! Vanessa Kensington : How can you tell? Austin Powers : I never forget a *beep*... cat. Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 Donkey: Look out Shrek, he's got a piece! Shrek: Its a cat, Donkey. Come here little kitty... Donkey: A stallion baby! Link to post Share on other sites
BadAssTronaut Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 Black Hawk Down [Durant and Wolcott talk over the intercom as they fly past each other in their helicopters] Durant : Super Six One, go to UHF secure. I've got some bad news. Cliff Wolcott : Limo is a word, Durant. I don't want to hear about it. Durant : It is not a word. It's not in the dictionary. Cliff Wolcott : Limo is a word in common usage. That is the key phrase in scrabble, my friend. Durant : No! If it's not in the dictionary, it doesn't count. Cliff Wolcott : It doesn't have to be in the dictionary! Durant : It does have to be in the dictionary! Listen, when we get back to base, it's coming off the board. Cliff Wolcott : You touch my limo and I'll spank you, Night Stalker. You hear me? Durant : Yeah. Promises Grimes : I made *coffee* during Desert Storm. [on Tim "Griz" Martin's drawing] Dan Busch : Looks good. Tim "Griz" Martin : It's improving. Dan Busch : But if I may make a suggestion... more of an observation. Tim "Griz" Martin : Go ahead. Dan Busch : It's a children's book. They aren't supposed to scare the living *beep* out of the children. [Captain Steele caught Pilla imitating him] Steele : Quick word, Specialist. Dominick Pilla : Sir. [Gives "bird" finger to soldiers while walking with Steele] Steele : Tell me, Pilla. You understand why we have a chain of command, don't you? Dominick Pilla : Roger that, sir. Steele : 'cause if I ever see you undermining it again, You'll be cleaning latrines with your tongue until you can't taste the difference between *beep* and French fries. Are we clear? Dominick Pilla : Hoo-ah, sir. [after Hoot cuts in front of him in line for food] Todd Blackburn : Hey, there's a line. "Hoot" : I know. Todd Blackburn : And this ain't the end of it. "Hoot" : I know. Steele : Sergeant, what's the meaning of this? [Thinking he's talking about the unauthorized pig picking] "Hoot" : Just a little aerial target practice, sir. Didn't want to leave 'em behind. Steele : I'm talking about your weapon, soldier. Now Delta or no-Delta, that's still a hot weapon. Your safety should be on at all times. "Hoot" : This is my safety, sir. [He holds up his index finger and bends motions as if squeezing a trigger and then walks off] Sanderson : Let it alone, sir. He hasn't eaten in a few days. [after the briefing] Matthews : What's the matter Danny? Something you don't like? McKnight : No Specter gunships, daylight instead of night... late afternoon when they're all ######ed up on Khat, only part of the city Aidid can mount a serious counter-attack on short notice... [chuckles] McKnight : What's not to like? Harell : Life's imperfect! McKnight : Yeah, for you two, circling above it at 500 feet it's imperfect. Down in the street, it's unforgiving. "Hoot" : Y'know what I think? Don't really matter what I think. Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that *beep* just goes right out the window. Garrison : You know, the last one of these guys shot himself in the head playing Russian-Roulette in a bar. "Hoot" : See you're thinking. Don't. Cuz' Sergeant, you can't control who gets hit or who doesn't or who falls out of a chopper or why. It ain't up to you. It's just war. "Hoot" : When I get home people 'll ask me, "Hey Hoot, why do ya do it man? Why? Just some war junkie?" Ya know what I'll say? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is. Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 truth is so preshuse that it should be guarded by a body of lies Link to post Share on other sites
Catchv22 Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 a diplomat is someone that can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you start looking forward to the trip Where is that from? It sounds familiar. And my sources say he was killed after finishing the sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 Damn you BadAss, now I'll have to go watch that film AGAIN... Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 not sure were i got that from catch i think it was from my dad from what i know he was shot mid sentence because its stated in a sniper manual iv got somewere Link to post Share on other sites
Arnie Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 Oliver Mace: "These days most people's idea of a secret is something that you only tell one person at a time." -- Spooks "There are two spooks out in the woods one from MI5 one from MI6. After a while they realise that they are being chased by a bear. The guy from 5 pulls out a pair of running shoes and starts to put them on, at which point the guy from 6 says 'Do you think you can outrun a bear?' The spook from 5 replies 'No.. but I can outrun you'" -- Spooks Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 25, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 DIE HARD [McClane tries to call up police] Supervisor : Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only... John McClane : No f*****g s**t, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza? [Reading what McClane wrote on the dead terrorist's shirt] Hans Gruber : "Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho." [On the radio] Hans Gruber : Mister Mystery Guest? Are you still there? John McClane : Yeah, I'm still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me. Hans Gruber : Uh, no I'm afraid not. But you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshall Dillon? John McClane : Was always kinda' partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really dig those sequined shirts. Hans Gruber : Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mister Cowboy? John McClane : Yippee-ki-yay, motherf****r. Hans Gruber : This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly. John McClane : That was Gary Cooper, a*****e. [while crawling through a narrow ventilation shaft] John McClane : Now I know what a TV dinner feels like. [as the SWAT Team closes in] Theo : [over the CB] All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four a******s coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation. Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 25, 2004 Report Share Posted October 25, 2004 diplomacy,you want diplomacy ? heres 671 grains of diplomacy "fires barret 50cal", its on a t-shirt of mine Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 26, 2004 Report Share Posted October 26, 2004 Ten Commandments of SpecWar according to Richard Marcinko •I am the war lord and wrathful god of combat and I will always lead you from the front, not the rear. •I will treat you all alike – just like s**t •Thou shalt do nothing I will not do first, and thus will you be created warriors in my deadly image •I shall punish thy bodies because the more thou sweatest in training, the less thou bleedest in combat •Indeed, if thou hurteth in thy efforts and thou suffer painful dings, then thou art doing it right •Thou hast not to like it-thou hast just to do it •Thou shalt keep it simple, stupid •Thou shalt never assume •Verily, thou art not paid for thy methods, but for thy result, by which meaneth thou shalt kill thine enemy before he killeth you by any means available •Thou shalt, in thy Warriors Mind and Soul, always remember my ultimate and final commandment: There Are No Rules-Thou Shalt Win At All Cost. Link to post Share on other sites
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