Catchv22 Posted April 24, 2005 Report Share Posted April 24, 2005 I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either. Link to post Share on other sites
Shao14 Posted April 24, 2005 Report Share Posted April 24, 2005 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Priceless! Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted April 24, 2005 Report Share Posted April 24, 2005 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Priceless! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Quoted for pricelessinanonimityness! Link to post Share on other sites
Crandall Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 Best, joke ever! Link to post Share on other sites
heavyweps Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 you know, when my girlfriend read that, the pained "hummph" i got in response was nearly as funny as the joke, and when i got the warning look it made me laugh harder . . . apparently i`m not having sex tonight either Link to post Share on other sites
Spedz Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 heh no need for me to have some tonight why have it the night ......when you can have it in the day?? Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 And that coming from you, the one tricked just now over MSN to go into Manchester to meet a sexually-depreaved girl Link to post Share on other sites
Spedz Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 yep damn right! lol : P (its probally mates anyways) Link to post Share on other sites
Shao14 Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 you know, when my girlfriend read that, the pained "hummph" i got in response was nearly as funny as the joke, and when i got the warning look it made me laugh harder . . . apparently i`m not having sex tonight either <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Maybe you can reach a compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
Magnus Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 :rofl::rofl: Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteFeather Posted April 25, 2005 Report Share Posted April 25, 2005 I think i stoped breathing after i read that. Link to post Share on other sites
aimpoint Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 thats the funniest thing iv read in ages :rofl: Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore_Mitsuko Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 you know, when my girlfriend read that, the pained "hummph" i got in response was nearly as funny as the joke, and when i got the warning look it made me laugh harder . . . apparently i`m not having sex tonight either <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Come on, what's not to like? I'm a girl and I thought that was hilarious! I agree that sex doesn't have to be at night either. What, did you think breakfast in bed was the best way to wake your girlfriend up in the morning? Link to post Share on other sites
Rob15 Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 Come on, what's not to like? I'm a girl and I thought that was hilarious! I agree that sex doesn't have to be at night either. What, did you think breakfast in bed was the best way to wake your girlfriend up in the morning? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Are you hoping Ghost_Rider will read that "remembers that fact for later" Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore_Mitsuko Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 What are you implying, Rob15? Link to post Share on other sites
Rob15 Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 What are you implying, Rob15? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> depends which part of what i said you are refering to Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore_Mitsuko Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 If i may refer to both halves, would you care to explain? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I guess the second part means you are keeping that information in mind the next time you want to wake your girlfriend up? Link to post Share on other sites
rizzo Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 yep damn right! lol : P (its probally mates anyways) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> thats what they all say Link to post Share on other sites
Rob15 Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 If i may refer to both halves, would you care to explain? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I guess the second part means you are keeping that information in mind the next time you want to wake your girlfriend up? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> with the first bit i am implying that you want you boyfriend or H_M to wake you up in such a way so i would watch out at AG05 For the second bit, i havn't go a girlfriend but i was saying i would remember that incase i got one Do i get a spank for what i said in the first bit you like pervy don't you Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 with the first bit i am implying that you want you boyfriend or H_M to wake you up in such a way Yes please... Link to post Share on other sites
Jow Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 Yes please... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You people should be happy, H_M has no sex every night. Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore_Mitsuko Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 with the first bit i am implying that you want you boyfriend or H_M to wake you up in such a way so i would watch out at AG05 For the second bit, i havn't go a girlfriend but i was saying i would remember that incase i got one Do i get a spank for what i said in the first bit you like pervy don't you <{POST_SNAPBACK}> EXCUSE ME! BUT WHEN DID HAVOC_MAN GET BROUGHT INTO THIS! seriously tho, I am Ghost_Rider's and Ghost_Rider's alone, so anybody trying anything at AG05 will be severely dealt with. and no, I don't mean a spanking! Link to post Share on other sites
Spedz Posted April 26, 2005 Report Share Posted April 26, 2005 I agree that sex doesn't have to be at night either. What, did you think breakfast in bed was the best way to wake your girlfriend up in the morning? Alas some who actualy agrees with me on this one! i actually prefeer doing it during the day coz well in the night its just hmm every one does it during the night so in the day its more risque oh and Hardcore_Mitsuko i found this in the................. yellow pages fan boy remover up for hire willing to do mundane chores (clonking them at the back of the head with a rather large stick) ato piking the poor little fan boys when they realise that there getting nowhere and putting 'em in the bin Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.