Sledge Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 As some of you may be aware, I've been involved in a spat or two of late, and have to say I've found them lacking. So I would like to place this ad, in the hope of finding a better class of opponent. WANTED: Nemesis. The successful candidate must have the following: English as a first language (or high standard of English as a second language) Ability to spell Sense of humour Volcanic island base with private monorail and space launching facilities Ability to construct a coherent argument Small army of underlings with SMGs and orange boiler suits Capacity for logical thought White cat Assortment of assassins who prefer unreliable methods (razor-tipped hats, metal teeth, etc) to guns In addition, preference will be given to those who can show previous experience at online debating or attempted world domination. A liking for things I loathe (bigotry, Armalites, cheese) would be a bonus. Pay for this exciting career opportunity meets national minimum wage, and includes:Free cat food opportunity to verbally fence with Sledge on an almost daily basis Eventual death in an original manner that would be amusing if it weren't so nasty Possibility of advancement to Arch-Nemesis and own crane-launched escape mini-sub for the right applicant. If you think you have what it takes, apply here with a sample response to this post: "Oh god, not another smegging Armalite from TM. Why don't they RIS-mount a WA 1911 just to complete the air of naffness?" Thank you for reading this, and I hope to hear from you soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Kosac Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Why dont they RIS mount my supper mega death ray, which i have entitled "The sphere of fear" and let me hold the world for ransom *laughs manically which soon degenerates to racked coughing* Link to post Share on other sites
gazchap Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Hehe, reminds me of Evil Overlord Inc. and their Top 100 Things To Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 *Looks at Ubar* *Looks at braces and metal false teeth* "Sledge i think we've found a candidate for Jaws!" Link to post Share on other sites
R22Master Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 I nominate "h&kchick" for comments such as... thanks anyway, but I prefer manly guns, not nickle plated cissy pistols with a girly red stripe on the grip in response to you letting her play with your 'Raging Bull', and.... Sledge, Your .44 Magnum has all the power of a fetted cheese sandwich with chronic fatigue and your tardis smells of cat urine left stale for as long as it takes for Jack Sparrow (who is a girly-man) to escape from 10 islands! Looks like a strong contender to me Failing that, I recommend myself, purely because I now have a gun named after me.... http://www.rheinland1.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Doesn't say "R22Master" to me Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 *Looks at Ubar* *Looks at braces and metal false teeth* "Sledge i think we've found a candidate for Jaws!" <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to post Share on other sites
Cinder Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Hmmmm, I have a black cat, and I have an island shaped like a skull. Do You think you could put up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Hmmm.... BadAss looks like Doctor Evil, Ubar could pass off as Jaws, Sledge could be Random Task (complete with deadly throwing shoe!) and Doc Newstead looks uncannily like Auric Goldfinger! Anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Samm Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 GetFlamed.com or HateDepartment not good enough for you anymore then, eyy Sledge Link to post Share on other sites
Ghost_Rider Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 I can do a scary "Ming the merciless" impression if that's any help? Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Ming the merciless! Cool! Tempted to get my Flash Gordon T-shirt and start singing "Flash! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted April 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 GetFlamed.com or HateDepartment not good enough for you anymore then, eyy Sledge <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sadly, no. I keep having to restrain myself from adding "OWNED" to the end of every comment I make at those people. Come on, guys! My Nemesis must be out there somewhere! Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 English as a first language (or high standard of English as a second language) Yes, I fit that one. Ability to spell Se abov. Sense of humour What's black and 6 feet long? Oh... Volcanic island base with private monorail and space launching facilities I have a house in Wales. Bwhahahaha! Ability to construct a coherent argument You suck because you...don't like donkeys... Small army of underlings with SMGs and orange boiler suits All your forum members are belong to me! *unleashes army of forum members* Capacity for logical thought V+I = G, clearly. White cat Pretty much, and I have 8 cats in total to make up for the few dark patches Assortment of assassins who prefer unreliable methods (razor-tipped hats, metal teeth, etc) to guns Seduction? Check. In addition, preference will be given to those who can show previous experience at online debating or attempted world domination. A liking for things I loathe (bigotry, Armalites, cheese) would be a bonus. I'm a member on GetFlamed, so I'm no stranger to online debating I do enjoy a good bit of brie with my Armalite, too. "Oh god, not another smegging Armalite from TM. Why don't they RIS-mount a WA 1911 just to complete the air of naffness?" But the Armalite series is so adaptable, it's clearly superior to anything else they'd ever release. I mean, why release a stupid L85 which no-one wants and it utter tosh anyway, when you can have something that's adaptable to fit the situation?! I hate this f*cking 'oh noes, teh amrlaites all r teh sooxorz!!1' mindset at the moment - grow up you f*cking imbeciles and get over the fact that they're popular for a reason. Dickwad. Link to post Share on other sites
joeking27 Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 I can do a scary "Ming the merciless" impression if that's any help? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Ming the merciless! Cool! Tempted to get my Flash Gordon T-shirt and start singing "Flash! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I apologise in advance: GORDON'S ALIVE!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
rhino Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 It took a while (well, all of about a minute actually ) But i do believe i have found your Ultimate Nemesis! He is feared through all the cosmos, he has impeccable manners, he was once a member of the renegade faction known only as "Strang Froot" He was almost responsible for destroying the U.S.S. Partee Padd. Yes Sledge, You Know him as.... BILL NIGHY!!!! The Evil one! More evil than an evil bloke in an evil competition for who am most Evilliest!!!! Cower in fear! Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 I'd kick his *albatross* any day of the week. Apart from the day in which I was subjected to an endless torrent of appalling British film-making featuring Hugh Grant. Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted April 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Hmm. Sadly, Googlefight says he'd whup yo butt. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
DrewLawson Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 I vote for Havoc Man to be Sledges Nemesis Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted April 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 But... I'm buying his S&W off him. How can we be enemies until that sale is concluded? Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted April 27, 2005 Report Share Posted April 27, 2005 Consider it the same as the trading of a few missiles fired at each other, but with toy guns and cash. Link to post Share on other sites
xRAZERx Posted April 28, 2005 Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 I have a razor tipped coat, could I please apply for the Assistant Nemesis position? Failing that I'll do the Evil Admin Officer job and fruitcage up your filing system... Link to post Share on other sites
Sledge Posted April 28, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2005 I don't want to promise anything, as obviosly the successful Nemesis will have a say in the hiring of his team, but I'll put your name on the list. Don't suppose you've also got a speech defect or bizarre physical characteristic? Link to post Share on other sites
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