DarkLite Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 You know that friend that you have but no one is quite sure why? Well I had one of them. We called him Gary, because that was his name. One night Gary got unbelievably RUDEWORDS THAT GOT PAST THE SWEARFILTER WOOPSIE POOPSIE drunk and latched onto a rather large lady, if by 'rather' you meant 'horrendously' and if by 'large' you meant 'obese to the extent that you are not entirely sure how she managed to get into the club in the first place as they only have one double door and she doesn't fit through it'. Gary toddled off with this gigantic waddling fire-hazard and attempted to get his end away. I say 'attempted' because she got stuck in his car when they tried to *fruitcage*. Literally stuck. Wedged. The door wouldn't close. It was a Corsa, and she was impressively begirth'd by the standards of any self-respecting bull elephant. They had to call the fire brigade to get her out. In the end they had to remove the front seat and one of the rear doors to get her out.When we inevitably ripped the ###### out of him for such a staggering lack of foresight, he had only this to say in reply: "I love shagging fat birds, because everything feels like tits." Truly, words to live by Link to post Share on other sites
Alias1983 Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 Call me shallow but if the opposite is bigger than me in height and weight I can't perform. If I was as drunk as gary I would be in the hospital getting my stomach pumped. No matter how drunk I get I know what I'm doing. Does that mean I'm more aware? Link to post Share on other sites
amateurstuntman Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 That's not how booze works. You know what you're doing, you just don't care. Also, because most people think that's how booze works you think "I can just blame the booze here"... Link to post Share on other sites
Alias1983 Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 Guess I care then. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerton Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm probably in such a small minority here (*suitcase*, not just here, in the world) that the UN want to put me on the endangered species list, but I can count the number of people I've had sex with on one index finger. Can't say I've ever struggled to 'perform' todays rant: bought a new car for Mrs Tink at the weekend (so I can use the diesel SEAT Ibiza to commute in because fuel economy) - it's a VW Polo, 2002, rear wiper was borked, so bought a repair kit - turns out in trying to repair it, I dun broke it even more. Need a new one now, which is a pain. Still, could be worse. Link to post Share on other sites
shmook Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 Seems to be a common thing on those polos. Wifey had one the same. Know of a couple of others too. This post is also of no help to you, sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerton Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 Yeah, the polo, Ibiza, and fabia all have the same style of rear wiper motor where the washer goes through the middle of the arm spindle - it then leaks and rusts and seizes the mechanism inside. genuine ones are megabucks (even at costy cost trade prices) and even pattern parts are nearly three figures Link to post Share on other sites
hitmanNo2 Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 I got quite lucky with my old polo. Ran it for a number of years with zero issues before the gearbox went a bit explodey. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLite Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 Wait, are we still talking about fat birds? Who exploded? Link to post Share on other sites
hitmanNo2 Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 Long sesh. Ectoplasm everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
FireKnife Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 You know that friend that you have but no one is quite sure why? Well I had one of them. We called him Gary, because that was his name. Truly, words to live by First I have always had one of those friends, not sure how but I do (and no it is not me). And yes those are indeed words to live by, so much harder to leave bite marks on a thin girl anyway . I'm probably in such a small minority here (*suitcase*, not just here, in the world) that the UN want to put me on the endangered species list, but I can count the number of people I've had sex with on one index finger. Can't say I've ever struggled to 'perform' I have a deep respect for such people that can find someone for them and stick with them. I am just an unlucky person when it comes to relationships, I find they just don't work for me and as such hang with like minded people and accept the words that get thrown at me. Sometimes I do wish I could trade it in to actually enjoy a truly long lasting relationship, other times I am too busy doing something some would call 'dodgy' to care. Call me shallow but if the opposite is bigger than me in height and weight I can't perform. I think I have had about 0.2% times where I have not performed at full capacity. In one instance I switched it round to take their mind off it and for the other one I passed off as not being in the mood and switched on the D/S stuff for them. I get that some people can't perform more often than that but if alcohol and a simple thing like weight catches you out then well unlucky to you. I would truly be *fruitcage*-ed if things like weight / age / height / number of partners was an issue and I couldn't get over them, but then that harks back to my point above, I am no good in relationships and am messed up . Wait, are we still talking about fat birds? I am surprised there are not more topics talking about this right now. 'FireKnife' Link to post Share on other sites
hitmanNo2 Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Whoever the people are that fit toilet seats that don't stay up on their own and clearly think 'yeah. That's a good job'. You are not welcome on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
DeltaZero Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 The one at my flat does that.. Makes no sense at all.. One day I will get round to taking it off and reinstalling it! Link to post Share on other sites
amateurstuntman Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Rear wiper? Remove it completely and replace it with a rubber grommet. Apply Rain-X to the back window. ????? Profit. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerton Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Rear wiper? Remove it completely and replace it with a rubber grommet. Apply Rain-X to the back window. ????? Profit. rear wiper delete is so stereotypically chav-tastic that it's not an option. Plus Mrs. Tink wants a rear wiper (oo-err mrs!) (also rain-x doesn't do well at morning condensation, bird , etc etc (also never rain-x, always Dodo Juice Supernatural Glass Sealant)) Link to post Share on other sites
Tw1tch Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 I have the airsofter's dilemma. Have about £350 I could spend on airsoft kit but what? Seen a WE GBBR SPR with a bunch of mags and spare CQBR upper but the guy hasn't got back to me (he said Sunday if the other interested party hadn't bought Monday morning it I could have it). Messaged him last night and he's been on since but no reply. Or there's a WE MP7 with four mags for a nice price but its a user with low count and no feedback on Zeroin, Stoke On Trent is a little far. TM Breacher, bunch of TAG rounds/shells (courier costs for these are expensive so bulk buying is the option) or some bits for my 416 build (MIAD grip, MSK mags, maybe an EXPS replica) are also possibilities. I want it all and I want it now. Help me Arnies Airsoft, you are my only hope Link to post Share on other sites
Gunmane Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 I have a similar dilemma, but more towards the "can't be arsed to spend money on anything because of being a failure and giving all monies to folks to help cover surprise expenses." Cannot figure out what is wrong with my aeg's, vsr-10 GSPEC keeps tempting me, local gameplay makes me feel outdated, etc. As for the conversations on the last few pages, can't get drunk or involved with anyone, so the only comment is the proverbial "ask Fireknife" I will say this though: Never attempt to mow 2+ football fields of grass filled with woodchuck/mole/strange underground monster tunnel bumps in one go on an old mower, you won't be able to move your back for a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
DeltaZero Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 I have the airsofter's dilemma.Saw your post in the "just bought" thread on Zeroin.. Good choice my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Tw1tch Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 Thank you. I'm so glad he hadn't sold it. Will be taking it out next Sunday for my first game in ages! Wanted an SPR for years. Link to post Share on other sites
hitmanNo2 Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 People that leave the last thing of something in a packet - biscuit or whatever, so they don't have to deal with throwing away the packaging... Link to post Share on other sites
scorch Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 People that leave the last thing of something in a packet - biscuit or whatever, so they don't have to deal with throwing away the packaging... Especially when you go to get a couple of biscuits for your cuppa, to find just one in there. Scumbags of the highest order. Link to post Share on other sites
hitmanNo2 Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 Indeed. Just happened with some Jaffa Cakes. Link to post Share on other sites
scorch Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 That's even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Got Wood? Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 *slowly backs out of the room* Link to post Share on other sites
hitmanNo2 Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 You're only allowed back if you bring Jaffa Cakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.