Telemarketers

[Shao14]

Back when I get telemarketers, I just ask them nicely to hold, and put the phone down, and go do some stuff. Usually they hang up after a few minutes.

 

But now I don't get telemarketers anymore.

[elrey]

R22, that was such a necropost.

 

 

I had one from Oregon this afternoon, the jerk hung up or something. Same person has called about 20 times. No one there whenever I pick up.

[airsoftfreak14]

I just say "He's not here"

[Jules]

Holy Thread Revival, R22!

 

 

One tactic is to claim that the number they've called is a business. They usually take the number off the list. Try it out

[mallrat0223]

One time i answered and the girl was selling home alarm systems.

she asked if my home was protected and i said in an accent,

'yes i have a sword.' then she asked,

'will your sword protect you from fire?'

and i replied, 'no fire, sword.'

this went on for about 10 minutes before she hung up, prolly from everyone in the backrgound laughing their hind ends off.

[El_Hombre]

If you say one of these...ah...humorous statements to a telemarketer and they're quiet for a few seconds--

Snake? Quit fooling around, Snake. Snake?! SNAAAAAAAKE!

[davedawg123]

[*]Note: This one doesn't always work, but when it does, it gets your point across.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back later.  When the Telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home numbers say, "Oh sorry, I bet you don't want strangers calling you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will sometimes agree, to which you reply "Neither do I".  Hang up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

My uncle has used that one, works quite well.

 

Those were really great. Thanks for the laugh. I especially liked the carpet one. And the what are you wearing one is an oldie, but still a goodie.

[sniper_boi]

I took the idea of where you go upto the back of your house and shout out there in my house here's my story.

 

i was cleaning my shotgun and they called so i went "hold on for a sec" so i went up to the back of my room and shouted out "OMG THERE IN MY HOUSE!!" *racks and fires shotgun* "GET THE HELL OUT YOU TWUNTS" again does the same and then all went silent and then i huing up on them

[davedawg123]

It's sorta sad to use that one. Could really damage someone's psychological state of mind. They've just been witness to what seems like a murder. And they were only doing their job... it's sad, but it's gotta be done. Or am I thinking too deeply into it?

[Prometheus]

What I have done on many occasions....

 

1) When they call, just yell "NO!!!" and then make some very loud banging sounds, and then come back and claim that you have split personality. That usually works for me. They just say, oh....uh,ok. And then use other tactics such as the "What are you wearing..?" one....but make sure that you keep switiching personalities and scream a little whenever you "switch"

 

2) Claim to not understand them, and try to make it seem that you think they are your local car repair shop and ask them if they have repaired your car yet.

 

This next one is only for the older crowd...

 

3) Say your are busy, but to hold on a second....and then put on an adult video and let it play near the phone. Make the tape play near the loudest part of the film. This one really gets them hanging up qucikly.

 

4) As soon as you know it is a telemarketer...preferebily before they say the companys name and product, ask them if your shipment of skeletons has come in. Remember to ask very honestly and quickly as if you are very excited. Maybe even use a gruff voice, or the voice of the guy in the movie, "Silence of the lambs."

 

 

 

~P

[Night_raven]

Or just say they have reached the playboy mansion ..wait for their reaction

[Un_FriendlyFire]

If anyones seen the league of gentlemen, think of the minstrels when they call

 

"Hi its jeff from..."

"HELLO DAVE!!!"

"Im from"

"Would you like to buy some peeegggsss!!"

[Hardcore_Mitsuko]

If anyones seen the league of gentlemen, think of the minstrels when they call

 

"Hi its jeff from..."

"HELLO DAVE!!!"

"Im from"

"Would you like to buy some peeegggsss!!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Papa Lazarou impressions might get rid of them, but might not be as funny as you can't wind the caller up. They'll most likely recognise you taking the ###### and hang up.

[visionviper]

I like messing with telemarketers.

 

I am just waiting for the next one to call.....

[Prometheus]

Unfortunatly, I won't be getting many.

 

Here in the USA, our president made the no call list thing. That makes it law that if a telemarketer calls that number on said list, they can be punished.

 

~P

[Ghost_Rider]

Same thing applies here, but its frankly ######s.

[Reload]

These calls really used to ###### me off. But ever since I came round to "the sport" of annoying them back I almost look forward to their calls.

[Kitch]

"If it is a carpet cleaning company, respond with "Can you get out blood? Can you get out Goat blood? How about human blood? What if there's a lot of it?"

 

I just loved this one and will be using it on the next one I get for anything home related. Paraphrased for insurance or windows or anything home related.

 

I also will be using the "give me your home number" one

 

You can also be a 'relative' of the person they have called who has just died in whatever really bizarre way you can think of. Be inconsoleable and sob at them. A most effective one is the 'savaged by badger' incident...

[jdhthegr8]

A list of phone replys

Check 'em out. Voiced by Homer simpson!

[tom1989]

that hommer thing is wicked

[Lord Jebus]

My friends dad has some very funny answers

 

Would you like some new windows?

 

No, We don't have any....

 

 

Would you like new installation?

 

We live in an igloo....

 

 

You have won a new mobile phone!

 

Well *fruitcage* me....

[billymak]

Me and Jim have been doing REALLY bad Chinese accents whenever we don't want to be disturbed... only to go back to whatever we were doing in plain english, like chatting on the phone or something...

 

It usually pwns the living daylights out of the rude people.

[Hardcore_Mitsuko]

A list of phone replys

Check 'em out. Voiced by Homer simpson!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My brother used to have three of those on his laptop, two of them were Arnold Schwarzenneger and one was the drill sargeant from Full Metal Jacket.

[Crandall]

I have a CD with nothing on it besides telemarkter things, and prank calls. The best one on the whole CD is where they call up a computer store, as arnold schwarzennager, and then the lady asks what kind of computer he has, to which he replys "My CPU is a neronet procceser, a learning computer" then theres a pause and then the lady says "oooooooooook" it's really funny

[Buttons]

Typically I wait, hear them out, and allow them to do their pitch. They're normal people, and they often call during the day on my cellphone, so it's a good excuse to leave my lab and wander around chatting on the mobile. Then once they've made their pitch, and they've spent a good 15 minutes trying to convince you you need X service, I decline. They then hang up, being quite aware that they've fully wasted 15 minutes of their time talking to someone who ends up usually being more knowledgable about the subject then themselves.