Snake Posted October 1, 2004 Report Share Posted October 1, 2004 "Never argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted October 1, 2004 Report Share Posted October 1, 2004 Lister: The red, green and blue alert signs are all flashing. What the smeg does that mean? Kryten: Well either we're under attack sir, or we're having a disco. Cat: "Forget red - let's go all the way up to brown alert!" Kryten: "There's no such thing as a brown alert sir." Cat: "You won't be saying that in a minute!" Rimmer : Step up to Red Alert! Kryten : Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb. and the all time greatest red dwarf quote: Oh smeg indeed matey Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 1, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2004 You forgot this one Joeking... Holly: Purple alert! Purple alert! Rimmer: What's that? Holly: Well it's sort of not as bad as a Red alert but more serious than a blue alert...Maybe more of a mauve... Lister: Look i don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast. In fact no-one around here wants any toast... Not now not ever... NO TOAST! Toaster: Well how about a muffin? Lister: Or muffins! We don't want any muffins, we don't like any muffins. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no Buns, Baps, Baguettes or Bagels... No croissants, no crumpets no pancakes no potato-cakes and no hot cross buns... And DEFINATELY no Smeggin' flapjacks... Toaster: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, so you're a waffle man! Link to post Share on other sites
Arnie Posted October 1, 2004 Report Share Posted October 1, 2004 You know it surpises me that no one has made a talkie toaster for sale yet. You could add furbie type circuitry too it too. ...hmm well maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 1, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2004 Don't! Don't even think about it! The Loonys have eyes and ears everywhere!!! Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted October 1, 2004 Report Share Posted October 1, 2004 Does come with a free stick to beat the ###### out it? I think we're onto something here. ahem Anyway back ON topic Lister: Are you saying I've got a big bum? Rimmer: Big? It's like two badly parked Volkswagens. "Abandon ship. Abandon ship. Black Hole Approaching. This is not a drill. This is a drill. Abandon sh.. oh, god. Now the sirens bust. Awooga. Awooga. Abandon Ship" Kryten: I ask the court one key question: Would the Space Core ever have allowed this man to be in a position of authority where he might endanger the entire crew? A man so petty and small minded, he would while away his evenings sewing name labels onto his ship issue condoms. A man of such awesome stupidity... Rimmer: Objection. Justice Computer voice: Objection overruled. Kryten: ...a man of such awesome stupidity, he even objects to his own defence counsel. An over-zealous, trumped up little squirt... Rimmer: Objection. Justice Computer voice: Overruled. Kryten: ...an incompetent vending machine repairman with a Napoleon complex, who commanded as much respect and affection from his fellow crew members as Long John Silver's parrot. Rimmer: OBJECTION. Justice Computer voice: If you object to your own counsel once more Mr. Rimmer, you will be in contempt. Kryten: Who would allow this man, this joke of a man, this man who could not outwit a used tea bag, to be in a position where he might endanger the entire crew? Who? Only a yoghurt. This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime; it is also his punishment. The defence rests. Link to post Share on other sites
Banzai Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 "BAnZAI!" Mr Banzai, the Banzai show Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 "Stroke me a clipper, I'll be back for christmas" "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast" Link to post Share on other sites
michael_collins Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 "What the deuce!!" -Family Guy "My dear, I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning" -Churchill Link to post Share on other sites
rizzo Posted October 2, 2004 Report Share Posted October 2, 2004 The only two things in life you cannot avoid are death and taxes - Ben Franklin Wasn't that Mark Twain? Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 11, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 DOG SOLDIERS Spoon: Little pig, Little pig, we've come to nick yer video! Link to post Share on other sites
recon Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 DOG SOLDIERS Wells : If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. Because we're firing blanks doesn't mean we have to be thinking nice thoughts. So you remember, you keep the fire down, right, you get stuck in and you kick their *beep* teeth out, or I guarantee you, Joe, they will be eating your ######s for breakfast, sunshine. Terry : Hard-boiled or fried, Sarge? Wells : Scrambled. and another Wells : We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the *badgeress*. Link to post Share on other sites
Catchv22 Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 I saw this one on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Some senator was talking about the gay marriage issue and he made a comment. Senator: 'What is more dangerous? A terrorist plot to destroy our freedom and democracy? Or a same sex couple moving down the street?' Commentary: 'How far down the street?' Link to post Share on other sites
Banzai Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 A Life spent on learning is a life wasted Link to post Share on other sites
Dafool Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Qoute of the week. From my grandmas pin up board //The only exercise i took was walking among the coffins of my friends that have took exercise// Link to post Share on other sites
Corporate_Black_Ops Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein "Conan. What is best in life?" "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you. And to hear the lamentation of their women." - Conan, the barbarian "Heatseeker Dylan? That's pretty sophisticated for a bunch of half-a$$ed mountain boys." - Predator "...And in Genua; 'tis now the fashion to pin a live frog to the shoulder braid, stand on a bucket and go bibble at passers-by." "<laughing> Oh. Our Italian cousins." - Blackadder II "A garter belt? to a day function?" - Evolution Link to post Share on other sites
flipsnip Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 classic altered biblical quote from pulp fiction ( Ezekiel 25:17 ). see my signature. Link to post Share on other sites
Penguin Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Another from the Daily Show concerning gay marriage: (A statement bringing up the union between man and boxturtle was brought up) "So, two straight parents are better than one parent, which is still better than two gay parents which is equal to a guy screwing a turtle!" (the pictures that went with it were hilarious) 2 Quotes that I really like that come from no particular place: "Veni, Vedi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around." "Medle not in the affairs of dragons for thou art crispy and taste good with ketchup." Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 i will rip your balls off so that you can not contaminate the rest of the world :full metal jacket i will motivate you privet pile evn if it takes every canible on the congo :full metal jacket Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Private Pyle you climb like old people f*ck! - Full Metal Jacket Just remembered that one Link to post Share on other sites
*SATAN* Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 face off: "I hate to see you go, but I LOVE to watch you leave" "OK, then... plan B, why don't we just kill each other?" léon: "Somebody's coming up. Somebody serious." unknown: "leave no left turn unstoned" Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 13, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 STILL CRAZY Beano : You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... " Hughie : "Pull your foreskin over your heed." Astrid Simms : Karen will get plane tickets, just give her your credit card number. Ray: I don't know my credit card number. Astrid Simms : It's on your credit card, Ray. [Playing a game to name bands with parts of the body as part of their name] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Beano : Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show! Clare : Objection, your honor! Hughie : Objection sustained. Beano : Well, some people 'ave hooks instead of hands. Les : Yeah, but it's not part of the body; it's not... anotomical. Beano : It is if you haven't got a f****n' hand! Tony Costello: The only thing I value, is this [pulls out Necklace with a tooth on it] Tony Costello: This is Jimi Hendrix's tooth, there's a fight at an English pub, someone planked him, and I picked it up. I knew he was a genius even then. DOG SOLDIERS Spoon : So this bloke walks into a pub right, with a little dog under his arm. Puts it down on the bar, goes and sits down. The bar-tender's lookin' at him thinking "what the f****n' hell's goin' on here?". Then he looks back at the dog, and to his surprise the dog turns around and... [Dead cow drops into camp] Cooper : F****n' cow. Spoon : F****n' hell. [Terry fires at it] Wells : Cease fire, Terry. Cease fire. Joe : Terry, what the hell are you doin'? You're firing blanks man. Wells : Is everyone all right? Is everyone OK? Spoon : Nah, man, I think I've s**t meself. Wells : All right, then, time sync. I got zero-seven-thirty coming up in three... two... one... check. Spoon : Oh, b******s, I don't believe this. Wells : What is it now, Witherspoon? Spoon : Left me watch at the barracks, Sarge. Wells : Take a breather every once in a while, son, you'll live longer. Terry : Nice work, Spoon, you t****r. Joe : Took the words right out of my mouth. Spoon : And you'll be taking my boot out your mouth in a minute, Joe, you baldy t**t. Cooper : Go on then Bruce, what scares you? Bruce : The self-destructive nature of the human condition. Spoon : You're just taking the p**s now. Cooper : What about you, Spoon? Spoon : Castration. Cooper : There's no argument there. Joe? Joe : Only one thing guaranteed to put the s***s up me: a penalty shoot-out. Cooper : Figures. Terry? Terry : Watching a penalty shoot-out... with Joe. Bruce : What about you, Coop? Cooper : Spiders. And women. And... spider-women. Link to post Share on other sites
BadAssTronaut Posted October 14, 2004 Report Share Posted October 14, 2004 Pitch Black Riddick : They say most of your brain shuts down during cryo-sleep. All but the primitive side, the animal side. No wonder I'm still awake. Johns : Full clip, safety's off. One shot if you spot him. Paris : Yes, but what if Mr. Riddick spots us first? Johns : Then there'll be no shots Paris : Paris P. Olgilvie. Antiquities dealer, entrepreneur. Riddick : Richard B. Riddick. Escaped convict. Murderer Johns : How's it look? Riddick : Looks clear. [They step forward, and a creature jumps at them. They fight and kill it] Johns : You said it was clear! Riddick : I said it *looked* clear. Johns : Well, how does it look now? Riddick : Looks clear. Imam : Where's Johns? Riddick : Which half? Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted October 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2004 THEY LIVE John Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick *albatross*... And i'm all out of Bubblegum. John Nada: You, you're okay... This one? REAL F****n ugly! You see i take these glasses off and she looks like a regular person don't she? Put em back on again... Formaldehyde Face! THE THING Childs: fires got the temperature up all over the camp... won't last long though. MacReady: Neither will we. Childs: If you're worried about me- MacReady: If we've got any surprises for each other... Then i don't think we're in much shape to do anything about it. Childs: So... what do we do? MacReady: Why don't we just... wait here for a little while... See what happens? Garry: (after being proved he's a human) I know you gentlemen have been through a lot. But when you find the time... I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS F*****G COUCH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted October 14, 2004 Report Share Posted October 14, 2004 Pretty much anything from Dog Soldiers or Pirates of the Caribbean. Link to post Share on other sites
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