Bengali Posted July 27, 2007 Report Share Posted July 27, 2007 It was actually quite funny, up until the father got the cricket bat. Then it was just GF and mum screaming at each other whilst angry sleep-deprived father beat me about the head with a heavy piece of wood. Fun. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> sounds wonderful. cant imagine you ever want to look them in the eyes again after that one. Link to post Share on other sites
-Turner- Posted July 27, 2007 Report Share Posted July 27, 2007 I didn't get beat down which was good, I was banished from the house for a while though! My GF's dads ok if anything he actually encourages us...weird! Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLite Posted July 27, 2007 Report Share Posted July 27, 2007 sounds wonderful. cant imagine you ever want to look them in the eyes again after that one. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Probably didn't help that I shouted "Stop being such a ****ing Catholic!" when he broke my left hand... Link to post Share on other sites
my_plague_666 Posted July 27, 2007 Report Share Posted July 27, 2007 YAY DARKLITE! YOU SHOW THOSE DAMN CATHOLICS so how did the whole thing end? Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLite Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 With her wanting to see me again, but me in hospital with a broken hand, and her parents forbidding me to ever go near her again. Relationship didn't last. Stupid religion. Link to post Share on other sites
amateurstuntman Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 I once had a friend that was very into a kind of cult, extreme christian sort of thing. He started seeing this gorgeous girl but his elders at the church said he couldn't see her unless she converted. It was difficult for him, torn between his religion and his girl. I offered him solace and companionship and spoke with his gf many times suggesting that patience would make things work in the end. It didn't, he refused to sleep with her and eventually dumped her. I went to comfort her and ended up boinking her, loads, for about six months. It wasn't embarrassing but I do like that story. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris North Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 That's great! Link to post Share on other sites
sniper_boi Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 I once had a friend that was very into a kind of cult, extreme christian sort of thing. He started seeing this gorgeous girl but his elders at the church said he couldn't see her unless she converted. It was difficult for him, torn between his religion and his girl. I offered him solace and companionship and spoke with his gf many times suggesting that patience would make things work in the end. It didn't, he refused to sleep with her and eventually dumped her. I went to comfort her and ended up boinking her, loads, for about six months. It wasn't embarrassing but I do like that story. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Absolutely brilliant, remember kids, religion and relationships should never mix! Link to post Share on other sites
Bengali Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Absolutely brilliant, remember kids, religion and REAL life should never mix! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> fixed Link to post Share on other sites
my_plague_666 Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 With her wanting to see me again, but me in hospital with a broken hand, and her parents forbidding me to ever go near her again. Relationship didn't last. Stupid religion. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> damn that sucks man, jeez it was their *fruitcage* mistake in the first place Link to post Share on other sites
Basho Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 This one is legendary. When I was fresh out of Uni I moved down to live with my then GF (now wife) cesca in Southampton and was forced to go out and get a job. I had no idea about work and ended up as a security guard. My (last) assignment was to guard a sailing mast worth a million quid down at the docks over night. On arrival to the hut by the mast I realised that it had: No TV No fridge No running water and most importantly it had No toilet In fact the only thing it did have was a chair, table and phone. Once it got pitch black I was getting quite desperate for a pee so I asked the office for help. "Go off the *fruitcage* docks you twat", was the only sage advice he had for me. So through the pitch black, misty night I made my way and in the cold unzipped myself and started peeing off the edge into the 30ft drop to the water... when suddenly I heard: HHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! Causing me to nearly fall in. But this was nothing, because the source of the excruciating loud sound was the Isle of Wight ferry gliding into view about 3 bloody meters away from me. The crew and 20 odd drunken passengers could see me very clearly as well as see my shocked face. As one they all cheered! I almost died on the spot. Finally, I pulled myself together enough to run and hide in my hut, but there was no chance of escape as 15 minutes later the ferry made its way back to the Isle of Wight and the entire crew armed with power torches lined up along the side of the ship and serenaded me with: "Why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all?!" I, er, quit the next day Link to post Share on other sites
BeatdownT Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 A couple: Me-It was high school graduation and they were calling us to get our diplomas. Me being the dumbass I am wanted to run up there and then run down cheering. Well I end up running up there and my crotch hits square with the edge of the table. I fall down holding my danglers and see the principle...laughing at me. All in all I graduated and had a happy day. Cept for the ice... My dad- One time he was at an airport going somewhere doing something. He had to go to the bathroom bad. So...he went into the first one he saw. Long story short he ends up ###### in the womens restroom and getting caught. My friends-They were fighting about something stupid like always and the one did this football like tackle to the other sending them both crashing down to the floor, on the way hitting and destroying my one buddies glass door to his TV stand....glass went everywhere and we were bleeding. I was just watching but I freaking got cut too...So we took pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
Dave_JH Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 Hmmm...not so much embarassing, it had me laughing afterwards, but it caused some cold stares and hardly any speaking for a year or two. Basically, me and a few mates were trolling round school at break, when a conversation was struck up about my then GF. Just as I happened to say "Oh, christ, she's getting a better moustache than me, why do you only think i'm rarely seen outside with her?'' I realised that she had just walked past and heard everything I said. Anyways, that all ended about 3 weeks later, and all's well now. Link to post Share on other sites
tr1gg3r_h4ppy Posted August 2, 2007 Report Share Posted August 2, 2007 Bah, I have a new one unfortunately. ------ I left my laptop at a friends house overnight and went skateboarding up to his house to get it. So all went well on the ride up, and on the way back I realized I was pressed for time so I was really booking it down the hill back to my house, with my laptop on my back. So as I'm going down, these freshman college looking girls are driving down the hill with rap blaring and the bass cranked up. My skateboard wheels are terribly ground down after two years of abuse, so these things will dig into anything. So I hit something, *fruitcage* flew off my skate, landed on my shoulder. While these girls watched me do it... They stopped and watched me get up after like 2 mins. It sucked... Fastest fall I have ever taken skating, cleaved off a patch of skin the size of a half dollar, then it bled pink colored blood. Link to post Share on other sites
Little para Posted August 2, 2007 Report Share Posted August 2, 2007 Thats not embarrasing, more painful than anything, i know the feeling all to well, me and bikes DONT mix. Ok when i started my "high-School" two years ago i was new to working my way around so i did'nt know where evrything was, and there are concrete bollards (which at the time came up to my crotch)that i could'nt see so everytime i walked the particular way that had the concrete bollards i kept hitting my nads on them, painful if you're getting to form period in a hurry Link to post Share on other sites
my_plague_666 Posted August 2, 2007 Report Share Posted August 2, 2007 my boss told me this today. my boss had a friend who wasnt sure if he was gay, one night they all went out and got wasted, his friend decided to go home early. when everyone else got back he was unconscious on his bed fully clothed, so they decided to strip him, put half of him on the bed (so his rear was hanging off), repeatedly kick him up the *albatross* and for a final touch put some sun cream in a condom and stick the end of that up his *albatross*. he woke up to quite a shock, and still to this day he doesnt know it wasnt real. Link to post Share on other sites
ARadam6696 Posted August 2, 2007 Report Share Posted August 2, 2007 AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH Thats great! Link to post Share on other sites
GaMeFrEAK1018 Posted August 3, 2007 Report Share Posted August 3, 2007 my boss told me this today. my boss had a friend who wasnt sure if he was gay, one night they all went out and got wasted, his friend decided to go home early. when everyone else got back he was unconscious on his bed fully clothed, so they decided to strip him, put half of him on the bed (so his rear was hanging off), repeatedly kick him up the *albatross* and for a final touch put some sun cream in a condom and stick the end of that up his *albatross*. he woke up to quite a shock, and still to this day he doesnt know it wasnt real. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That...is...GENIUS!! Link to post Share on other sites
Doomsday Device Posted August 3, 2007 Report Share Posted August 3, 2007 My plague, I am not worthy Just wow! Link to post Share on other sites
Lithium Jack Posted August 3, 2007 Report Share Posted August 3, 2007 my boss told me this today. my boss had a friend who wasnt sure if he was gay, one night they all went out and got wasted, his friend decided to go home early. when everyone else got back he was unconscious on his bed fully clothed, so they decided to strip him, put half of him on the bed (so his rear was hanging off), repeatedly kick him up the *albatross* and for a final touch put some sun cream in a condom and stick the end of that up his *albatross*. he woke up to quite a shock, and still to this day he doesnt know it wasnt real. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> wow, it takes a man who's totally secure in his sexuality to strip off another man and insert a condom into his anus Link to post Share on other sites
Little para Posted August 3, 2007 Report Share Posted August 3, 2007 It is after a few beers, but only for *beep* and giggles mind you. Link to post Share on other sites
ghost_x3 Posted August 4, 2007 Report Share Posted August 4, 2007 This one is legendary. When I was fresh out of Uni I moved down to live with my then GF (now wife) cesca in Southampton and was forced to go out and get a job. I had no idea about work and ended up as a security guard. My (last) assignment was to guard a sailing mast worth a million quid down at the docks over night. On arrival to the hut by the mast I realised that it had: No TV No fridge No running water and most importantly it had No toilet In fact the only thing it did have was a chair, table and phone. Once it got pitch black I was getting quite desperate for a pee so I asked the office for help. "Go off the *fruitcage* docks you twat", was the only sage advice he had for me. So through the pitch black, misty night I made my way and in the cold unzipped myself and started peeing off the edge into the 30ft drop to the water... when suddenly I heard: HHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! Causing me to nearly fall in. But this was nothing, because the source of the excruciating loud sound was the Isle of Wight ferry gliding into view about 3 bloody meters away from me. The crew and 20 odd drunken passengers could see me very clearly as well as see my shocked face. As one they all cheered! I almost died on the spot. Finally, I pulled myself together enough to run and hide in my hut, but there was no chance of escape as 15 minutes later the ferry made its way back to the Isle of Wight and the entire crew armed with power torches lined up along the side of the ship and serenaded me with: "Why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all?!" I, er, quit the next day <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to post Share on other sites
GuzziHero Posted August 4, 2007 Report Share Posted August 4, 2007 Not too bad...but could have been: Im a bus driver as folks know. Couple of years ago I was on the Longton-Oulton-Stone run and picked up a couple of regulars in Longton for Oulton. No probs. Shortly after that I picked up a load of school kids at Oulton Cross. This girl comes down the bus before I pull off, carrying something. "Um...someone has left this on the bus". Its a blue polystyrene tray, wrapped in packing film. And in it is a heart. Lamb heart. With blood swilling round in the tray. Ewwww. So after a few miles of this, and after dropping the kids off, Im sick of driving and holding this thing so the blood doesnt spill into my cash tray. So what can I do? Unwrapped it, tipped the heart and blood out the window and threw the packaging away when I got back to Longton. So Im on my way back, past where Id dumped it. And its a BRIGHT RED streak on the road, having been somewhat distributed by other traffic. Why the hell didnt I dump it kerbside? So Im on my way back from Stone to Longton on that trip. Picks up the 2 passengers Id dropped off. Woman asks "Did anyone hand something to you before? I left a lamb heart Id bought for my dog on the bus". I quickly fumble..."Um, no. Probably the kids threw it out the window, or maybe used it as an offering to whatever gods they pray to these days", trying to make light of it... I just really, really hope they didnt spot that HUGE red smear on the road as I drove past the scene of my crime Link to post Share on other sites
tom lawson Posted August 4, 2007 Report Share Posted August 4, 2007 hahaha ahhh you must have felt awful... Link to post Share on other sites
Spedz Posted August 4, 2007 Report Share Posted August 4, 2007 Well I have one. One of my fatal flaws is loosing Debit cards like if the nothing. So I normally have to a new on regular interviels. So basically I was going to the shop and quickly grabbed my card thinking it was my latest one seeming my old one was lost for a good month. So it comes to paying for the shopping, lo and behold it is my card that was missing for months that i've found which was obviously blocked. :/ Lucky thing I carry cash as well for those instancies. Link to post Share on other sites
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